Coffin Corner

It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes.

In this Issue

Dear Bill,

White and summer go together for two reasons. First, there's that old rule of dress that white can only be worn between Memorial Day and Labor Day. The second reason is more significant and less outdated. White indicates that wedding season is upon us. It begins in June when 13,000 Americans each day are wedded.

Weddings have long been celebrations shared with family and friends. Yet often the essence of the wedding--the marriage--becomes lost in the details and delight of the occasion. You only have to look at the number of wedding boards on Pinterest, flip past Wedding Crashers playing on cable, or check the rising costs of weddings (one measure found the average cost is $25,200) to realize how often the focus is shifted.

The Catholic faith has always understood a wedding as more than a party or cultural trend, instead maintaining the human and Sacramental significance of the marital union that begins at the wedding. The Catechism says, "Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes." 

Pope Francis captured it perfectly when he told World Youth Day Volunteers, "Today, there are those who say that marriage is out of fashion. Is it out of fashion? In a culture of relativism and the ephemeral, many preach the importance of 'enjoying' the moment. They say that it is not worth making a life-long commitment, making a definitive decision, 'for ever', because we do not know what tomorrow will bring. I ask you, instead, to be revolutionaries, I ask you to swim against the tide; yes, I am asking you to rebel against this culture that sees everything as temporary and that ultimately believes you are incapable of responsibility, that believes you are incapable of true love. I have confidence in you and I pray for you. Have the courage 'to swim against the tide'." 

Psychological research has also generated its own body of knowledge explaining what ingredients make a lasting, fulfilling marriage. Last month, The Atlantic published an article on the decades of research conducted by John Gottman. In 1990 he and his colleagues observed 130 newlywed couples for an afternoon. They found striking differences in the way couples interacted with one another. Gottman explains that when a person attempts to connect with his or her spouse, the spouse may "turn-toward" (by responding positively with attention and interest) or "turn-away (by ignoring the attempt or responding blandly). Six years after the observation, couples that had divorced "turned-toward" only 33% of the attempts at connection, whereas the couples that remained happily married, "turned-toward" one another nearly every time (an impressive 87%). His research supports what faith teaches--that love expressed in kindness is foundational to marriage.

At IPS, we want to be part of the solution to promoting lasting marriages and strong families, who know how to show love and repair hurt. To this end, we are offering a 40% discount on two certificates "Marriage and Family Support" and "Conflict Resolution Skills" for the next five days.

Wedding Season Double-Feature