Coffin Corner

Parenting for Emotional Intelligence

In most areas of the United States, children are either preparing to go back to school in a week or so, or they have already started again. Do you remember what that was like? Or, perhaps you are currently a student. What do you feel about going back to school?
 

We have been discussing Smart Relationships and Emotional Intelligence, and we believe it is possible to teach your children emotional intelligence. You can equip them to deal with the everyday challenges, fears, and hurdles of growing up.  In fact, it might be easier to teach this stuff to a child than a “set-in-their-ways” adult. Bad relational habits get cemented over time, making it harder and harder to turn them around. A child doesn’t have the same baggage. Children are much more emotionally flexible.
 

But, how do you teach emotional intelligence to your kids, when you are not so sure you get it yourself? Here are a few, solid, foundational tools to give to your child that will help him/her navigate the minefield that is school:

 

1. Stop and Breathe – Kids are much more comfortable expressing emotion, but that means there is also a greater danger in young people of losing control. Equip them before they face moments of intense emotion to stop themselves from reacting. They should focus on their heart, slow down their breathing – imagining that the breath is entering and leaving the heart area, and remember a time when s/he felt good inside, attempting to recapture that feeling. We call this the Quick Coherence Technique, and it works in any time and place!

2. Behaviors are Symptoms, not Character – Our behaviors do not define us. They are an outflow of what is truly happening under the surface. So, most bullies are not actually evil. They simply do not have the tools to deal appropriately with the tumultuous emotional stuff that is swirling around within themselves. Teaching your child to remember this will help him/her not only become more aware of what is going on internally, but it will also help them learn to truly empathize with others. Your kids will be gifted at seeing the good in other people.

3. Dinner – Food always works. Try an experiment. When talking around the dinner table, instead of only asking your children what they did or what happened during the school day, during each accounting of the days events, ask an “Emotion Question”.  How did you feel after Joe said that to you?” ”What did it feel like to be affirmed by your teacher in front of the class?” These kind of questions get to the heart of your child’s experience, show the child that you are truly invested in their well-being, and build an intimate connection for open communication between you. Plus, you will learn quite a bit about yourself in the process!

Try out some of these tips, or all of them, right away this school year.  In so doing, you can help your children feel like they have, in you, an advocate and partner in the adventure of growing up!

 

 

Building Your Love

There are still a few spots open for out "Building Your Love" workshop and couples getaway at St. Norbert Abbey, Sept. 27-28, in De Pere, WI, for more info, click above and remember: OUR EARLY BIRD SPECIAL ENDS THIS FRIDAY, SEPT. 13!!

Blessing in the Lesson

In other words… a BLESSON is what happens when you see the BLESSING in the LESSON that your challenge taught you.
 

~ Karen Salmansohn

Coaching

Most of us understand that great relationships do not just happen. We know that marriages and parenting take real work and dedication. We understand that family and friends require our investment. We know that strong business relationships are the key to success. Yet we are rarely taught the essential skills that are the foundation of truly successful relationships. This is where coaching comes in. Learn more here.

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