Coffin Corner

From: Ozarks Marriage Matters [phyllis@forest.ccsend.com] on behalf of Ozarks Marriage Matters [newsletter@ozarksmarriagematters.org]
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2010 5:33 AM
To: Coffin, Bill (ACF)
Subject: [MARKETING EMAIL]OMM News & Notes - December 14, 2010

In This Issue: What Kind of Gift Will You Give? Getaway Together Marriage Retreat - January 14-15, 2011 One Hour Host Training for Individuals or Couples January 5, 2011    Ask Your Relationship Questions

Last week when I said that 23% of children living in single-parent families were below the poverty line as compared to only 6% of children in married-couple families, I was wrong. Actually, there are even a higher percentage of children in female-headed families below the poverty line-36%, as compared to the 6% in married couple families. Unfortunately, this kind of occurrence in a child's life, i.e., the non-marriage or divorce of his or her parents is a "gift" that just keeps on giving. It affects health, future wealth and one's education. For instance, let's take a six-year-old whose parents divorce today, and then jump ahead a decade or so to when he applies for college. What kind of challenges will be faced then? --> 

  

Check out our new Ask A Question web page where you can send Dr. Baker a question that she just might answer the next time she's on the air with Andy Taylor - Tuesday, December 21. -->

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From: Dave and Liz Percival [dave@2-in-2-1.co.uk]
Sent: Monday, December 13, 2010 10:29 AM
To: info@2-in-2-1.co.uk
Subject: Weekly Update of UK Marriage News - No 10.47

He said: "My view remains that we should recognise and value the commitment that people make to one another. And by the way, that's whether it's between a man and a woman, a man and a man or a woman and another woman."

In his first major speech on families policy since taking power, Mr Cameron warned that broken homes were at the root of Britain's social ills. "The seeds of so many social problems – as well as success stories – are sown in the early years," he said. "When parents have bad relationships, their child is more likely to live in poverty, fail at school, end up in prison, be unemployed later in life. It would be wrong for public policy to ignore all this."

Mr Cameron said 46,000 of the most chaotic families cost the country an estimated £4 billion a year - almost £100,000 each – in benefits, social workers, police time and prison places.

He promised plans for a new system of flexible parental leave to help mothers and fathers share childcare during the first year of a baby's life. The tax system must also be more family-friendly, he said. "It's wrong that we're one of the few countries in the world that doesn't properly recognise marriage in the tax system – and I want to see that change," he said. "Of course, I know not everyone agrees with this proposal – and as part of the coalition agreement, we have agreed with the Liberal Democrats that they will abstain on any budget resolutions on transferable tax allowances for married couples."

Speaking to Relate, the relationships charity, in Leeds, Mr Cameron announced that he had appointed a new families "tsar" in a drive to help households in crisis escape unemployment and poverty. Emma Harrison, the entrepreneur and chairman of A4e (Action for Employment), will support hundreds of families in a pilot scheme to help them find work. The Government's new drive will ultimately help 120,000 families experiencing major problems. Mr Cameron said he wanted to try turn around every troubled family in the country by the end of this Parliament.

One aspect of the speech of interest to those reading this newsletter, but not covered in the press reads as follows:

"There's a lot of evidence to suggest that while people initially look to families and friends for help with any problems they face, when things get really tough they do want more expert advice. Indeed, two-thirds of people who have separated, one-half of those who plan to separate, and even one-in-five people in a stable relationship say they would like more direct help with relationship problems.

What's more, as you well know, when couples are helped through their problems, relationships can be revived and if not, breakdown managed in a way that ensures the best possible outcome for children. Put simply: relationship support is what some couples want and what, at times, can work.

Indeed, this morning, I met the campaign organisation Kids in the Middle, an extraordinary coalition of voluntary groups and agony aunts and uncles who help families with relationship troubles – and some of their success stories were inspirational. Now, government could ignore all this. Or it could see if there's anything we can do to help Kids in the Middle, Relate, the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships, One Plus One and all those other organisations that provide relationship support. That's what we're doing.

