Coffin Corner

 

So last week we were getting ready to leave the house one evening. We were in a hurry, about to be late to our destination, and I’ll admit I was already a little stressed. I was short with the Husband while we were finishing up a few things in the kitchen {why does our conflict ALWAYS seem to start in the kitchen??}.

By the time we got in the car and made the first turn out of our street I’d quietly decided that I wanted to be sweet to him rather than fight so I reached over and touched his leg.

His response: “Are you upset with me about something?”

Me: “No. Are you upset with me about something?”

Him: “No. It just seemed like you were upset with me back there in the kitchen.

Me: “Well… {Pause. Thinking about what to say.} I guess the bottom line is that you weren’t doing things the way I wanted you to do them. And it just bugged me. That’s why I acted that way towards you.”

It seemed like a milestone to be able to say that. It took an additional few seconds to realize that what I’d just said was an admission that I was in the wrong. I asked his forgiveness for speaking to him that way and, as a result, we were able to move past it and enjoy our evening together.

In fact it ended up being a GREAT night filled with laughter, fun with friends and no hint of things having gone sour for a few minutes before we left the house. Amazing!

And that hasn’t always been the case. Sometimes conflict can ruin the rest of our evening. But not this time.

And, like I said, it felt like a huge milestone.

What’s the milestone, you ask. {I’m so glad you asked!}

The fact that I was able to see myself from the outside—see what maybe he saw and felt in our interaction—and diagnose what in the world was causing me to act that way and then promptly admit it {with a little help in the form of a question from him}. I was able to identify my disgruntedness about something minor as my sinful attempt to try to change him and make him more like me.

Sure, we both have preferences about the way things are done around the house. And we often talk about those preferences and gently ask or suggest that the other person might consider it “this way” but a short, snappy, unkind comment about what I considered to be his excess use of foil is not one of them.

On this Make-Up-Monday, what’s bugging you about how you handle conflict in your marriage? Are there certain topics that set you off? Does conflict ruin your night? Where do you feel like you need to take ground in how you relate to one another? 

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Post tags: Conflict, Forgiveness, Lessons Learned, Make-Up-Monday