Event Reminder: Forum - Doing More with Less: Leveraging Community Capital

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Center on Nonprofits and Philanthropy <CNPnewsletter@ui.urban.org>
Date: Mon, Oct 31, 2011 at 4:13 PM
Subject: Event Reminder: Forum - Doing More with Less: Leveraging Community Capital
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

Center on Nonprofits and Philanthropy

October 2011

Event Reminder

Doing More with Less:
Leveraging Community Capital

Wednesday, November 2, 2011
12:30 to 2:00 p.m. (EST)

The Urban Institute
2100 M St NW, 5th Floor
Katharine Graham Conference Facility
Washington, D.C. 20037

Panelists will discuss the Urban Institute's Community Platform and other on-the-ground approaches to strengthening the capacity of communities and nonprofit organizations to tackle challenges in education, public health, economic development, aging, and other issues.

  • Elizabeth T. Boris, director, Center on Nonprofits and Philanthropy at The Urban Institute (moderator)
  • David G. Garvey, director, University of Connecticut Nonprofit Leadership Program at the Center for Continuing Studies at the University of Connecticut
  • Linetta J. Gilbert, co-leader, The Declaration Initiative (former senior program officer, Ford Foundation)
  • Sandi Scannelli, president and chief executive officer, Community Foundation for Brevard
  • Thomas H. Pollak, program director, National Center for Charitable Statistics, Center on Nonprofits and Philanthropy at The Urban Institute

To attend this event in Washington, D.C., go to
(Registration required.)

To watch the live video webcast or a recording, go to
(No registration necessary.)

Lunch will be served at Noon. The discussion will begin promptly at 12:30 p.m.

NCCS Community Platform

The NCCS Community Platform combines data on nonprofit organizations from The Urban Institute's National Center for Charitable Statistics and the Metropolitan & Housing Policy Center with interactive online tools to provide communities with resources and knowledge for building civic capacity for problem solving. The Platform supports local collaboration and civic leadership across a wide range of issues from education, human service delivery, and public health to community development and the environment. We are working with local partners in nine states and communities. Platforms are customized for local partners and combines tools, mapping programs and community assets for analyzing finances, sharing knowledge, services, tracking program outcomes and other resources, and more.

New sites will be launched in D.C., Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Seattle, New Mexico, Louisiana and Massachusetts soon!

Download the NCCS Community Platform brochure.

# # #

Please forward this message to friends or colleagues who may find it of interest. For more about these items, please visit The Center's web site. Feel free to e-mail questions to Center staff members.

The Urban Institute is a nonprofit, nonpartisan policy research and educational organization that examines the social, economic, and governance challenges facing the nation. It provides information, analyses, and perspectives to public and private decision makers to help them address these problems and strives to deepen citizens' understanding of the issues and trade-offs that policymakers face.

News and Notes from National Center for Family & Marriage Research

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <ncfmr@bgsu.edu>
Date: Mon, Oct 31, 2011 at 2:25 PM
Subject: News and Notes
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

Having trouble viewing this email? Click here


News and Notes

October 2011

Twitter LogoFacebook Logo 



The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to News and Notes, our monthly electronic newsletter. News and Notes aims to keep you informed about the activities of the NCFMR. We will also announce funding and research opportunities, provide registration details for conferences and workshops, and keep you updated on current research findings.

What's New at the NCFMR...


The following updates may be viewed on the NCFMR website.



Dr. Susan BrownCo-Director Susan Brown Discusses Intimate Relationships of Aging Baby Boomers 

Partnering in Later Life: New Frontiers in Family Research 


Susan Brown, NCFMR Co-Director, addressed recent trends and patterns in intimate relationships as part of BGSU's College of Arts and Sciences Distinguished Faculty Lecture Series. She also addressed partnership dynamics and their consequences for individual well-being. NCFMR faculty, students, and BGSU/NCFMR research affiliates attended Brown's lecture on the BGSU campus in October. 


Dr. Brown's research on the aging Baby Boomer population has recently been featured in The Fiscal Times, AARP, and FoxBusiness.


Dividing Line 


Just Released Data Resources


Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing the latest statistics on U.S. families.


The Data Source

Documents describing newly released data sets used by the family research community.


Working Paper Series

A collection of working papers written by faculty affiliates, researchers, and advanced graduate students.  

