 
Five Minutes for Marriage
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Optimism is America's birthright.... There is no social problem Americans dare not attack. No problem, that is, except one: about marriage, and marriage alone, we despair.
Maggie Gallagher, co-author of The Case for Marriage
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The BULLETIN INSERT for December; choose either color or black & white; encourages couples grow in forgiveness.
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The CLASS LIST for December describes opportunities couples might use to grow their relationships.
Is your church offering classes or seminars that should be included here? We would like to add them.
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Your prayers and financial help to strengthen marriage
are greatly appreciated
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Dave and Margaret Armentrout are Directors of Every Marriage Matters. Dave is a semi-retired manager. Margaret is a homemaker and former high school teacher.
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Every Marriage Matters
1005 Woodlawn Ave
Oregon City, Oregon 97045
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YOU ARE THE MAN / WOMAN!
We've been in the trenches together since 2001 defending marriage within your congregations. Together you band of brothers (and sisters) have seen the impact of divorce in Clackamas County fall a huge 23%. As a result there are 2300 couples and their 2600 children that did not go through divorce but are healthier today. Congratulations!
The vehicle that has bonded us together in building healthy marriage is the Clackamas County Marriage Policy, crafted in 2001 by a small team of local pastors under the guidance of Mike McManus of Marriage Savers. So far, more than 200 cities and towns in 43 states have created Community Marriage Policies and divorce rates have fallen in the served communities an average of 17.5%, and cohabitation by a third.
Every Marriage Matters is expanding the reach of our local Policy into the four county Metro Portland area with a renamed Greater Portland Community Marriage Policy. This is a daunting task for an all volunteer team, your prayers and financial support would be greatly appreciated.
By way of comparison, take a look at the recent article Fight to Reduce Divorce an Uphill Battle. It discusses Oklahoma's governmental approach to reduce divorce. Seventy million tax dollars have been spent since 1999. There have been good results but not sufficient to keep the State's divorce rate from climbing. However, Oklahoma no longer has the highest divorce rate in our nation, but only the 4th highest.
The church and His shepherds can significantly move forward His plan for a man and a woman. Please join us in the implementation of the Greater Portland Marriage Policy. Forward to us your signed copy and we will see that you receive a copy suitable for display.
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DECEMBER'S FEATURED VIDEO
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COMING EVENTS
Marriage Week (February 7-14 every year). Plan now, a couple suggestions: A sermon for February 9 and a Art of Marriage DVD (either a Fri-Sat seminar or a small group presentation, Click here for info). Sermon suggestions and more may be found at NationalMarriageWeekUSA.org.
Portland Date Night Challenge 2014 is scheduled for the month of August.
I Still Do a one day event from FamilyLife is scheduled for August 23 at the Modo Center.
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MARRIAGE ENCOURAGEMENT
Eating Salt Together: The Real Life of a Home. We don't need the latest study to show us that we are losing the ability to live in communion, even with those closest to us. And not only does this problem start in our homes, it grows there. Home-the very word should resonate with feelings of warmth, belonging, togetherness. It should be the most reliable place of real personal intimacy, the surest antidote to the great bane of human existence: loneliness. But more and more, it is not. (by John A. Cuddeback, Institute for Family Studies blog)
Friends Help Friends Stay Happily Married. I need girlfriends who will look out for my marriage. Friends who will be vigilant against bad attitudes, harsh words or unkind treatment... that I unleash on my husband. Friends who won't just "allow" me to put my husband before them, but who actually encourage me to do so. (by Mary Osborne, her iBelieve.com blog)
Fun in Marriage? Put on your calendar 2 hours in the next week for time alone with your husband. Write it in ink not pencil. Of course you don't have time for this. But you can't afford not to do this. Plan something crazy and fun. (by Susan Yates, MomLifeToday.com)
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MARRIAGE PREPARATION
Heartbreakers get a bad rap in the marriage stakes. A problem arises when a low-frequency dater meets a high-frequency dater and doesn't know it. He or she can tell that the high-frequency dater is interested, but can't tell whether or not it is because that person is nearly always interested (an ''easy lover'') or similarly cautious and genuinely finds him or her extraordinary. (by Peter Martin, Canberra Times)
What Makes a Woman Significant? What does a "godly woman" look like? How can a woman fulfill the eternal purpose for which God created her? Thankfully, the Word of God gives us the instructions we need. One of my favorite biblical role models is Mary of Nazareth. In her life I have found a wealth of wisdom for my own walk with God. Her story illustrates many of the characteristics of the kind of woman God uses to fulfill His redemptive purposes in our world. (by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, FamilyLife)
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HURDLES IN MARRIAGE
How to Rest in Grace While God Works in Your Marriage.When you base your marriage on grace, you can let go of the burden of trying to change it yourself and rest in the confidence that God will work through you to bring about change. (by Whitney Hopler, CrossWalk.com)
