Coffin Corner

- The Woman Who Saved Marriage
- THE SECOND ACT
- 50th Wedding Anniversary Tribute
- Save the Dates: NARME 2012 CONFERENCE: BALTIMORE, JULY 20-25
- Grant brings big money to college

-------------------------------------
Dear Ones,

I’ve been away for 2+ weeks and returned to over a thousand emails one of which (posted below) perked me up – though not so sure we can say we’ve “saved marriage.” We shall see....  
In any case, my thanks to Susan Heitler for such a nice tribute and also to all of you who forwarded it to me and added your own quite fulsome praise.  I am also encouraged by the dozens of emails from folks looking for Marriage Education classes.  People visit the Smart Marriages website and read about the wonders of marriage education, and then, naturally, want to take a Marriage Education class.  That’s a good thing though the fact that many still mention that their marriage counselor has suggested they separate makes me nuts.  I’m also dismayed when I can’t direct those who are inquiring to classes in their cities – sometimes not even in their states.  If you’re teaching a class, please list it on the Directory.  Or, if you’re teaching online or by phone, many couples are in locations where we have no coverage and would appreciate an at-a-distance marriage education opportunity. Here’s the at-a-distance section:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms#type_11
Get thee listed. And, maybe I should also say, get your program online. - diane

 ------------------------------------------------
- The Woman Who Saved Marriage
Diane Sollee launched marriage education and stopped the divorce epidemic.  
October 21, 2011 by Susan  Heitler, Ph.D
http://tinyurl.com/3efzlsc
------------------------------------------------
- THE SECOND ACT
I’m told that the website I included in the post about the Second Act Divorce Reforem proposal for state legislation,  has no info about it.  Find that info here: http://americanvalues.org/secondchances

Also, you can get an audio, video or transcript of the Bill Doherty/Leah Sears Second Act event at Brookings here:
http://www.brookings.edu/events/2011/1021_divorce.aspx

 _____________________________________________

- 50th Wedding Anniversary Tribute
Part of my trip involved attending the 50th anniversary of my daughter-in-law’s parents.  Here are her remarks at their vow-renewal celebration.  You can see that she used the Smart Marriages’ quotes page, which anyone can do:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/marriage.quotes.html.  But she’s done the work and did a great job (there wasn’t a dry eye in the house) so I’lll share it as it might make it easier for the rest of you (IF you get so lucky as to host a 50th celebration!)   - diane

Hi – I’m Margie, and my sisters, Georgia and Jaime, and I want to welcome you all and thank you for coming today.  We realize there are two very important football games going on right now; and we are happy you chose to spend the afternoon with us to celebrate our parents 50th wedding anniversary.
 
I’ll start by stealing a quote from my mother-in-law, Diane Sollee, sitting right over there: “Any fool can have a trophy wife, but it takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.”  I think my dad lucked out and got both – a trophy wife and a trophy marriage. 50 years – holy cow.  That’s really hard to imagine.
 
Most of you probably don’t know that not only have my parents been married 50 years, but they have been together since they were 13 and 15 years old.  My mother has never had another boyfriend besides my dad.  When my sisters and I were younger, that fact really grossed us out – and we still find it a little suspect.  I mean “Mom, really? – No other boyfriend?”  I look at my son and daughter who are almost 16 and my niece who is 14, and I cannot imagine them pairing up for life. It’s even difficult to imagine for my 20-year-old nephew.  But, I suppose things were different then; and when you find the love of your life you stick with that person.  I guess we should all be that lucky.
 
Way back 50 years ago, everyone got married. It’s what you did.  No questions asked.  Today, not so much.  So you might ask, why do we get married?  What’s the use?  Because, we need a witness to our lives.  There are a billion people on this planet.  What does any one life really mean?  But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things.  All of it.  All the time, every day.  You are saying, “Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.”
 
So how do you make it to 50 years? Well in our household the answer to that question was hunting and fishing.  Every weekend while we were growing up, our dad would leave on Saturday morning for a hunting or fishing trip.  The four girls would get up and watch Style with Elsa Klensch on CNN.  Then we would clean house, take showers and go shopping for the day – a little female bonding. On Sunday afternoon, dad would return, and the family would be whole again.  So, my tip to all you newly-marrieds is – find something you enjoy doing apart.  Do that thing, then come back together.  It certainly worked for my parents.

We often hear people say, “Is there anything more beautiful than a young couple clasping hands, in love on the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?”  And the answer is, "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path.  Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant.  Their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. That thing is old love."
 
Let’s welcome my parents.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Save the Dates: NARME 2012 CONFERENCE: BALTIMORE, JULY 20-25
For details, http://www.narme.org/portal2/
See NARME Links and Clips updated daily at http://scoop.it/t/narme

---------------------------------------
- Grant brings big money to college
Anna Claire Conrad
The Auburn Plainsman
Oct 20, 2011

(Thought you might find it interesting to read about one of the Marriage Grant recipients in some detail and cheer them on for their progress.  Bravo to this team. - diane)
  
Auburn’s College of Human Sciences has been endowed with a three-year, $7.5 million grant to continue the promotion of the Alabama Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education Initiative.

“Since 2006, we had a five-year, $9.2 million grant,” said Roberta Jackel, project manager for the AHMREI. “When this grant transpired, we applied for and was appropriated this new, three-year federal grant through the Department of Health and Human Services.”

Jackel said this grant will be used to fund healthy relationship and marriage education programs throughout Alabama.

“We will host a series of classes that will be taught here in Lee County,” Jackel said. “Previously, through our last grant, these classes were only taught by 10 partners scattered around the state.”

Francesca Adler-Baeder, professor of human development and family studies and project director of the AHMREI, said these classes will be free because of the grant.

Adler-Baeder also emphasized these programs are an educational outreach resource at the community’s disposal to better their marriages and relationships, and they are in no way counseling sessions or interventions.

“We believe that healthy relationship skills can be taught and that people can learn better communication, conflict resolution and parenting skills through these educational workshops,” Jackel said.

Rachel Parham, recent Auburn graduate in human development and family studies, said the people who attend these classes thoroughly enjoy the program, and, based on past progress, Lee County will greatly benefit from this initiative.

“For these next three years we will be providing on-campus educational programs on maintaining healthy relationships,” Adler-Baeder said. “These classes will be made available through the continuing education program and, perhaps, on different locations throughout the University.”

Jackel said Alabama has historically had a high divorce rate.

Adler-Baeder said when this organization first began its educational initiative in 2006, Alabama was ranked as the state with the fifth-highest divorce rate.

“Since then, Alabama has dropped five places and is now ranked as the state with the 10th highest divorce rate,” Adler-Baider said. “It’s these results and the individual results we witness firsthand with our participants that motivates us to continue this initiative.”

Parham said conflict within a marriage affects the entire family dynamic.

“The children of the couples who attend these classes end up being happier and more well-behaved  because they see that the example their parents are setting for them,” Parham said.

Adler-Baeder said she looks forward to the Auburn community getting involved.

“We’ve seen through past programs with different junior high and high schools around the area that the peers-teaching-peers method has helped our clients immensely and that teens tend to learn better from a demographic they can relate to,” Parham said.  

-------------------------------------------------------
- FOR INFORMATION about how to post to the Smart Marriages® newslist;
subscribe or UNSUBSCRIBE, or an archive of all past posts:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/newslist.info.html