Fwd: Issue Number 27 – September


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From: Pontificio Consiglio per la Famiglia <newsletter@familia.glauco.it>
Date: Fri, Sep 18, 2015 at 4:48 AM
Subject: Issue Number 27 – September
To:


September 1st Day for the Custody of creation
Issue Number 27 - september 2015
Special 2015 Philadelphia
Every day on the site www.familia.va, from Monday 21 September: interviews, videos, live news from the World Meeting in Philadelphia
Immigration Crisis
Pope Francis
The Pontifical Council
 
Towards the Synod
The Families, Lights illuminating the Bishops

The Canonization of the Martin Couple

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 1. For a Better Society

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 2. New Challenges

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 3. The Beauty of the Family

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 4. Grandparents: The Real Resource

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 5. The Pursuit of Happiness

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 6. Family and Mystery of God

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 7. Preparing for Marriage

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 8. The Church: Mother and Teacher

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 9. The Church and Wounded Families

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 10. The Gospel of the Family

Commentary on the Instrumentum Laboris / 11. The Family at the Service of Life

Antonelli on the Eucharist for Remarried Divorcees

Kasper: "Under the Sign of Graduality"

Sistach: "A Merciful and Faithful Face"

54 Days of Prayer for the Synod and the World Meeting of Families
From churches and from the world
Testimonies and Experiences
In the Bookshops
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Fwd: Weekly Update of UK Marriage News - No 15.35

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From: Dave and Liz Percival <dave@2-in-2-1.co.uk>
Date: Mon, Sep 14, 2015, 10:04 AM
Subject: Weekly Update of UK Marriage News - No 15.35
To: info@2-in-2-1.co.uk <info@2-in-2-1.co.uk>


Welcome to this week’s UK Marriage News

 

Headlines

·         Letter to the Times

·         Pope Francis Reforms Marriage Annulment Process

·         Rolling back the tide

 

Government and Political

·         Letter to the Times

The following letter has been published by the Times we are told (sorry no link as they only do paid access):

“The Government recognises family breakdown is a root cause of poverty and the importance of strong relationships for a thriving society. However current levels of relationship breakdown cost the country an estimated £47bn, with just £7.5m currently available for prevention.

 

We know we live in straitened times but funding must be commensurate to the scale of the problem – there is an increasing demand for support, yet many cannot afford services. So we are calling on the Government to treble preventive funding to £22m.

 

This would be enough to invest in interventions we know make a difference, help boost children’s life chances and send a signal that couple relationships and marriage provide a vital underpinning to our lives.

 

Family instability can have a devastating effect on mental and physical health, workplace productivity and reoffending rates, and children’s educational attainment. The Government rightly recognises that working through relationship difficulties can deliver significant savings to the public purse. However this work must be properly resourced.”

 

Signed by 72 signatories from across the Relationship Support sector.

 

·         Living standards until 2020: parents on low incomes will both have to work full time to achieve an adequate standard of living

Families with two parents in full-time work, workers without children and pensioners will typically become better off over the next five years due to changes to pay and benefits announced in the Summer Budget, according to new research published by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation (JRF). The in depth, independent analysis is the first to take a detailed look at how the measures announced in the Budget will affect people’s ability to afford a decent standard of living.

 

However, lone parents and families with more than two children are likely to see their living standards stagnate or fall even if they work full-time, as are low-income families with one main breadwinner. Those who are out of work face a sharply growing gap between their income and the amount they need for a basic living standard.

 

·         Childcare and Work: the parents missing from the labour market

A new report published by the Family and Childcare Trust, alongside Parental Choice, has revealed for the first time that the high cost of childcare is preventing millions of parents from working, with industries who rely on shift work being particularly hit.

 

Currently, over 4.4 million parents (34% of all parents with dependent children) are living in a household where one or both parents are not working, but this new report reveals that nearly half of these families want to find work or work more hours. With parents in the UK now paying a quarter of their income on childcare costs, more than any other country in the EU except Switzerland, a significant 23% of British mothers who are not in paid employment now cite childcare issues as the main reason they are unable to enter the job market.

 

It is not only the price but the availability of childcare that are now seriously affecting parents’ ability work. Despite successive governments’ welcome attempt to help families with their childcare costs through schemes such as tax credits and childcare vouchers, the report found a strong relationship between the costs of childcare and the levels of parental employment.

 

Essentially, the new stats prove that there is lower parental employment in areas where childcare costs are highest. The last 10 Labour Force Surveys have consistently shown around 40% of unemployed mothers with dependent children want to join the workforce, and now, using census data on the employment of parents with dependent children and data from the Family and Childcare Trust’s annual costs survey for that year, this new report demonstrates a clear negative correlation between the price of a part-time nursery place and levels of parental employment.

 

To exacerbate the problem, only 43% of local authorities in England, and 18% in Wales, report that they have enough childcare for working parents. These figures fall to 14% per cent and 0% respectively for parents who don’t work 9 to 5, a situation which could have a huge knock-on effect in industries such as health care where staff routinely work shifts.

 

With nursery prices revealed to be 32% higher in London, the situation in the capital has, not surprisingly, reached a critical level.

 

In Tower Hamlets for example just 31% of adults with dependent children lived in households where both parents worked, or were working single parents themselves. At the other end of the scale, this figure rises to 76% in South Gloucestershire, Rutland and Leicestershire.

 

Julia Margo, Chief Executive of the Family and Childcare Trust, said: “Without investment, the childcare system will not be able to cope with the increased demand, and families will continue to be denied the opportunity to re-join the workforce or take on extra hours of work. We want the government to use the £535 million worth of savings from the delay to the roll out of tax-free childcare to invest in flexible childcare for working parents.”

