When Work Disappears: Manufacturing Decline and the Falling Marriage-Market Value of Men
David Autor, David Dorn, Gordon Hanson
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Ethics & Religion
A Column by Mike McManus
February 16, 2017
Column #1,851
National Marriage Week
By Mike McManus
It is National Marriage Week, a good time to assess the health of marriage in America. “The institution of marriage represents the very foundation of human social order,” writes Dr. James Dobson. “Everything of value sits on that base. Institutions, government, religious fervor and the welfare of children are all dependent on its stability.”
When Gallup asked couples to grade their marriages, 68% gave it an A and 23%, a B. Only 6% gave it a C and 1% each, a D or F. By contrast, 64% of cohabiting couples who were preparing for marriage, ranked their relationship in the “low satisfaction group.”
Nor do unhappy marriages stay that way: 86% of bad marriages become good ones!
However, divorced men are twice as likely as married men to die from the four big killers: heart disease, stroke, hypertension and cancer. My wife and I report in our book, Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers, “Auto accidents and suicide death rates for the divorced are almost four times higher; cirrhosis of the liver and pneumonia death rates are seven times higher; the rate of death from murder is eight times greater.”
Not surprisingly, therefore, being unmarried chops nearly ten years off a man’s life. Married women will live four years longer, and their children, five years longer.
“Loneliness is a lethal force with the power to break the human heart,” writes James J. Lynch in A Cry Unheard. A married couple cares for each other. For example, a wife watches their diet and objects if her husband pours a second drink. But when one of them dies, the will to live is extinguished for many.
Married couples are far wealthier. Those who never marry experience a 75% reduction in wealth. Married men earn 10% to 40% more than single men with similar education and job history. Why? Married men have a greater work commitment, lower quit rates, healthier and more stable routines.
According to The Case For Marriage by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, “On the verge of retirement, the typical married couple had accumulated about $410,000 compared to $167,000 for the never-married, $154,000 for the divorced, and under $96,000 for the separated.”
We write, “Marrying offers balance. Spouses are invested in each other and in the well-being of their joint future. He proposes to buy a new car; she says, `That’s a waste of our money. Let’s remodel the screen porch and turn it into a sunroom.’ Result: the investment increases the value of their home. The single guy buys the car or vacations in Cancun and by retirement can claim fewer assets.”
Married people also have more and better sex than singles. TV shows like Sex and the City give the impression the happiest people are those who jump in bed with someone new every Friday night. But the National Sex Survey reports 43% of married men had sex at least twice a week – compared to only 26% of single men.
Married people also enjoy their sex more, both physically and emotionally than their unmarried counterparts. Married women are almost twice as likely as divorced and never-married women to have a sex life that (a) exists and (b) is extremely emotionally satisfying.
What about cohabiters? While cohabiting couples have at least as much sex as the married, they don’t seem to enjoy it quite as much. For men, having a wife beats shacking up by a wide margin: 48% of husbands say sex with their wife is extremely satisfying emotionally compared to just 37% of cohabiting men.
Therefore, I have a tough question. Why were there more marriages in 1970 (2,159,000) than in 2015 (2,077,000)? The population grew from 203 million to 319 million. If the same percentage of couples were marrying now, there would be 1.3 million more marriages per year!
First, I blame America’s churches for not making a better case for marriage. Four in ten people attend church weekly – giving clergy huge access. Yet, in my 70+ years of attending church, I can remember only one sermon, a recent one - that held up Christian marriage.
Second, two-thirds of young couples think they should test the relationship by living together. There were 8.3 million couples cohabiting in 2015, but only 1.3 million of them married. The rest mostly break up over time. And women who cohabit are 33% more likely to divorce than those who remained apart till marriage.
Churches should insist that cohabiting couples move apart for months before the wedding – to increase their odds of success.
Sadly, few do so.
Copyright © 2017 Michael J. McManus, President of Marriage Savers and a syndicated columnist. To see past columns, go to www.ethicsandreligion.com. Hit Search for any topic.
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Mike McManus is President of Marriage Savers
and a syndicated columnist, writing Ethics & Religion weekly
9311 Harrington Dr.
Potomac, MD 20854
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This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by Ave Maria Press |
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Special Workshops on
Relationship Enhancement®
and Filial
Methods
The 2017 Relationship Enhancement®
and Filial Therapy Conference
March 31 - April 1, 2017 in Bethesda, MD
Sponsored by
National
Institute of Relationship Enhancement® (NIRE)
CE Workshops
For the 2017 Relationship
Enhancement® and Filial Therapy Conference, NIRE and
AFREM are co-sponsoring two workshops on Friday March 31 and
two workshops on Saturday April 1.
