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A FREE resource to help you grow your marriage! |
November 26, 2012 |
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 Greetings!
I want to personally welcome you to our brand new email ministry! You are receiving this email because you have received our DailyFocus in the past. Thank you for participating with us in the past, and I hope you will find this new format to be equally beneficial to keeping your marriage ever growing. Our new email format will come once a week, every Monday morning. Thus, we are calling it the Monday Morning Marriage Lift. We will continue to feature content from your favorite marriage authors like Dr. Gary Chapman. As well, we will be bringing you insights and exercises for your marriage that we hope will help you keep learning and growing.
Again, thank you for participating in receiving our weekly email. Our passion to help grow healthy marriages continues to be our goal. It is our privilege to join with you in the efforts to grow your own marriage and reach those in need around you.
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Before You Touch Her Body
Growing up, I hated school and studying. Well, I hated most studying. But I loved two local sports teams: the University of Maryland Terps - specifically, the basketball team - and my beloved Washington Redskins. Somehow I acquired an impressive body of knowledge about these teams, even as I continued to get lousy grades in school. While class work was mostly drudgery, learning about the Terps and Skins was effortless joy. I loved to watch them, think about them, read about them, talk about them, and listen to games on the radio. To absorb everything I possibly could about these guys - to study them - was rich food for my schoolboy's soul.
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Why was that kind of learning so easy for me when formal education was so hard? What made the difference?
Passion. No secret there. What we love, we want to learn about. And what we love to study, we come to love even more. That's just the way God has wired us.
My highest and greatest love will always be reserved for God. But after my love for God, nothing compares to the passion I hold for Carolyn, my wife.
Because I have this passion for her, I have studied her. It has been my privilege to be a student of Carolyn since before our engagement. As I have studied her-seeking to learn what pleases, excites, honors, encourages, refreshes, and helps her - my love for her has only increased.
There is a truth that should be emblazoned on the heart of every husband. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this:
In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body. this article continues here - read it all!
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5 Levels of Communication
Just as it is helpful to identify certain communication patterns, it is also helpful to understand that various levels of communication exist. All communication is not equal in value. Some levels of communication foster greater intimacy than others. We will certainly communicate on all five levels, but in a marriage relationship we desire to spend more and more time on the higher levels. Picture the five levels as five ascending steps that lead to a large platform where there will be free and open communication.
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Level 1: Hallway Talk - "Fine, how are you?" This level involves surface talk - the nice, polite things we say to one another throughout the day, the expected things. Such statements are not to thought of as totally useless; they are positive and they do acknowledge the other person's presence. However, some people never get beyond this first level of communication.
Level 2: Reporter Talk - "Just give me the facts." Conversation on level 2 involves only the facts: who, what, when and where. You tell each other what you have seen and heard, when and where it took place, but you share nothing of your opinions about the events. I am not suggesting that this level of communication is unimportant; the success of much of life is dependent upon this kind of communication.
Level 3: Intellectual Talk - "Do you know what I think?" Level 3 goes beyond the sharing of factual information. We are now sharing our opinions, interpretations, or judgements about the matter. We are letting another person in on how we are processing the factual information in our minds. Obviously the possibility of conflict or differences is much more likely on level 3 than on levels 1 or 2. A necessity for communication growth is giving each other the freedom to think differently. When one tries to force the other to agree with his opinions, then intimacy evaporates and argument or silence prevails.
Level 4: Emotional Talk - "Let me tell you how I feel." On level 4 we share our emotions and how we feel about things. "I feel hurt, disappointed, angry, happy, sad, excited, bored, unloved, romantic, or lonely." These are the kinds of feeling words we use on this level. For most people, sharing feelings is more difficult than sharing thoughts. Our feelings are more private. the distance between level 3 and level 4 may be a giant step. If I share my feelings and you don't like my feelings, you may be hurt or disappointed in me, or you may get angry with me. I may then have great difficulty coping with your rejection or anger; therefore, I may be reluctant to share my feelings again. We risk much more when we communicate on this level, but we also have the potential for entering a higher level of communication.
Level 5: Loving, Genuine Truth Talk - "Let's be honest." On this level, we are at the apex of communication. I like to picture this level as a platform upon which we can build a healthy marriage with a high degree of intimacy. It is where we are honest but not condemning, open but not demanding. It allows each of us freedom to think differently and feel differently.
Developing an awareness of these five levels of communication opens the potential for helping us enhance the quality of our communication.
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| This excerpt taken from Now You're Speaking My Language by Dr. Gary Chapman, published by Broadman & Holman Publishers. |
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Love Never Fails
by David H. Roper
Poet Archibald MacLeish says that "love, like light, grows dearer towards the dark." This is what he calls the "late, last wisdom of the afternoon." The same is true of our love for one another; it can indeed grow dearer as we age. I have seen it myself in two elderly friends.
Married for over 50 years, they are still very much in love. One is dying of pancreatic cancer; the other is dying of Parkinson's disease. Last week I saw Barbara lean over Claude's bed, kiss him, and whisper, "I love you." Claude replied, "You're beautiful." I thought of couples who have given up on their marriages, who are unwilling to endure through better or worse, sickness or health, poverty or wealth, and I am saddened for them. They will miss the kind of love my friends enjoy in their latter years.
I have watched Claude and Barbara over the years, and I know that deep faith in God, lifelong commitment, loyalty, and self-denying love are the dominant themes of their marriage. They have taught me that true love never gives up, it "never fails." Theirs is the "late, last wisdom of the afternoon," and it will continue to the end. May we express that same unfailing love to those who love us.
Lord, teach us the secret of loving,
The love You are asking today;
Then help us to love one another-
For this we most earnestly pray. -Anon.
Don't put off until tomorrow the loving words you can say today.
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Article originally found at Our Daily Bread, June 21, 2006 in an article called Love Never Fails by David H. Roper. Find them at www.odb.org |
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Hear from the Word of God
1 Corinthians 13:1-8
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres. Love never fails.
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As you're setting up
your Christmas tree this year, share some
of your favorite
family traditions with each other.
Can't think of a tradition?
Tell your spouse about your most memorable Christmas as a child.
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If your day today was a newspaper headline, what would it read? Why?
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Tips to Becoming a Great Listener
Listen...don't talk!
Give the other person a chance to get his or her own ideas and opinions across. Listen to understand, rather than spending the time preparing for your defense.
Put aside your own opinions, thoughts and conclusions until you've heard (and understood) what your partner is trying to say.
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