 

Sarah – Jane Butler, Chief Executive and founder of Parental Choice, added that getting parents back into the workplace should not be left to the Government alone: “The onus must be on businesses to put in place practices such as compressed hours working, home-working and flexible start/finish times. Achieving high levels of parental employment is vital. Households where both parents work are much less likely to live in poverty. In addition parents who work contribute to the nation’s economy, whilst businesses need to have access to the best possible talent and a workforce who can afford to work.”

 

·         One year on: Government has still not added mothers' names to marriage certificates

More than a year after the Prime Minister promised that mothers’ names would be added to marriage certificates in Britain, nothing has changed says the Telegraph. Marriage certificates in the UK still only require details of the couples’ fathers – something that has been labelled sexist and unfair.

 

Telegraph Wonder Women backed the #MothersOnMarriageCerts campaign last year, which had more than 70,000 supporters. It was victorious after David Cameron said in August last year: “The content of marriage registers in England and Wales has not changed since the beginning of Queen Victoria’s reign. “At the moment, they require details of the couples’ fathers, but not their mothers. This clearly doesn’t reflect modern Britain - and it’s high time the system was updated. So I have asked the Home Office to look at how we can address this.”

 

But the Home Office appears not to have done so. In January 2015, Immigration and Security Minister James Brokenshire said: “We are continuing to develop the options that will allow mothers’ names to be recorded on marriage certificates as soon as practicable.” When Telegraph Wonder Women contacted the Home Office this week for an update, we were directed back to the same comment. A spokesperson clarified that there has been no development in putting mothers’ names on marriage certificates.

 

It's unclear whether the Home Office has even started ‘addressing the inequality’ as ordered by the Prime Minister. A spokesperson was unable to give an estimated date when the change would be implemented.

 

Research and Public Opinion

·         Differences in Relationship Stability Between Individuals in First and Second Marriages

Compared to first marriages, remarriages have consistently demonstrated higher rates of divorce says Family Issues. [I’m not sure this starting point is valid in UK, based on the analysis done by Marriage Foundation. Ed] Theories used to explain this phenomenon include the family process and selection perspectives. Researchers have attempted to address selection bias in this area but have not yet employed propensity score analysis to bolster causal inference. The purpose of this study is to assess the efficacy of covariate control methods for handling selection bias compared to propensity score methods and to examine whether a direct causal link between marriage order and relationship stability can be inferred after using propensity score greedy matching and propensity score weighting procedures. We analyse a sample of 1,679 first married and 410 remarried individuals drawn from the Relationship Evaluation Survey. Results provide support for the selection perspective and suggest that a direct causal link between marriage order and relationship stability should not be inferred. Implications, limitations, and future directions for research are discussed.

 

·         Watching porn does not cause negative attitudes to women, study finds

The average porn user may have more egalitarian views towards women than non-users, a contentious new study has suggested reports the Independent. Researchers at Western University in Canada have even argued that many pornography fans might be “useful allies” in women’s struggles for equality in the workplace and in public office.

 

Taylor Kohut, the study leader and a post-doctoral fellow in psychology, analysed data from 35 years of the General Social Survey, a US government-funded project that interviews around 24,000 men and women a year about a variety of issues. They reported in the Journal of Sex Research that the 23 per cent of people who said they had watched an “X-rated” film during the previous year were no more or less likely to identify as feminists than those who did not watch porn. They also found that, on average, porn-watchers expressed more positive attitudes towards women in positions of power, as well as less negative attitudes towards abortion and women in the workforce.

 

Kohut said: “I’d rather not live in a culture where our government decide to regulate [or] outlaw behaviour or material because they assume it’s harmful. I’d rather they demonstrate it is, first.”

 

Supporting the study Christopher Ferguson, a psychology professor at Texas A&M International University, said that gauges of male aggression such as rape and domestic violence have actually been decreasing throughout the Internet era, the National Post reported. Dr Ferguson said: “I think if porn were going to ruin society, it’s already had 20 years to do it … And it's not happened.”

 

Kohut said that the results may partly be explained by the fact that porn users are more likely to be liberal people, where as non-users are more likely to be conservative or religious.

 

The study, however, has been met with much criticism. Gail Dines, a leading anti-pornography activist, told the National Post: “Maybe some of these guys do believe in abortion more, maybe they do believe women should hold office more, but… Men have less interest in actual sex with a real woman; they want to act out the porn sex.” Dines also questioned the value of the Kohut's data, arguing that as the average age of the study's respondents was 45 it did not represent teenagers and young men, a key demographic of porn users.

 

·         Charitable Pornhub offering college scholarship

OK, here’s a new twist in the porn debate from CNBC. For students seeking to make some extra bucks to pay for tuition, Pornhub may be able to help. The adult video website is offering a $25,000 scholarship to a legal age college student who likes making others happy.

 

The rules are simple. Applicants need to write an essay answering the question "How do you strive to make others happy?" and an up to five-minute video that "elaborates on the good work you do and anything else you might want to say."

 

But, get your mind out the gutter: While the website features porn, those who are seeking a future career with the company need not apply. That's right: Pornhub is simply judging applicants for their hearts and minds. "We will not seriously consider anyone if they include explicit material in the video," Pornhub Vice President Corey Price said via email. "We are not looking for that whatsoever. I want to make that abundantly clear."

 

Price said that it decided to offer the scholarship in honour of its newly launched charity, Pornhub Cares, after discovering most of its viewers were between the ages of 18 to 25. It saw this as a way to give directly back to the millennial community.

 

"Pornhub Cares is a compilation of Pornhub's past, present and future philanthropic initiatives," he said. "The Pornhub Cares Scholarship aligns with our trajectory here at Pornhub, which is firmly set on providing happiness and opportunity through the worldwide community we have established. It's about giving back and providing our fans with life changing experiences/opportunities."