Friday will include two RE Therapy related workshops:
"Using the Relationship Enhancement model to mediate
conflicts between traditional gender roles and contemporary
societal values of equality in heterosexual, same-sex,
immigrant, and intercultural relationships" and "A
Salad of Integrity: Resolving Ethical Questions When Working
from an Educational Model in a Medical Model
Profession."
Saturday will include two play related workshops:
"Filial Therapy in Non-group Settings: Navigating the
Unique Challenges" and "When Change is Slow:
Addressing Parent Concerns
During the Child-Centered Play/Filial Therapy
Process."
Each workshop qualifies for 3 CE credits.
Organized Friday Night Dutch Treat Dinner
This year’s traditional “Dutch Treat” dinner will be held on Friday night March 31. This well attended event always proves to be a fun time to connect and relax with friends and colleagues around the dinner table. Please join us if you can! Details below. And please RSVP so we can properly plan with the restaurant.
Registration
Registration information may be found below.
AFREM Special Workshops Registration Form
Friday Workshops
Presenter: Goli
Bellinger, M.S.W., LICSW, LCSW-C
Friday, March 31, 9:00
a.m. - 12:15 p.m. 3 CE credits
We value equality in
this nation, and for our world. This value underpins the
Relationship Enhancement (RE) model which includes mutual
understanding and respect. Yet when couples share a
household, the contemporary emphasis on the value of
equality may lead to conflicts in the relationship, whether
conscious or subconscious. This workshop will focus on
complex ways the concepts of traditional gender roles and
modern gender values lead to discourse in couples. Ideas of
gender equality will be explored and contrasted with
traditional values of the equitable division of labor. Case
studies will illustrate various ways conflicts arise across
diverse populations and sexual identity, as uncovered by
deepening dialogue and empathy through the structured RE
dialogue process. Finally, this session will present how to
guide conflict management and problem solving by combining
the values of equality and equity to help couples balance
household and family responsibilities.
Learning Objectives:
Participants completing this workshop will be able
to:
1.
Identify cultural theories of the values of equality and
equity.
2.
Differentiate individual needs from cultural expectations
and perceptions within various couple populations,
including immigrant, intercultural, and same-sex
couples.
3.
Utilize deepening dialogues to reach the core concerns and
unique needs of each individual, regardless of expectations
driven by gender roles or societal values.
4.
Guide and help couples discover and identify what works best
for their life and goals.
Goli Amin Bellinger,
M.S.W., is a couples therapist in Washington DC. Together
with Mary Ortwein, she created the program Relationship
Enhancement® for Refugees and Immigrants at the U.S.
Committee for Refugees and Immigrants. She also consults on
mental health and family trauma with immigrant and
asylum-seeking populations, including as adjunct faculty at
University of Maryland School of School Work.
A Salad of Integrity: Resolving
Ethical Questions When Working from an Educational Model in
a Medical Model Profession
Presenter: Mary
Ortwein, M.S., LMFT
Friday, March 31, 2:00
– 5:15 p.m. 3 CE Credits
When Bernard Guerney
wrote Psychotherapeutic Agents: New Roles for
Nonprofessionals, Teachers, and Parents in 1969, he became a
leader that moved psychology away from the Medical Model of
Sigmund Freud toward the Educational Model anticipated by
the work of Carl Rogers and the behaviorists. While elements
of the Educational Model have remained strong in mental
health, the acceptance of medical insurance billing by
clinicians, beginning in the 1980s, now makes the assignment
of a Medical Model DSM diagnosis the initial standard
operating procedure for mental health treatment.
What issues does this
raise for those who work from an Educational Model—or
who integrate elements of the Educational Model with
elements of the Medical Model, or even a Spiritual Model?
How can these issues be resolved in ways that preserve both
ethical and theoretical integrity? This workshop will
explore these questions.
After an initial
review of Bernard Guerney’s Educational Model, the
model will be examined in light of contemporary clinical
practice. Four potential slippery slopes for ethical or
theoretical compromise will be examined: the presence of
severe mental health symptoms when using the RE model with
couples; medical insurance billing; best practices which
include doing Educational Model interventions from a Medical
Model theory; and working as part of collaborative medical
model treatment teams. Criteria for maintaining ethical
practice and theoretical integrity will be proposed,
discussed, and applied for each of these situations as part
of the workshop. The workshop will include both lecture and
participant discussion.
Learning Objectives:
Participants completing this workshop will be able
to:
1.
Identify client situations where ethical guidelines or the
Educational Model may be compromised in contemporary mental
health practice
2.
Identify criteria for evaluating situations that might lead
to ethical or theoretical compromises
3.