  • Kei Nomaguchi and Melissa A. Milkie
  • Heather J. Bachman and Rebekah Levine Coley published in Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology (2011) 39:1149-1161 DOI 10.1007/s10802- 011-9535-1 

If you have written a paper addressing a family issue that aligns with our mission statement and would like for us to consider adding it to the NCFMR Working Paper Series, we welcome submissions for consideration and possible inclusion. You may electronically submit your working papers to ncfmr@bgsu.edu


  Dividing Line


NCFMR in the News


NCFMR BGSU Research Affiliate Peggy Giordano Discusses Influence of Romantic Partner's Friends 



Susan Brown Comments on Factors Influencing Long-Term Marriages

Toledo Blade


NCFMR Finds Two-Fold Increase in Divorce Rate for Baby Boomers 



Research Team of Larry Gibbs and Krista Payne Find Link Between Rate of First Divorce and Educational Attainment   


Larry Gibbs, graduate research assistant, and Krista Payne, social science data analyst, working on a collaborative research project, discovered a direct link between the rate of first divorce and a woman's educational attainment.  


Although the last four decades have seen an increase in the proportion of Americans who are currently divorced, the actual rate of divorce among currently married individuals has declined. Peaking in the late 1970s at about 23 divorces per 1,000 married (Stevenson & Wolfers, 2007), recent estimates by Gibbs and Payne indicate the first divorce rate was 17.5 per 1,000 women in first marriages ages 18 years and older in 2010.  


Additionally, there is substantial variation in the first divorce rates by educational attainment. More specifically, according to Payne, the association between educational attainment and divorce is curvilinear; those women on the two ends of the educational attainment spectrum have the lowest first divorce rates at 14.4 per 1,000 among those with less than a high school education and 14.2 per 1,000 among those with a college degree. The rate of first divorce is highest for those with only some college (23 per 1,000), adds Gibbs.


First Divorce Rates per 1,000 Women in First Marriages Aged 18 and Older by Educational Attainment, 2010


First Divorce Rate Graph  

Source: American Community Survey, 2010  

Susan Brown to Gather Scholars from NCFMR 2009 Marital and Family Instability Conference During National Council on Family Relations 73rd Annual Meeting  

Family Instability and Child Well-being


The session brings together participants from the NCFMR 2009 Family Instability conference at BGSU, eager to continue the dialogue in this NCFR symposium. Each paper presented by this team of scholars showcases different data to address how family instability is related to children's well-being in multiple contexts, including disadvantaged and international populations.


Presented by... 

Susan Brown

Patricia Pendry

F.M. Henderson

J. Angles

E. Conlin

Heather Bachman

Rebekah Levine Coley

Jennifer Carrano

Paula Fomby

Shannon Cavanagh

Lauren Rinelli McClain


Session: #137

Date: Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Time: 5:00 p.m. - 6:15 p.m.

Location: Salon 14

2010 Child Trends Report Finds One in Four U.S. Children Lived in Food-Insecure Household
Food insecurity reports and briefs available from four organizations

Upcoming Events



November 2011  

The Foundation for Child Development: Changing Faces of America's Children

Young Scholars Program (YSP) 

Date Due: November 2

Apply to YSP 


Call for Proposals -- The Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation (OPRE) 

Welfare Research and Evaluation Conference

Date Due: November 7

Click to Submit an Individual Proposal 

Click to Submit a Full Conference Session 

Link to OPRE 


73rd NCFR Annual Conference

Families and the Shifting Economy

Date: November 16-19

Link to NCFR Website 



December 2011

Fellowships in Public Policy Available for 2012-2013 -- Society for Research in Child Development (SRCD) 

Date Due: December 15

Link to SRCD 


From Shoestring to Success: Growing Healthy Marriage Coalitions

From Shoestring to Success: Growing Healthy Marriage Coalitions
serendipitously connected with the Healthy Marriage Initiative. The outgrowth of ... umbrella organization the Indiana Community Healthy Marriage and Family ...


Join NARME at http://narme.org 
and see Links & Clips, updated daily, at http://scoop.it/t/narme
(send your input for Links and Clips to me at bill@narme.org ) 

News from Coalition for Divorce Reform













---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Coalition for Divorce Reform <chrisgersten@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 12:45 PM
Subject: News from Coalition for Divorce Reform
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

Having trouble viewing this email? Click here
October 28, 2011

CDR Logo
40 Million Children Victims of Divorce


Dear Bill,

Does the decline in marriage mean that our society is in decline?  How can a person overcome infidelity?  When marriage problems become the new normal in your marriage, what can you do?