 

Charity has proven to be a way to reach disillusioned millennials. A survey by online publication Elite Daily and consulting firm Millennial Branding showed three-fourths of the age group said it was "either fairly or very important that a company gives back to society instead of just making a profit." Companies ranging from Unilever to Patagonia are dedicating their resources towards non-profit initiatives.

 

While the scholarship is new, this isn't the first time Pornhub has engaged in philanthropic activities. It filmed a PSA called "Save the Balls" in April, which coincided with Testicular Cancer Awareness Month, as well as offered a donation incentive to those who watched breast-themed clips during Breast Cancer Awareness Month in 2012.

 

Sure, all the names of the campaigns were double entendres, but the company said its intentions were pure. It ended up donating $75,000 during the "Save the Boobs" campaign to cancer charities and research organizations.

 

Not everyone is a fan of Pornhub's charitable efforts. The National Centre on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) said in a statement that the scholarship was a "blatant attempt to exploit economically vulnerable young people" and get the mainstream to accept the porn industry. "If Pornhub truly cared about disadvantaged youth, they could give away scholarship money without exploiting thousands of teenagers," said NCOSE Executive Director Dawn Hawkins said in an emailed statement. Pornhub is clearly using this so-called scholarship opportunity to fuel their own industry, where the number 1 search term in porn is 'teen.' While the application rules for this scholarship do not specifically prescribe that the video submission be pornographic, the fact that applicants must be 18 years of age makes Pornhub' s motives quite obvious. This company is built upon a legacy of exploitation, and it is no more charitable in mind than a tobacco company that offers a scholarship to whichever teen can smoke the most of its brand-name cigarettes."

 

Despite the backlash, Price said that the company is welcoming all applicants, regardless if they're a human sexuality major or are leaning towards mechanical engineering. "Come one, come all," he said. "We are open to all applicants, regardless of major."

 

Faith and Spirituality

·         Pope Francis Reforms Marriage Annulment Process

The Holy See released two Motu Proprio Apostolic Letters today written by Pope Francis that announce reforms to the canonical process of marriage annulment reports Zenit. The Motu Proprio (Latin for “on one’s own initiative”) are entitled “Mitis ludex Dominus Iesus” (The Lord Jesus, Meek Judge) and “Mitis et misericors Iesus” (Meek and Merciful Jesus). The former details reforms on the canonical procedure for the annulment of marriage in the Code of Canon Law (CIC) while the latter explains the reforms in the Code of Canons of the Oriental Churches (CCEO).

 

The Apostolic Letter Mitis Iudex Dominus Iesus states that in the history of the Church, the canonical process has been guided by the “supreme law of the salvation of souls.”

 

It is this concern for the salvation of souls, Pope Francis stated, that moved him to present to local Bishops the new reforms “because they share with him the task of the Church, that is, to protect the unity in faith and discipline regarding marriage, foundation and origin of the Christian family.”

 

In a press conference today at the Holy See Press Conference, the reforms were presented by a panel which included Msgr. Pio Vito Pinto, dean of the Apostolic Tribunal of the Roman Rota and President of the Special Commission for the Reform of the Marriage Canonical Process, and Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio, President of the Pontifical Council for Legislative Text and member of the Special Commissions. Several other members of the commission were also present at the press conference.

 

Msgr. Pinto noted the significance of the reforms, which is only the third in the Church’s history. The first was introduced by Pope Benedict XIV in 1741 and the second in 1908 by Pope Pius X. He also noted that Pope Francis wished to place more trust in the diocesan bishops, “calling on them to be servants along with him.”

 

“[Pope Francis] is a pope who came after the Second Vatican Council and is faithful to the teachings of the Second Vatican Council,” he said.

 

The reforms, while leaving the sacramental theology on marriage intact, streamlines the process for seeking an annulment and gives more authority to local bishops to decide cases rather than having to wait for lengthy appeals. The Pope also called on bishops to make the annulment process free of charge. Prior to the reforms, the declaration of nullity had to come from two different tribunals and required an automatic appeal. The Holy Father removed the automatic appeal but maintained the right of one of the two parties to appeal a decision on the nullity of marriage.

 

In an article published today by L’Osservatore Romano, Msgr. Pinto stated that “Pope Francis’ reforms, moved by the same spirit that sustained Benedict XIV and Pius X, is distinguished not only for a true re-foundation of the canonical marriage process, but above all for the theological and ecclesiological principles that sustain it.”

 

The seven major criteria that guided the reform process are:

1.     That there be only one sentence in favour of executive nullity – It appeared opportune, in the first place, that there no longer be required a twofold decision in favour of marital nullity, in order that the parties be admitted to new canonically valid marriages: the moral certainty reached by the first judge according to law should be sufficient.

2.     A single judge under the responsibility of the Bishop – The constitution of a single judge in the first instance, who shall always be a cleric, is placed under the responsibility of the Bishop, who, in the pastoral exercise of his own proper judicial power shall guarantee that no laxity be indulged in this matter.

3.     The Bishop is judge – In order that the teaching of the II Vatican Council be finally translated into practice in an area of great importance, the decision was made to make evident the fact that the Bishop is, in his Church – of which he is constituted pastor and head – is by that same constitution judge among the faithful entrusted to him. It is desired that, in Dioceses both great and small, the Bishop himself should offer a sign of the conversion of ecclesiastical structures, and not leave the judicial function completely delegated to the offices of the diocesan curia, as far as matters pertaining to marriage are concerned.