Apply the criteria to specific scenarios to preserve both
ethical and theoretical integrity
Mary Ortwein, M.S.,
LMFT, has provided Educational Model therapy and supervision
for more than 25 years in a variety of settings, including
training and supervision of more than 60 beginning
therapists. Mary currently is director of IDEALS for
Families and Communities in Frankfort, Kentucky. Co-author
with Bernard Guerney of numerous Relationship
Enhancement® materials, she is also author of Mastering
the Magic of Play: A Handbook for Parents, which was first
developed from her work teaching Filial Therapy to parents
who often had multiple mental health diagnoses.
Dinner, Friday Night,
Filial Play Therapy in Non-group Settings: Navigating the Unique Challenges
Presenter: Sharon
Bryant, LMFT, RPT
Discussants: Louise
Guerney, Ph.D., Julie Dodson, M.A., Nicole Bryan,
M.S.
Saturday, April 1,
9:00 a.m. - 12:15 p.m. 3 CE credits
Filial Play Therapy is
a tried and true model for creating systematic change for
the entire family. Research has shown that Filial Therapy
not only provides children with a variety of therapeutic
benefits, but it also strengthens the parent-child bond and
attachment. Traditionally, Filial Therapy has been promoted
for group settings, but it can also be effective on an
individual basis. However, the use of Filial Therapy with
individual clients can pose unique challenges. Clinicians
are often faced with many methodological decisions: Do I
start this family with Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) or
with Filial Therapy. How will I know when to transition from
CCPT to Filial Therapy? Do I involve the whole family or
just one parent and child dyad? Do I have them start
sessions in the office or begin with videotaped sessions at
home? Although there are no black and white answers to these
questions, we will talk about some factors that can help one
make these decisions. Once clinicians determine the best
methodology, another unique challenge arises: the need to
compensate for the lack of group support. We’ll talk
about various, creative techniques that can help clinicians
navigate this challenge and foster a learning process. With
the use of real cases, participants will have the
opportunity to practice making decisions and providing
encouragement to parents learning Filial
Therapy.
Participants
completing this workshop will be able to:
1. Address the unique
challenges involved when using Filial Play Therapy with
individuals
2. Identify factors
pertinent to methodological decisions regarding use of
Filial Play Therapy with individual families
3. Gain fresh ideas
for how to compensate for lack of group support
Sharon Bryant, LMFT,
RPT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and
received her masters in Marriage and Family Counseling from
Asbury Theological Seminary. She is certified in
Child-Centered Play Therapy and Filial Therapy and also is a
Registered Play Therapist. She enjoys providing
services to children, adolescents, families, individuals,
and couples and currently works in a group private practice
called Spring Tree Counseling in the Chicago area.
Louise Guerney, Ph.D.,
is co-creator with Bernard Guerney, Ph.D. of Filial Family
Therapy. She also is author of Parenting: A Skills Training
Manual (published by IDEALS/NIRE), a nationally recognized
and widely used parenting program and, together with
Virginia Ryan, of Group Filial Therapy (Jessica Kingsley,
2013).
Julie Dodson, M.A.,
LMFT, is a counselor at Avenues for Women, where she serves
women and couples, providing counseling for pregnancy
options, relationships, resiliency, and trauma resolution.
Julie is certified in both Child-Centered Play Therapy and
Filial Therapy. She earned a Masters in Mental Health
Counseling from Asbury Theological Seminary in
2012.
Nicole Bryan, M.S., is
a licensed clinical professional counselor. She is in
private practice in Chevy Chase, MD and a part of Weaver and
Associates in McLean, VA. She specializes in treating
children, adolescents and families, and has been trained in
CCPT and Filial Therapy.
When Change is Slow: Addressing Parent
Concerns During the Child-Centered Play/Filial Therapy
Process
Presenter: Ian
Masson, M.S.
Saturday, April 1,
2:00 – 5:15 p.m. 3 CE Credits
The process of therapy
can be complex, involved, and sometimes longer than
anticipated. When this occurs during play or filial
therapies it can lead to frustration or anxiety on the part
of the parent. The ability of the counselor to maintain the
therapeutic relationship with the parent(s) and address
their concerns becomes critical during these times.
Therapists must be able to respond in a non-defensive
manner with empathy and at the same time clearly explain the
play therapy process. Furthermore, the ability of the
therapist to identify needs of the family or parent(s) and
make appropriate recommendations becomes critical in order
to address the parents’ concern regarding perceived
“lack of progress” with the process. A therapist
can further continued progress by making additional
recommendations such as parenting skills training or
transitioning from Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) to
Filial Therapy. The ability to respond empathically while
also providing a sense of hope for the future based on
relevant explanations and/or recommendations becomes
essential.
