I remember saying, “I, Patty, take you, Marcus, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part.”
I didn’t know it then, but recently I learned that my wedding vows were missing something. I promised to love my husband, but didn’t mention anything about respect. When I heard that a man’s greatest need is respect, it was an “aha” moment.
Of course, respecting someone has a lot of the same rules as loving someone.
Committing to love someone means loving him no matter what. It means treating him with love whether I feel like it or not. It means treating him with love whether I think he deserves it or not.
The same holds true with respect. When I promise to respect someone, I should treat him with respect even if he’s not acting respectable. I should treat him with respect regardless of how I feel.
Easier said than done!
But both love and respect need to be unconditional and intentional. We need to make a choice to love and respect and do our best to follow through.
When we’re on the receiving end of unhoped-for behavior, we need to remember to look at the intent and offer grace when needed. Looking at their hearts, offering them the benefit of the doubt when appropriate, and keeping realistic expectations helps.
When a wife doesn’t feel loved, she still needs to respect her husband. And when a husband doesn’t feel respected, he still needs to love his wife. Otherwise, it’s a Catch 22 with a downward spiral. None of us wants that.
It’s easy to forget that how we treat others is more about us than it is about them. But isn’t that what we try to teach our children when we tell them not to blame someone else for their behavior?
This concept of love and respect is obvious when you look at healthy, long-lasting marriage relationships like my grandparents’ that persevered over 60 years.
Now that I know about my husband’s need for respect, I’m going to learn more about how to respect him and be more intentional about showing him respect. I want to follow in my grandparents’ footprints and enjoy a marriage that lasts a lifetime. How about you?
Hearts at Home is a Christ-centered organization designed to encourage, educate and equip moms. Hearts at Home, 1509 N. Clinton Blvd., Bloomington, IL 61701-1813; (309) 828-MOMS; www.hearts-at-home.org. Contact them at heartsnewspaper@hearts-at-home.org.
via pantagraph.com