Marriage Isn't For You. To all who are reading this article-married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette-I want you to know that marriage isn't for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love. (by Seth Adam Smith, his SethAdamSmith.com blog)
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COHABITATION AND AFFAIRS
Broken Marriage, Broken Church, New Beginnings. One of the greatest needs among church planters is emotional support, especially in their marriages. Justin and Trisha Davis know that reality all too well. In 2005, three years into a growing church plant in Indianapolis, Justin had an affair with a woman on his staff who happened to be Trisha's best friend. Although the church plant had launched under the watchful eye of two local, contributing churches and Justin met with accountability partners weekly, his fall was inevitable, he says, because his first mistress was the church herself. (by Melissa Riddle Chalos, Outreach Magazine)
Economically speaking, marriage is not overrated. A Gallup poll shows married Americans tend to have an above-average income, which leads to more spending which stimulates the economy. Domestic partners come close to the spending of marrieds, those who remain unmarried still fall short of those who buckle down and tie the knot. Those who remain single spend the least, "at least in part because they have lower-than-average incomes." (by JJ Feinauer, Deseret News)
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MONEY
In our opinion: Stable marriage is the key to ending the cycle of poverty. The evidence is clear. Nothing can end the cycle of poverty quite like a stable marriage. So why isn't this a higher national priority? The decline of marriage in the United States has not been an equal-opportunity failure. College educated and affluent young people still tie the knot at the rate of about 84 percent. Among those with the least education, however, the rate is only about 48 percent. (Deseret News editorial)
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DISTRESS AND DIVORCE
Is Divorce Contagious? A research team at Brown University analyzed three decades of data on marriage, divorce and remarriage. They found that study participants were 75% more likely to become divorced if a friend is divorced and 33% more likely to end their marriage if a friend of a friend is divorced. So divorce is contagious? (By Rich Morin, Pew Research Center)
Depression: 10 Fascinating Insights into a Misunderstood Condition. Depressed people feel helpless, hopeless, worthless and that their lives are out of control. Easy enough to state but much harder to treat, and still harder to deal with. But depression is a much more complex condition than many realise. It's more than just 'being sad' all the time or thinking that life has no meaning. (by
PsyBlog)
"Hard" vs. "Soft" Reasons That Lead to Divorce. If both parties will each take personal responsibility and focus on their own skills upgrade, the whole picture of their relationship turns around. Even one person can turn the marriage around. (by Gary Thomas, his GaryThomas.com blog)
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BLENDED FAMILY MINISTRY
Remarriage issues are very different from first marriages. A new book, 'The Remarriage Blueprint' by Maggie Scarf, focuses on the obstacles that seven remarried couples faced in combining families, bank accounts and daily routines. In her book, Scarf cites research that shows 40% of new marriages include one previously-married partner. She discusses challenges in remarriage and the forces that make the new partner an "outsider," from children and parenting tasks that put the couple at odds to the uniting of disparate family cultures. (by Sharon Jayson, USA Today)
Swimming in the Blended Family Ocean. Remarried couples - and especially those with children - swim in a different ocean than first-marriage couples. The water temperature can be a little cooler - trusting a spouse can be a challenge after you've been hurt in a previous relationship. There are unique under-currents - most everyone in the stepfamily has experienced a loss that is always just under the surface, influencing everyday interactions. They run into a few more sharks - think of loyalty conflicts and ex-spouses. (by Ron L. Deal, FamilyLife Blended)
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PARENTING / YOUTH MINISTRY
10 Current Psychology Studies Every Parent Should Know. One of the many reasons parenting is an impossible job is that everyone is giving you advice, and much of it is rubbish. Frankly, it's amazing we've all made it this far. So, bucking the trend of random anecdote and superstition, here are ten recent psychology studies that every parent should know. Whether parents are happier than non-parents, why siblings are so different, the perils of discipline, bedtimes, TV and more... (by Jeremy Dean, PsyBlog)
America's Marriage Problem is Incompetence. Until the last century, marriage was not an endeavor, but an institution. For better or worse, that institution provided the foundation for American society to go about its business of being productive and raising new generations that would be even better able to enjoy opportunities for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. (By Seth Eisenberg, FatherhoodChannel.com)
Five of the Best Gifts You Can Give Your Children. What parent doesn't want to give good gifts to their kids? But what kind of gifts should they choose? Here are five of the best gifts you can give your children. (by Rebecca Barlow Jordan, CrossWalk.com)
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Treasure your spouse. Date weekly. Have fun. Laugh together. Encourage each other. Enjoy together this season celebrating Jesus' birth. Pray together, too.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Respectfully,
Tom and Liz Dressel
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