4.     Increased brevity in the legal process – In fact, beyond making the marriage annulment process more agile, a briefer form of trying nullity cases has been designed – in addition to the documentary process already approved and in use – which is to be applied in cases in which the accusation of marital nullity is supported by particularly evident arguments. In any case, the extent to which an abbreviated process of judgment might put the principle of the indissolubility of marriage at risk, did not escape me [writes Pope Francis – ed.]: thus, I have desired that, in such cases the Bishop himself shall be constituted judge, who, by force of his pastoral office is with Peter the greatest guarantor of Catholic unity in faith and in discipline.

5.     Appeal to the Metropolitan See – It is fitting that the appeal to the Metropolitan See be re-introduced, since that office of headship of an Ecclesiastical province, stably in place through the centuries, is a distinctive sign of the synodality of the Church.

6.     The proper role of the Bishops’ Conferences – The Bishops’ Conferences, which must be driven above all by the anxious apostolic desire to reach the far-off faithful, should formally recognize the duty to share the aforesaid conversion, and respect absolutely the right of the Bishops to organize judicial power each within his own particular Church.

7.     Appeal to the Apostolic See – It is fitting that the appeal to the ordinary Tribunal of the Apostolic See, i.e. the Roman Rota, be maintained: this, in respect of a most ancient juridical principle, so that the bond between the See of Peter and the particular Churches be reinforced – having care, in any case, in the discipline of the use of said appeal, to contain any and all abuse of right, in order that the salvation of souls be given no cause for harm.

 

The second Motu Propio, “Mitis et misericors Iesus”, states the same reforms but is directed to the Eastern Church, who although are in communion with Rome, have a slightly different annulment process.

 

Bishop Dimitros Salachas, Apostolic Exarch of the Greek Byzantine Catholic Church, noted that the Holy Father’s reasons for issuing two Motu Propio was respect, saying that the Eastern and Western Churches are the two lungs of the Church: “one faith with different perspectives.”

 

New Books, Resources and materials

·         Supporting Couple Relationships: Guidance for Health Visitors

One Plus One have just published (we think!) a new guide aimed at Health Visitors on the key issues in providing support to new families on Relational Issues. From a quick read it seems to be very good on the need for relationship support, and the potential damage that can ensue for children where this isn’t provided, but a bit thin on what might be described as relationship “first aid”. A very useful resource nonetheless!

 

·         What is child abuse and neglect?

Child maltreatment refers to any non-accidental behaviour by parents, caregivers, other adults or older adolescents that is outside the norms of conduct and entails a substantial risk of causing physical or emotional harm to a child or young person says a new briefing from AIFS. Such behaviours may be intentional or unintentional and can include acts of omission (i.e., neglect) and commission (i.e., abuse) (Bromfield, 2005; Christoffel et al., 1992). In this paper, the terms "child abuse and neglect" and "child maltreatment" are used interchangeably.

 

Child maltreatment is commonly divided into five main subtypes:

·         physical abuse;

·         emotional maltreatment;

·         neglect;

·         sexual abuse; and

·         exposure to family violence.

 

Although there is a broad consensus regarding the different subtypes of maltreatment, disagreement exists about exactly how to define these subtypes. In the absence of universal definitions of child abuse and neglect, different professional fields have developed their own definitions. There are medical and clinical definitions, social service definitions, legal and judicial definitions, and research definitions of child maltreatment. Each professional sector tends to emphasise the facets of maltreatment that are most salient to their own field. For example, medical definitions highlight the physical symptoms of a child rather than the abusive or neglectful behaviours of a perpetrator, while legal and judicial definitions focus on those aspects of parental behaviour and child symptomatology that provide the best evidence for a successful prosecution (Bromfield, 2005; Feerick, Knutson, Trickett, & Flanzer, 2006).

 

The definitions provided in this paper are broad and research-based. They focus less on the specific harm caused to the child, and more on the abusive behaviours of the perpetrator. This approach sidesteps much of the detail and disagreement regarding the cut-off points at which specific behaviours (e.g., rejecting a child) become child maltreatment. The current definitions are too broad to be used in specific settings (such as a courtroom or child protection agency), but are detailed enough to incorporate many of the complexities involved in this area of research.

 

Forthcoming conferences and events

·         Forthcoming conferences

Details of all forthcoming conferences can always be found under our listing at 2-in-2-1

 

·         Faith in the Family

The conference on Faith in the Family organised by Care for the Family still has its early bird discount until 21st September – so hurry up and book! We’ll be there!

 

Consultations and Campaigns

Below is our running list of current and recent consultations and campaigns. New items or those requiring action are highlighted. The Reference numbers are to the newsletter where we covered the subject.

 

·         Britain’s Families: thriving or surviving

Families are at the heart of Britain says 4Children. But too many are held back because they don’t have the support they need to thrive. As we move beyond the economic crisis it is time to rethink our ambitions for children and families. When families do well, Britain does well.

 

Family life has changed dramatically over the last 30 years. New and different challenges mean we need a fresh understanding what it is like to raise a family in Britain today and a more ambitious approach.

 

4Children’s Inquiry ‘Britain’s Families: thriving or surviving?’ will run until Dec 2015 and will talk to families across the country to reveal a fresh and comprehensive understanding of modern family life in Britain. Through this Inquiry we aim to uncover the challenges and opportunities families face in modern Britain, and what can be done to better support family life.

 

If you would like to let us know your experiences, participate in or help set up a focus group, or find out more, please get in touch with the Inquiry team: thrivingorsurviving@4children.org.uk 

 

Soap Box!!

·         Rolling back the tide

There are two stories this week that highlight the extent to which the Porn industry is using it’s billions of dollars or revenue to “normalise” its position in our culture.

 

The first is the news that one of the big players, Pornhub, has put some of its profits into philanthropic activities through a new venture, “Pornhub Cares”. It is well known that, particularly in the US, the public, investors and employees all like companies to actively engage in social and community work. At one time I worked for a major US construction company and they had a small global department promoting such activity, including granting employees a certain number of hours off each year to undertake work in such areas – it was considered a key part of the corporate image, featuring each year in the glossy Annual Report produced mainly for the analysts and investors on Wall Street.

