Coffin Corner

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We think we know the facts of life, we think we have become uniquely knowledgeable about sex. In fact, the sex revolution has created destructive new norms that harm people both physically and emotionally

THIS week was Sexual Health Awareness Week (SHAW), in case you hadn’t noticed. It was hosted by the Royal College of Physicians.

A report issued to coincide with SHAW uses the World Health Organisation's definition of sexual health, which is as follows: A state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.

That definition actually isn’t bad, but to judge from the talks given during SHAW, the Royal College itself has no proper understanding of some of the very contemporary dangers to people’s sexual health, especially the emotional dangers, dangers produced by the sex revolution itself.

To learn more about this the members of the College would do well to read a really excellent book published last year called Premarital Sex in America. A great deal of it applies to Ireland.

The book lists ten myths that lead young people, especially women, to act against their best interests.

Here is what we think are the main five:

1. Long-term exclusivity is a fiction

Long-term exclusivity is actually still commonplace, the book states, although obviously less so  than in the past. But the perception that it is rare leads young people to believe it can be a risk to invest too much in a relationship emotionally speaking. This means they often ‘bounce’ in and out of relationships. However, despite their best efforts not to invest too much in these relationships, women in particular often do so anyway, and this can leave them feeling very badly let down when they end. But if they don't invest emotionally, they often feel let down anyway because they wanted to invest emotionally.

This may seem like a stereotype but it is probably the single most important finding of Premarital Sex in America.

2. The introduction of sex is necessary in order to sustain a fledgling or struggling relationship

In fact, the evidence is that the early introduction of sex into such relationships makes them even more unstable because it means men have to invest even less into them emotionally to gain what they want short-term.

3. It doesn’t matter what other people do sexually; you make your own decisions

This is arguably the most pernicious myth of all because the decisions other people make affect your decisions as well. This is because those other decisions create norms you are then expected to obey even if you don’t like them, for example, to have sex earlier in a relationship than you might wish.

As the authors put it: “free choice disappears when the majority of men and women become constrained by the structured expectations of fairly prompt sex within romantic relationships, fewer expectations for commitment and permanence, etc.”

Again, as the authors point out, these expectations have a more adverse effect on men than on women.

4. Sex need not mean anything

Quoting the book again: “This myth might not be a myth if you own a set of XY chromosomes. But if you’re an XX the odds are simply against it.”

5. Marriage can always wait

Americans today delay getting married. Irish people delay even longer. Irish men are 33 on average getting married and women are 31 on average.

The myth is that waiting will have no adverse consequences, only good ones, in that you can spend your 20s enjoying your 'freedom'. (Why the quotation marks? Because as mentioned in number 3 above, that freedom is itself something of a myth)

In response to the notion that marriage can wait, the authors state: “Many lose sight of the fact…that there is a marriage market out there just like there’s a sex market. It’s s pool that does not grow deeper and more impressive with age…optimal candidates tend to get selected earlier rather than later.”

Premarital Sex in America should be renamed ‘The facts of Life’. We think we know the facts of life, we think we have become uniquely wise and knowledgeable about sex. In fact, the sex revolution has created destructive new norms that bear down more heavily on women than men and often damage their emotional as well as physical health.

On this point, one very startling finding is as follows; among American women aged 18-23 who have had just one or two sexual partners to date, 10pc have suffered from a depressive illness at some point, but among their counterparts who have had ten or more sexual partners, this soars to over 30pc.

Therefore, having multiple sexual partners is a big threat to women’s mental and emotional health. That should have alarm bells ringing loudly.

One of the reasons people often act in ways that go against their sexual interests is because the above myths about sex are now deeply entrenched in society.

Is it too much to expect the Royal College of Physicians to take some of this into account for next year’s SHAW? 
 
(On a related topic, in his column in today's Irish Independent, David Quinn writes about the 50th anniversary of The Late Late Show and how it wrongly convinced itself, and us, that we are now 'mature' about sex. Click here to read it).

ENDS