One big problem organisations like you face is a lack of resources. I can announce today we are going to put funding for relationship support on a stable footing. From now on, we will dedicate £7.5 million a year to supporting relationships and this will give you, and other organisations working hard to support families, the certainty you need to plan for the future. I can also announce that we will offer up space in government buildings after hours so you can cut your waiting lists and see more couples.

Another area where we can help is in fighting the stigma against seeking relationship advice. It's a tragedy that so many couples feel they can't seek help because of what others think. Government can take a lead here. We are reviewing sex education in schools, so young people learn about the importance of relationships early on. And we are working with business and the media to see what they can do – in the products they create and campaigns they run – to de-stigmatise relationship support."

Commenting on the speech Dr Katherine Rake, Chief Executive of the Family and Parenting Institute, said: "It is very encouraging to see the Prime Minister recognise that strong relationships between parents are important in all family types. This is an important acknowledgement of the need to focus on the whole family to improve children's lives, rather than taking an isolated child-focused approach.

"Mr Cameron's acknowledgement that spending cuts will present very significant challenges for UK couples was necessary. Money and time are such crucial factors in determining the success of relationships. Parents will now look to the government to deliver on its pledge to extend their rights to request flexible working. Commuting mothers and fathers will also hold Mr Cameron to account on his pledge to improve transport and get them home in time to read a bedtime story."

Dr Rake added: "Marriage is an enormously important institution. However, a tax break for married couples could cost up to half a billion pounds to the public purse and it is unclear that this would operate as an incentive for couples to either stay or get married."

·         Unmarried parents 'to blame for rise in broken homes'

Nearly half of children born today will be living in broken homes by the age of 16 as growing numbers of families split up, according to analysis of official figures reports the Telegraph and the Daily Mail. The sharp increase in unmarried couples having children was to blame for the rise in parental separation rates, a study from the Centre for Social Justice think-tank claimed.

The report called for a major shift in policy to reassert the "vital" importance of marriage as a more stable form of commitment than cohabitation. The research suggested that the taxpayer spent billions of pounds on benefits for single parents as a result of the "utterly avoidable" breakdown in families every year. It followed concerns from Iain Duncan Smith, the work and pensions secretary, that society pays a "heavy price" for separation, in terms of the cost of crimes committed by children from broken homes, lost taxes and rising benefit bills.

Growing numbers of couples are choosing to start a family without getting married first. But the study cited figures showing that unmarried couples were more likely to separate. It warned that the number of children who will see their parents split up by the time they are 16 had risen from 40% in the mid-1980s to 48% today.

While married couples accounted for over half of all births, divorces represented just one fifth of all breakdowns in parental relationships, with the remaining 80 per cent of separations coming from unmarried families. Divorcing parents also accounted for just 14% of the total bill for state benefits incurred by broken families, the report said, compared with 25% for cohabiting parents who separate. The majority of the state benefits bill for relationship breakdown - 62% - was attributed to single mothers.

The study drew on figures from the Office for National Statistics and the Millennium Cohort Study and took account of differing levels of education and income. It was written by Harry Benson, founder of the Bristol Community Family Trust, a relationship education charity. Mr Benson said ministers should focus on improving the stability of unmarried couples through education and policies that promote marriage.

"In a nutshell, strengthening couples who are unmarried new parents means two things: reasserting the importance of marriage and commitment, and providing top quality, evidence-based relationship education programmes that can access significant numbers of unmarried parents," he said. "Reasserting marriage may be contentious but it is vital. Making relationship education available is far less contentious, but needs to build on existing programmes that have demonstrated success."

In 1980 there were one million single parents, but this has now doubled, he said. "Something has gone badly wrong in the intervening years and no government has got to grips with the problem."