 

So what this move really signals is not a sudden move towards philanthropy, but a move to make the companies behind Pornhub be more “mainstream”, able to attract serious investment, and appear to be responsible corporate citizens. This is hardly new – after all there are other potentially harmful industries that do likewise - tobacco companies for example, or the likes of the gambling companies that carefully put money into “Gambleaware”, and then claim the tax exemptions on each pound or dollar that they put that way.

 

Then there is the report from Canada that purports to show that actually people who view pornography have just the same attitudes to women as those who don’t. To be honest I’m amazed the article made it into an academic journal. First of all, as one of the commentators remarks, the average age of the population studied was 45, but we know that the biggest sector accessing porn is actually the 15-30 year olds. And the people aged 45+ who access porn regularly are probably more inclined to liberal views, which include of course a greater commitment to women’s rights etc than those who would self categorise as traditional/conservative. So the only way to actually assess the impact of porn would have been to compare with a control group of liberal minded people who do not use porn. This they haven’t done.

 

I have no idea who sponsored the Canadian study, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the funding came from the porn industry – sadly much apparently “independent” study relies on industry money to make its claims. Once again the tobacco industry comes to mind as one which for years sponsored “research” which purported to show that smoking was safe.

The internet porn industry only really started some 30 years ago, and was characterised by small independent content producers. In the past 10 years it has matured into an industry dominated by a few large global players, moving power to these large intermediaries who distribute the content, and make money from the associated advertising revenues. They now have the collective financial muscle to not only sponsor massive technology research programmes (most of the research about the next generation of man machine interfaces is being driven by the porn industry (eg interfaces that simulate smell, taste, and touch), but are also now seeking to be perceived as “good corporate citizens” through philanthropic gestures and quasi-academic research.

 

It has taken over a century for the dangerous effects of tobacco smoking to be acknowledged, and for the tide to be at least partly rolled back in the developed countries (smoking is still growing in the “developing” world). Even given the fact that industrialisation is forever gaining pace, it looks as though it could easily be a century before we start to roll back the tide of porn.

 

·         Next week

Next Monday we’ll be in Macedonia – all being well the ubiquitous internet will mean that we can bring you the newsletter as usual, though we may miss out the soapbox if the weather looks good!! Should be back to normal the following week.

 

 

Best wishes,

The 2-in-2-1 Team

 

Technical Stuff

 

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Fwd: ePrayer: A working model


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Date: Fri, Sep 11, 2015 at 4:00 AM
Subject: ePrayer: A working model
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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A working model

Scripture

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate?  Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.  

Philippians 2 v 1-2

Comment

Just because we married a fellow Christian doesn’t guarantee a trouble free path in life! But we have advantages if we realise the potential. The verses show a progression:

  1. Do we find daily encouragement and comfort walking with Jesus?
  2. Does that encouragement and love extend beyond our own individual experience into our relationship with each other – leading to “fellowship in the Spirit”?
  3. If we do-it will mean that our hearts will be kept tender and compassionate. Real daily connection with God’s love will re-charge our own resources.
  4. This will lead to the harmony and effective living that is one of the most glorious signs of a good marriage.

It doesn’t happen by default: we have to engage with God and each other. Questions

  • Are we sharing our spiritual life?
  • Are we praying together?
  • Are we enjoying God together?
  • Talk together about how to grow these?

Prayer (as a couple)

Lord Jesus – Sometimes we feel defeated. Sometimes we feel so far from each other. Help us to learn how to share our spiritual lives as well as our day to day working lives so that we may be encouraged by your love together. Amen

Prayer (for others)

Lord Jesus, we pray for our friends: (A and B) who got married this summer. May they learn quickly how to pray together and may they grow in their faith together and not apart. Amen

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Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay, (Sallust)







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Fwd: Got Differences? Participate in the Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group Tomorrow


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Better Marriages <phunt@bettermarriages.org>
Date: Mon, Aug 31, 2015 at 11:29 AM
Subject: Got Differences? Participate in the Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group Tomorrow
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


Do you want to grow closer as a couple?
Do you want the encouragement of being with other like-minded couples?
Do you want to explore important issues in your relationship?
The Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group is for you!
Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group
(VMEG)
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
8 pm Eastern

Topic: Our Differences
Join us Tomorrow!
Whether yours is a story of "birds of a feather flock together" or "opposites attract", this Virtual Marriage Enrichment Group (MEG) will provide a structure for exploring your individual differences both big and small. Learn how they impact your relationship and how to grow through that understanding.

How to Access the Virtual MEG


Attend by Phone:


Dial in number: (425) 440-5100


407740#Guest pin code:



Attend by webinar on your computer:

Click or cut and paste into your browser:http://Events.AttendThisEvent.com/?eventid=74117766

Eddie and Sylvia Robertson
The Robertsons are a certified Better Marriages Leader and Trainer Couple with many years experience facilitating Marriage Enrichment Groups.

They will put you at ease and provide ample opportunity for you to explore the topic privately as a couple.
Greg and Priscilla Hunt

The Hunts are certified Better Marriages Specialists in Marriage Enrichment. They will share openly and honestly about the impact their owndifferences have impacted their relationship - and what they've done to make them work for them to strengthen and grow their relationship.

This event is open to the public - please share

by email and social media!