Participants
completing this workshop will be able
to:
1. Identify common
concerns of parents at various phases during the CCPT or
Filial play process
2. Apply the skill of
empathic responding to ensure continued development of the
therapeutic alliance
3. Provide
explanations of the rationale and procedures of CCPT or
Filial Therapy in response to parent concerns
4. Make appropriate
recommendations based on concerns parents share during the
process
Ian Masson, M.S., is a
resident in counseling at Chrysalis Counseling Centers in
Culpeper, VA. Ian received his certification in
Child-Centered Play Therapy through NIRE and primarily works
with children. Ian also oversees the Intensive Therapeutic
Parenting Program at Chrysalis, a service that seeks to
develop child-centered parenting skills through use of Dr.
Louise Guerney's Parenting: A Skills Training
Manual.
Registration Information
Location: The RE and Filial Therapy Conference annual meeting and workshops will be held at the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement® (NIRE) conference suite on the Roof level of the Topaz House at 4400 East-West Highway, Bethesda, MD. The Topaz House is located six miles from the White House and Georgetown. NIRE is less than three blocks from the Bethesda metro stop.
Parking: Parking on Friday may be available at the Topaz House’s underground garage on a first come first served basis. There is a public parking lot at East-West Highway and Waverly Street, a block and a half from the Topaz House. Be certain to bring plenty of quarters for the public parking lot. The cost is $.75 per hour in long term parking; plan on 9 hours, i.e., $6.75. [To be safe, bring a roll of quarters, as parking rates may have gone up.] Parking is free on Saturday. On Saturday parking should be easier at Topaz House, and is free at the public parking lot.
Schedule: Each workshop will be 3 hours long. There will be one 15 minute break during each workshop.
Refreshments: Starting at 8:40 a.m., and available all day, each day, there will be a sidebar with fruit, coffee and tea, soda, and snacks.
CE Credits: IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. IDEALS/NIRE maintains responsibility for each program and its content. NIRE has been approved by NBCC as an Approved Continuing Education Provider, ACEP No. 5560. Programs that do not qualify for NBCC credit are clearly identified. NIRE is solely responsible for all aspects of the programs. IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the Maryland State Board of Social Workers to offer Category 1 continuing education programs for social workers. NIRE also is approved by the Association for Play Therapy to offer continuing education specific to play therapy. APT Approved Provider 95-009. IDEALS/NIRE maintains responsibility for the program.
Each workshop will earn attendees 3 CE credits.
A Certificate will be issued to you attesting to your completion of each workshop attended and documenting the CE credits you have earned.
Cost: The fee for each 3-hour workshop is $60. The fee for currently enrolled, full-time graduate students is $10.00 for each workshop, or $30 for all four workshops.
Lunch: Lunch each day is the responsibility of each participant, though arrangements will be made to provide lunch on Saturday for those who wish. The cost will be $10.00 per person. Please see the registration form below for details.
Optional Friday Night Dinner (Dutch Treat): Many participants at past RE and Filial Therapy Conference annual meeting workshops have enjoyed each others company over dinner at a restaurant in Bethesda. We will do the same this year, on Friday,
Travel: For those coming by air: NIRE is 15 miles from Washington National, 22 miles from Baltimore-Washington, and 18 miles from Dulles Airports. For those coming by car: NIRE is two miles south of the Connecticut Avenue exit or the Wisconsin Avenue exit of the Beltway (I-495).
Municipal parking is very close and is free on Saturday (at Waverly and East-West Highway). Be certain to bring plenty of quarters to feed the meter for parking on Friday. The cost is $.75 per hour in long term parking; plan on 9 hours, i.e., $6.75. (To be safe, bring a roll of quarters!) Parking is free on Saturday. All registrants will be sent a map detailing how to reach NIRE.
Accommodations: Discounted hotel rooms are available at the Bethesda Court Hotel. To secure the discounted rate, please call 1-800-874-0050 and ask for the “NIRE” rate, which for 2016 is $129 per night Thursday through Sunday, plus a $15.00 per night fee for parking. This discounted rate is available until the hotel reaches a certain point of capacity for the respective dates, so you are advised to make reservations as early as possible. Information about alternative accommodations can be provided when you register.
For Further Information about arrangements, call the NIRE Administrative Office at 301-680-8977.
Registration: To register, please
(1) call NIRE at 301-680-8977
(2) send your Registration Form by fax to 1-502-226-7088
or (3) mail your Registration Form and check to: NIRE, 4400 East-West Highway #24, Bethesda, MD 20814-4501.
Caution: Do not send credit card information via email.
Registration Form
AFREM Special Workshops Registration Form
We look forward to seeing you there!
Rob Scuka, Ph.D.
Executive Director
National Institute of Relationship
Enhancement®
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