Find the answers and useful tips for your marriage or to help you help others in troubled marriages in these latest blogs at www.divorcereform.info.

Help the Coalition for Divorce Reform by:
  • Sharing one or more of these blogs with others on your facebook site.
  • Email one of these blogs to your email lists.
  • Like us on your Facebook site.
The Coalition for Divorce Reform is an entirely volunteer-based organization created to help reduce unnecessary divorce among married couples with children.  We can only grow through social networking of supporters of marriage like you.

Ten Truths About Infidelity


By: Michele Weiner-Davis


It's understandable that you may think you will leave if your spouse strays, but when confronted with the reality of divorce and dissolving your marriage; you begin to realize that stakes are very high.  It's not that overcoming the devastation of betrayal is easy, it isn't.  But it can be done.  In fact, believe it or not, most people decide to remain in their marriage after infidelity...Read more


Does Marriage Decline Mean Society's Demise?


By: Krsnanandini Devi Dasi & Tariq Saleem Ziyad

hen a marriage fails, particularly when children are involved, and wen marriage fails to take place (when people cohabit or participate in "hook-ups" that result in pregnancy), society pays and pays and pays -- through taxes to fund more social services, higher rates of juvenile delinquency, increased crime, etc., etc., 
So, can we save marriage? Yes we can.  First, let's review some sound evidence that we need to make the effort...
Read more


Troubled Couple
More From Coalition For Divorce Reform


What Can You Do with a Busted Marriage?


By: Abigail Hirsch, Ph.D


You just found another text message from him to another woman.  Or maybe she did it again, spent far too much on things that are definitely not in the budget.  Perhaps it simply feels like it's been forever since there's been any romance and "I love you" feels like a phrase from some foreign language... Read more   

A Look at Legislation and Policy to Strengthen Marriages and Prevent Unnecessary Divorces   

This past summer a team of research assistants here at Brigham Young University helped me collect information about government efforts to help couples form and sustain healthy marriages and relationships. We collected information on legislation and government-supported educational initiatives in all 50 states (and Washington D.C.), including funding and numbers of people participating in funded...Read more




Join Our Mailing List
Chris Gersten
Coalition for Divorce Reform
(720) 583-6677
This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by chrisgersten@gmail.com |  
Coalition for Divorce Reform | Chris Gersten | Boulder | CO | 80301

Pastor Leo died in a car accident today in Uganda

I got this email this morning and late this afternoon I got a message about his death. I was with him last month at the IMEC in Phoenix. I'll miss him!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Leo & Molly Godzich <drleoandmollygodzich@nameonline.net>
Date: Wed, Oct 26, 2011 at 11:40 PM
Subject: Update: M3 Mission:Marriage Multiplication from IMC 16
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

Having trouble viewing this email? Click here
Hi, just a reminder that you're receiving this email because you have expressed an interest in National Association of Marriage Enhancement. Don't forget to add info@nameonline.net to your address book so we'll be sure to land in your inbox!
You may unsubscribe if you no longer wish to receive our emails.
NAME Thanks You For Your Support! Here's what's happening... 
M3 graphic
Click graphic above to see M3 video



We are

well on the way

to a



Thank You!


We hope this M3 update finds you well.


Several of you have asked for a report about the offerings received during the 16th International Marriage Conference toward the M3: Mission Marriage Multiplication campaign. Presently, between gifts received and that which has been pledged to be received by December 1, NAME has received just over $200,000 towards the goal of $819,000 due in December. Praise the Lord!


We still have a long, miraculous way to go and we believe God is moving. Several churches are receiving offerings toward NAME, even without any one from NAME being in those services. This is a sovereign move of God, for God to put it on pastors' hearts that way. This prompted us to send out a package to other pastors where we've conducted marriage events to humbly ask them whether they would consider doing so as well. (Call us if you want our office to send a package to your pastor, too. 602-404-2600.) We are likewise encouraged by some of the other efforts we are making in approaching major donors and in a broad-based appeal to our entire list. Still, it will take a miracle but NAME has not only believed in miracles but depended on them.