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Better Marriages | P.O. Box 21374 | Winston-Salem | NC | 27120

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Fwd: Back to School & The Feast of St Bartholomew


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Pray as you go <feedback@pray-as-you-go.org>
Date: Mon, Aug 24, 2015 at 4:01 PM
Subject: Back to School & The Feast of St Bartholomew 
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


AMDG    The Feast of Bartholomew & Back to school resources!
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The Feast of St Bartholomew

Bartholomew the Apostle
St Bartholomew, a doctor in the Jewish law, was a dear friend of St. Philip the Apostle. Because Bartholomew was a man "in whom there was no guile," his mind was open to the truth. He went willingly with Philip to see Christ, and recognised the Saviour immediately as the Son of God. After having received the gifts of the Holy Spirit on the first Pentecost, Bartholomew evangelized Asia Minor, north western India, and Greater Armenia. In the latter country, while preaching to idolaters, he was arrested and condemned to death. 

In John's Gospel, Bartholomew is known by the name Nathaniel (although this is widely debated). He hailed from Cana in Galilee, was one of the first disciples called by the Lord. On their initial meeting Jesus uttered the compliment: "Behold, an Israelite indeed in whom there is no guile!" After the Resurrection he was favoured by becoming one of the few apostles who witnessed the appearance of the risen Saviour on the sea of Galilee (John 21:2). Following the Ascension he is said to have preached in Greater Armenia and to have been martyred there. While still alive, his skin was torn from his body. The Armenians honor him as the apostle of their nation.
Read more >>>

Back to School: Resources for young people

Examen Resources for the younger listeners!
As the next academic year approaches, children and young people might be looking for some resources to help their faith before braving another school year! We offer two Examens, one specifically for children, and the other for young adults to spend time reflecting and growing in contemplative prayer. 
Examen for children >>>
Examen for young adults >>>

 
Beatitudes on Film
If you have children and are keen to encourage them to reflect on the Bible in unique and creative ways, Thinking Faith has created the series, "Beatitudes on Film". This is a fun collection of articles that explores children's films for the teachings of the Beatitudes and imaginatively invites us to reflect on the subtle Biblical messages underlying the stories!
Have a look at the complete series >>>
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Fwd: Upcoming Mastering the Mysteries of Love Workshops for Couples


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <newsletter@nire.org>
Date: Thu, Jul 30, 2015 at 8:01 PM
Subject: Upcoming Mastering the Mysteries of Love Workshops for Couples
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


 

Please come, or pass this along to others!

Also, please send this out to any list serves you may be on.

Mastering the Mysteries of Love

Weekend Workshops for Couples

The National Institute of Relationship Enhancement® is offering the Mastering the Mysteries of Love version of the Relationship Enhancement® Program for couples in addition to the classic version of the RE Program.

Upcoming dates:

  • September 12-13, 2015 - Mastering the Mysteries of Love, with Carrie Hansen, LCSW-C 
  • November 21-22 2015 - Mastering the Mysteries of Love, with Rob Scuka, Ph.D.

Workshops are held in Bethesda, MD.

Cost is $450 per couple.

Further information can be found at www.nire.org.

Research: The RE Program and Mastering the Mysteries of Love are backed by 35 years of empirical research validating its effectiveness. In addition, an award-winning meta-analytic study involving thousands of couples and over a dozen approaches, demonstrated that RE clients showed far more powerful improvement effects than clients in any of the other interventions for couples or families with which it was compared.

Description: Couples spend two days learning 10 practical skills that deepen connection and empower them to resolve current and future problems on their own.

The skills you and your partner learn will help you:

  • establish a constructive, cooperative atmosphere for resolving difficult relationship issues
  • foster increased openness and trust
  • reduce defensiveness, anger and withdrawal
  • express your deepest feelings, concerns and desires openly, honestly and safely
  • nurture deepened caring and compassion
  • increase love and affection
  • create solutions to conflicts at their deepest levels
  • successfully implement agreed-to solutions and behavioral changes

The weekend program usually numbers between 4-10 couples in order to maintain a more intimate atmosphere. It also features significant time for private couples' exercises and dialogues, which part of the time are facilitated by trained coaches.

The program is non-residential and meets on Saturday from 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. and on Sunday from 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Information on discounted hotel room rates for those visiting from out of town are available upon registration. Snacks and beverages are provided; participants have lunch on their own.

For further information, please call NIRE at 301-680-8977 or send an email to: niremd@nire.org

To Register, you have three options.

1. You may register on-line at www.nire.org

2. You may register by fax. Registrations by fax should be faxed to 502-226-7088 and must be accompanied by a credit card number. Please write your name exactly as it appears on the credit card, the expiration date and your signature. Also provide the address associated with the credit card number, a cell phone number by which you can be reached, and the dates for which you are registering.

3. You may register by mail. If you register by mail, please include your name, address, home and cell phone numbers, and the dates for which you are registering.

Payment may be made either by check or credit card. 

If paying by credit card, please provide a credit card number. Please write your name exactly as it appears on the credit card, the expiration date and your signature. Also provide the address associated with the credit card number.

Registrations by mail should be mailed to:

NIRE
4400 East-West Highway #24
Bethesda, MD 20814

Please note: It is not safe to send credit card information via email.



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Fwd: Internship/Job Opportunity - Work on the New Evangelization!

pass it on...


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Trinity House Cafe <info@trinityhousecafe.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 2:25 PM
Subject: Internship/Job Opportunity - Work on the New Evangelization!
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


Starting September 2015!

Trinity House Fellows Program

Trinity House Cafe
 
New Springtime
St. John's Parish
TRINITY HOUSE CAFE is hiring high school graduates, college students, or young adults who would like to join our Fellows Program and find out what it's like to work in the New Evangelization! Owned by the John Paul II Fellowship, a non-profit dedicated to renewing community and culture, Trinity House Cafe is our outreach in the public square. Located in Leesburg, Virginia, we are a new model for the New Evangelization.