The report estimated that the total cost of family breakdown was £20-£24 billion per year in tax credits, housing and other benefits payments. Mr Duncan Smith, who founded the Centre for Social Justice before becoming a Cabinet minister, has suggested that the true cost of family breakdown to the UK economy, including benefits, lost taxes and crime, was far higher - up to £100 billion a year.

Gavin Poole, the executive director of the CSJ, said the report was "alarming". "It is well known that children from broken homes do less well at school and are more likely to turn to drugs, alcohol and crime," he said. "Tax breaks for marriage and far better relationship education, should be taken by ministers and society at large to reverse these worrying social trends."

·         Sexualised products for children facing age curb plan

Retailers selling sexualised products aimed at children could face new restrictions under plans being considered by the government reports the BBC.  An inquiry to explore whether rules should prevent the marketing of items such as "Porn star" T-shirts or padded bras to children has been set up.  A code of conduct on "age appropriate" marketing and a new watchdog are among plans being considered by the review.

Children's Minister Sarah Teather said parents faced a tidal wave of pressure. She said: "Parents often find themselves under a tidal wave of pressure, buffeted by immense pester power from their children for the latest product, craze or trend. I want this review to look at how we can equip parents to deal with the changing nature of marketing, advertising and other pressures that are aimed at their children."

She has asked the chief executive of Christian charity the Mothers' Union, Reg Bailey, to conduct the review, which will also look at the commercialisation of children.

Ms Teather told the BBC it was the cumulative impact of things like magazine images and unsuitable products marketed at young people that worried most people. She said: "We have heard from parents about the impact of going into shops and seeing things that are unsuitable. "If you are a mum and dad, trying to take your children Christmas shopping - it's a pretty hellish experience at the best of times - but when you are seeing all these images all the time it increases the pressure on families." She added: "By reviewing commercialisation and sexualisation of childhood we want to better understand not only how we can help parents resist these things, but also how we encourage all businesses to take their responsibilities as seriously as the best ones already do." She said it was difficult for parents to protect children because of the influence of music videos, displays in High Street shops and features in teen magazines and on websites.

Inquiry chief Mr Bailey is calling on parents to send him examples of products of concern. He will also work with businesses, retailers and advertising firms to ensure that any recommendations he makes are plausible. He said: "It's about the tone and the style of the way things are marketed to children. When you are so bombarded by marketing and sexualised imagery, it almost becomes wallpaper."

In May, Prime Minister David Cameron vowed to take action to protect children from "excessive commercialisation and premature sexualisation". He said he was shocked to discover beds with a "Lolita" branding were being marketed towards six-year-olds. Lolita is a novel, later adapted into an Oscar-nominated movie, in which a middle-aged man becomes sexually obsessed with a precocious 12-year-old girl.

The Family and Parenting Institute welcomed the inquiry and said parents were concerned that young children were experiencing "too much too young". Chief executive Katherine Rake said: "Mothers and fathers regularly tell us that they don't want to see childhood disappearing.  "Confronting this issue is vital if we are to move closer to a family friendly society. We look forward to seeing progress made."

·         Cameron outlines plan to rescue troubled families

The government is to launch a pilot scheme designed to help transform the lives of the most troubled families in up to 10 local authority areas, the Prime Minister David Cameron has announced reports CYPNow. The trials will be led by new "family champion" Emma Harrison, who is the chairman of welfare to work provider, A4E. They will be modelled on the Labour administration's family intervention projects and will provide up to 500 families with one-to-one support from a single named professional. These professionals will be charged with helping families overcome everything from drug and alcohol addiction and long-term unemployment to problems with their children's behaviour.

The six to 10 local authority pilot areas, which are yet to be announced, will receive extra cash to conduct the trials through the new early intervention grant. Cameron claimed that Harrison understands how to help families improve their lives "step-by-step, month-by-month". "She refuses to believe some people are lost causes and has a proven track record of turning lives around," he said. "Her approach is the complete opposite of the impersonal, one-size-fits-all approach that has failed so many families – which is why I have asked her to come on board to help us."