We want to thank you for your part and your sacrifice for the cause of marriage during the International Marriage Conference. We are also encouraged by the grassroots movement that has sprung up through some of you; some folks went back from the conference and approached businessmen and others they know to give toward this marriage ministry strengthening campaign. You can help us see the miracle come to pass by helping us make this appeal go viral: the website www.nameonline.net/m3 now has an updated video with the appeal and the description of the campaign. Please forward this web address to everyone you know, post it on your Facebook pages for people to examine, send it via twitter, put it in an e-mail blast and do whatever else you can to help connect people with the vision of moving this ministry forward in this time of need. Who knows? You could be the one that would somehow connect someone who could do something great at this time, or you just might inform your friends and contacts who may be considering year-end charitable contributions, and God could use you that way.Gray

If we all do our best, God will do the rest.


Our time is VERY short, and as we are writing this to you we are launching out on an aggressive month of spreading the marriage message, and an intense travel schedule (over 30,000 miles and 23 speaking times in just over 3 weeks) that will limit our personal ability to fundraise. Someone suggested that we cancel our participation in the conferences in Canada, Uganda and Ecuador in the coming weeks but we feel God is more glorified if we keep our commitments and, after all, if we seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness then all these things shall be added. So please pray for effective ministry and pray likewise that this grassroots movement of meeting the need to somehow, some way rescue the NAME headquarters building would be so fruitful that everyone would know that God has indeed done a great work. Jesus said, "Let your light so shine before men that seeing your good works they may give glory to the Father in heaven."

Please prayerfully consider, as a couple, what God would have you to do in this regard; at the very least, somehow participate in making the M3 webpage go viral and asked God to show you who you might connect to this vision at this strategic time. In the letter we are sending out to our entire list, we said that we have learned that when we are down to nothing, God is up to something! Please be a part of what God is up to, it shall be a blessing to your marriage, to your generations, to other marriages and to the institution that God loves and calls his bride.

Once again, thank you so much and please e-mail info@namonline.net with your prayer requests, updates and testimonies of what God is doing in your marriage and your efforts for marriages.


We love you, with our hands to the plough, not looking back,


Pastor Leo and Molly Godzich

National Association of Marriage Enhancement
20628 N Cave Creek Rd
Phoenix, Arizona 85024


Donate Now Button

National Association of Marriage Enhancement | 20628 N Cave Creek Rd | Phoenix | AZ | 85024

Have you had "The Talk" with your kids? | FTF eNews October Vol.2

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "First Things First" <ftf@firstthings.org>
Date: Oct 27, 2011 1:07 PM
Subject: Have you had "The Talk" with your kids? | FTF eNews October Vol.2
To: <billcoffin68@gmail.com>

First Things First eNews
  October 2011    Volume 2          

FTF Classes

Passionately Married*

Bring "sexy" back
to your marriage


November 4 & 5  


6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.


9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. 

New Covenant

 Fellowship Church

1326 N. Moore Road

Chattanooga, TN  37411


Click here to register

Dinner or Lunch provided by First Things First


Visit firstthings.org for additional classes 



Boot Camp
for New Dads



(Family University)  


* Funding for this project was provided by the US Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90FM004801. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the US Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families   

Save The Dates!
December 3, 2011



January 28, 2012

Find us on Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

Let's Talk Month

Have you had "The Talk" with your kids?            

October is Let's Talk Month, a national initiative that supports parents in their efforts to talk openly and honestly with their children about healthy relationships.

Having "The Talk" may not always be easy, but not having it could be detrimental to your child's future.  It's important to keep the communication lines open and listen to what they have to say.   It may feel overwhelming at times, but remember that your children would rather hear correct information from someone they trust--like YOU! 

For tips and ideas on how to start the dialogue with your kids, click here.  

Families on the Run

You Better Watch Out!            

The 7th annual Families on the Run is coming to town!  This holiday family tradition returns to the Chattanooga Riverfront on Saturday, December 3. Runners and families from all across the region will gather to compete in the 5K, 10K or non-competitive Kiddie K Fun Jog. 

The course begins and ends at the Hunter Museum of American Art, and starts promptly at 7:45 a.m. After the run, participants and their families are invited to join us for a Holiday Party at the downtown SportsBarn.  Registration is now open for individuals, families and groups. This is the perfect event for large groups across the community.  

To learn more, visit firstthings.org for more information 


620 Lindsay Street
Suite 100

Chattanooga, TN 37403

This is the fine print text where you might tell your customers how the item will be shipped and, for example, if they are overseas that there will be additional shipping charges and must contact you.
This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by ftf@firstthings.org |  
First Things First | 620 Lindsay Street | Suite 100 | Chattanooga | TN | 37403

Forum/Webcast: Nation's Priorities & Children

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Urban Institute <publicaffairs@urban.org>
Date: Tue, Oct 25, 2011 at 10:49 AM
Subject: Forum/Webcast: Nation's Priorities & Children
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

The Urban Institute Low Income Working Families
You are cordially invited to attend


Friday, October 28, 2011 • Noon-1:30 p.m. ET

To attend in person in Washington, D.C., register at:
http://www.eventbrite.com/event/2355216516. (Registration is required.)