Our FELLOWS PROGRAM is a year-long, partially-paid internship for those looking to gain experience in the New Evangelization. High school graduates, college students, or young adults are invited to apply now to start the program in September 2015. The program has several aspects including:

* FORMATION - Fellows will be trained and formed in the ways of the New Evangelization. With the local Catholic parish being three blocks away, many spiritual goods will be offered like daily mass, holy hour, confession, bible studies, etc.

LIVING IN COMMUNITY - Each Fellow will be provided free housing by living with a family or individual member of the local parish community. Fellows will help Christian families follow the model of Trinity House, making their own domestic churches into "Trinity Houses" for the whole neighborhood.

SERVICE IN THE NEW EVANGELIZATION - Fellows will be partaking in the New Evangelization in two ways:

Cafe Work: At Trinity House Cafe, the New Evangelization is based on hospitality and service. Fellows will be trained to spend about 15 paid hours per week providing a warm welcome to our hungry guests, making coffee and tea drinks and simple meals, and bussing tables and washing dishes in service to our guests and their fellow staff.  Through the cafe work, Fellows will learn that humble service is the basis for building a healthy community and culture.

Non-Profit Work: Trinity House Fellows will spend about 15 unpaid hours a week working for the non-profit John Paul II Fellowship which owns Trinity House Cafe. Fellows will learn a wide range of skills from creating, managing, and running workshops and events, to marketing, fundraising, and working with local businesses and groups. Fellows will learn how to work with youth and families in the parish to engage the laity in renewing community and culture. Trinity House events promote spiritual formation, learning, the arts, music, and other cultural activities.

For more information, please see www.trinityhousecafe.com. To apply, please send a letter of interest and your resume to Brendan Keane, Fellows Program Manager, at bkeane@masonlive.gmu.edu.


 

Our mailing address is:
Trinity House Cafe
101 E Market St
Leesburg, VA 20176

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Fwd: People For Others


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: People for Others <noreply+feedproxy@google.com>
Date: Thu, Jul 23, 2015 at 8:16 AM
Subject: People For Others
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


People For Others


Thursdays with Thibodeaux – 3

Posted: 22 Jul 2015 09:00 PM PDT

Reimagining-the-Ignatian-Examen-540

The first Examen that Mark proposes is the Traditional Ignatian Examen.

St. Ignatius himself recommends these five steps: Relish the good, Request the Spirit, Review the day, Repent from any wrongdoing, and Resolve to live well tomorrow.

1. I begin in my usual way. [If you need help, see here]

2. First, I relish. I ask God to reveal to me all the gifts and graces he has given me this day, from the really big ones (my life, safety, love) to the really small ones (a good night’s sleep, an affirming phone call from a friend, a task completed, a compliment paid to me). For each gift that comes to mind, I spend a moment giving thanks and praise.

3. Second, I request. Knowing that I need God’s help to see my darker side realistically but from the perspective of God’s merciful love, I ask God to fill me with his Spirit. I ask God to be the leader and initiator of this prayer time, rather than letting me make it an obsessive brooding over the things I don’t like about myself.

4. Third, I review. Going hour by hour, I review my day In my imagination, I relive each significant moment of my day. I linger at the important moments, and I pass quickly through the less relevant ones.

5. Fourth, I repent. As I review my days I continue thanking God for all the gifts that I find in it. But now, I pause at any of the difficult moments of the day—when I had a bad thought, said something I shouldn’t have, or did something inappropriate. I also pay attention to any missed opportunities, such as when I could have acted in a more Christian manner but didn’t. When I find moments in which I was not fully the person I’m called to be, I stop and ask forgiveness from God. I try to sense his healing mercy washing over me, making me clean and whole.

6. Fifth, I resolve. With what I have learned during this prayer time about myself and my life, I ask God to show me, concretely, how he wants me to respond or what he wants me to do tomorrow. Perhaps more important, I ask God to show me what kind of person God is calling me to be tomorrow. I resolve to be that person. I might even make some sort of commitment to that effect. I ask God for the help to be the person I’m called to be.

7. I end in my usual way. [If you need help, see here]

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Fwd: [New Post] Why I Like to Fight with My Wife


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: UnTangled <drkellyflanagan@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 22, 2015 at 6:04 AM
Subject: [New Post] Why I Like to Fight with My Wife
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


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Why I Like to Fight with My Wife

By Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Jul 22, 2015 03:00 am
Read this post on DrKellyFlanagan.com 

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A healthy marriage should look a lot like the Stanley Cup Finals. This is what I mean by that…

marital conflict

Photo Credit: clydeorama via Compfight cc

Last month, as my oldest son and I watched the Chicago Blackhawks win game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals, he pointed out something a little startling during the post-game on-ice celebration. In the 1990s, when it was the Bulls bringing championships to Chicago, at the final buzzer, their defeated opponent would immediately sprint for the locker room, hiding from the victors and their joy.

But last month, the defeated Tampa Bay Lightning did no such thing.

They waited patiently, for many minutes, as the Blackhawks celebrated together. Then, both sets of men lined up, as they’ve been doing since they were little boys, and they slowly moved past each other, giving handshakes and hugs and warm words of affirmation.

Although the teams had been in conflict for seven very intense games, there was a palpable sense of unity, as if both teams were part of something bigger than a contest, part of a great tradition called hockey, part of a mutual admiration for each other and a mutual respect for a game they are all indebted to. As I watched, I knew the post-game handshake was revealing something essential about conflict:

Conflict isn’t meant to be won; it’s meant to make us one.

Don’t Do Away With Conflict; Do Away With This

My goal as a marital therapist is not to help couples stop fighting. Conflict itself isn’t toxic to relationships. The elephant in the room is. The unspoken thing. The thing we avoid because we think the thing to avoid is conflict. Conflict is essential to relationships, and it’s essential to marriage.

My goal as a marital therapist is to help couples fight without ego.

Because it is the ego within our conflict that makes it destructive rather than redemptive, wounding instead of healing, brutal instead of beautiful. The ego is the presence within us that says the other side is always wrong, losing is always bad, and we must win at all costs. It’s what makes it hard for me to admit I’ve made a mistake. It’s why I bristle at legitimate criticism.

It makes conflict a minefield for my opponent, er, wife.

For years, I didn’t know conflict could happen without ego, so I assumed the only sane thing to do was to avoid conflict altogether. I’m not alone. The majority of couples I see in therapy don’t come in because they’ve been fighting like cats and dogs. They come in because they’ve been fighting like ships in the night, which is to say, not at all, passing by each other in silence, never addressing the real differences and divisions in their relationship.

But once the ego dissolves a bit and conflict is waged in the language of our lovely souls, you realize conflict is essential to intimacy and harmony and the very fiber of caring and commitment and community. Which is why, now, I tell couples if you want to save your marriage, don’t silence your conflict, silence your ego.

Leave Us In Peace to Fight

There’s an ancient Jewish parable that goes something like this:

Two rabbis have been arguing over the same verse in the Torah for more than two decades. Every afternoon, they retire to a nearby park and resume the debate. Finally, one afternoon, God becomes so annoyed by the endless discussion that he parts the clouds and a great booming voice declares from the sky, “I will tell you what the verse means.” The rabbis look at each other and then turn toward the voice, thundering back in unison, “Why would you end our conversation? Leave us in peace to debate it!” The clouds close and God returns to the heavens, pleased, I think, that the rabbis have embraced the true purpose of conflict.

Conflict need not drive us apart; in fact, it is meant to bring us together.

When Warring Becomes One-ing

Somewhere at the center of each of us is a soul that doesn’t fight fair.

It fights even better than fair.

It fights with a fierce love. Like two rabbis, it goes to the park every afternoon for conflict that feels more like communion. Like two hockey teams, it lines up at the end of the contest for handshakes and hugs. It fights with its arms so wide open it makes space for all people to come together. If it fights for anything, it’s to make the world a more beautiful place.

Conflict in marriage will never disappear. Nor should it. But extract the ego from it, and you are left with two people, dedicating their lives to wrestling out this one fleeting existence together. And then, at the end of the day, lining up for healing hugs and warm words. This might even be the purpose of marriage: a training ground for fighting with our souls rather than our egos.

In this sense, the world desperately needs the institution of marriage.

The Jewish word for peace is shalom. It means wholeness and harmony. But shalom is not what happens when conflict is finally settled; shalom is what happens in the midst of conflict, when egos fade and the struggle becomes something that forms two into one. Shalom is what happens when our warring becomes a kind of one-ing. In our marriages. And in our world.

That’s why marriage should look like the Stanley Cup Finals.

And that’s why I like to fight with my wife.

You can leave a comment by clicking here.

—————

Next Post: Dear Parent, Cut Yourself Some Slack

Free eBook: My eBook, The Marriage Manifesto: Turning Your World Upside Down, is available free to new blog subscribers. If you are not yet a subscriber, you can click here to subscribe, and your confirmation e-mail will include a link to download the eBook. Or, the book is also now available for Kindle and Nook

Disclaimer: My writings represent a combination of my own personal opinions and my professional experiences, but they do not reflect professional advice. Interaction with me via the blog does not constitute a professional therapeutic relationship. For professional and customized advice, you should seek the services of a counselor who can dedicate the hours necessary to become more intimately familiar with your specific situation. I do not assume liability for any portion or content of material on the blog and accept no liability for damage or injury resulting from your decision to interact with the website.


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Fwd: Tip of the Month - Your Third Ear l July 2015


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: The Family Institute at Northwestern University <tips@family-institute.org>
Date: Wed, Jul 22, 2015 at 10:43 AM
Subject: Tip of the Month - Your Third Ear l July 2015
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com



JULY 2015

Your Third Ear

 

You're at a party. Alcohol is flowing. After a half-hour chatting with others, you spot your partner across the room and meander over. Almost instantly, she complains that you've abandoned her. Her tone is surprisingly harsh. Do you hear the likely sound of alcohol influencing what she's saying, and making it impossible -- you know this from experience -- to have a productive conversation?

 

You're fixing dinner when your partner comes home. Immediately you sense his tenseness. Your greeting receives a short, curt reply. He asks if you've brought in the mail, then quickly turns away. Do you hear the likely sound of a rough day, or maybe bad commute traffic, coloring his words and tone?

 

The two of you are debating a decision that needs resolution by the end of the week. The conversation has deteriorated; you're both frustrated and tired. Your partner erupts with hurtful words of criticism and anger. Do you hear the sound of her emotional brain hijacking her logical brain? (see Two Brains)

 

We all have a Third Ear, but we don't always use it. The Third Ear hears beyond the surface words to a spouse's underlying mood or emotions. With our Third Ear we're like an audience listening while staying in our seats, never climbing onto the stage to join the drama. While hearing something potentially button-pushing, the Third Ear's signal reminds us to refrain from taking the bait ... and to aim for Being Smart instead of Being Right (see Right Versus Smart).

 

Here's what listening with the Third Ear might lead us to say in the examples above:

  1. Let's talk about this in the morning. For now, I'll stay by your side.
  2. Do I detect difficult feelings right now? Talk to me, tell me what's going on.
  3. We're both worked up right now. Let's take a break and continue the conversation after we've calmed down.

To listen with our Third Ear, we need to control our own emotional reactivity, our tendency to get quickly hooked by our partner's words or tone. That can only be done by moving slowly, as it takes the Third Ear -- compared to our customary hearing -- a bit more time to "hear" what's going on. In the next Couples Tip of the Month, we'll tackle the question of how to slow ourselves down.

 
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