To watch the video webcast or a recording, go to
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/urban-institute-events. (No registration is necessary.)



  • Olivia Golden, Institute fellow, Urban Institute; former assistant secretary for children and families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
  • Charles Kolb, president, Committee for Economic Development; former deputy assistant to President George H. W. Bush for domestic policy
  • Jim Kolbe, senior transatlantic fellow, German Marshall Fund of the United States; former member, U.S. House of Representatives
  • Robert Reischauer, president, Urban Institute; former director, Congressional Budget Office
  • Raymond Scheppach, professor of practice, Batten School of Leadership and Public Policy, University of Virginia; former executive director, National Governors Association
  • Margaret Simms, Institute fellow, Urban Institute; director, Low-Income Working Families project
  • Judy Woodruff, senior correspondent, PBS NewsHour (moderator)

Government's gears are being ground smooth by nonstop wrangling over broad and deep economic maladies, partisanship that grows as election 2012 nears, and fractured visions for America's future.

In a month, Congress's Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, known informally as the Super Committee, will issue its recommendation on how to deflate the deficit by at least $1.5 trillion over the next ten years. In a year, Americans will go to the polls to select many federal, state, and local leaders. And in between these events, state capitals will tangle anew over shrinking revenues, burgeoning constituent needs, and balanced-budget dictates.  

Where, in all of this, are America's 74 million children? What challenges and opportunities are posed by budget battles when we think about the dramatic changes in children's lives in recent decades -- almost 22 percent living in poverty, the trend toward "majority minority" among children, the regional shifts from northern states losing children to southern states gaining them? What will it take to come to national and state budget decisions that invest at the level needed for the youngest generation to succeed, especially in light of states' senior role in funding children's programs and services?  

The search for answers will begin with new commentaries by Urban Institute scholars from diverse disciplines. Each reflection is grounded in an understanding that over the last two decades economic and demographic trends have substantially changed -- or upended -- the lives of children. Join us for an adult conversation about America's children, budgets, and priorities.

At the Urban Institute
2100 M Street N.W., 5th Floor, Washington, D.C.
Lunch will be provided at 11:45 a.m. The forum begins promptly at noon.

This newsletter is being sent to: billcoffin68@GMAIL.COM


How To Create More Intact Families - Ethics & Religion Col. #1,574

October 26, 2011

Column #1,574

How To Create More Intact Families

By Mike McManus


            ST. LOUIS - “Taxpayers are spending a trillion dollars a year to subsidize non-marriage – 75% federal and   25% by states – which goes to the single mom,” Phyllis Schlafly asserted at the launching of a new Center for Marriage Policy.  She noted Ronald Reagan once said, `If you subsidize something, you will get more of it.’”


America has subsidizing cohabitation. Result: it soared 17-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 7.5 million last year. Subsequently marriage rates have plunged in half. Further, 41% of U.S. births are out of wedlock (mostly to cohabiting couples) vs. only 2% unwed births in Japan.


How can America create more intact families?   


There are two major answers, and the Center for Marriage Policy is unique in America in pursuing both options.


First, America’s churches can be helped to do a better job.  They marry 86% of Americans, but not well.  Protestant divorce rates are actually higher than the unchurched.


However, my wife and I have created Marriage Savers which has helped 10,000+ clergy in 229 cities adopt a “Community Marriage Policy” that has reduced divorce and cohabitation rates across entire metro areas.  I was invited by David Usher, the Center’s founder, to speak to St. Louis area pastors about creating this intervention.


The second major strategy to build more intact families is political.


Usher invited state legislators to attend a luncheon at which he said, “America is drowning in deficit spending. Marriage absence is the greatest economic problem we face and the greatest social problem. Nothing creates more human misery.


“Over 45 years, poverty levels for married families have been only 5% to 7%, while that of unmarried individuals is 5-6 times higher.  The government cost was $960 billion last year alone, for Medicaid, food stamps, day care, foster homes, etc. America is going broke.”


Therefore he called for a “marriage revolution,” and asked me to outline possible changes in state law. 


First, State laws could be changed to reduce divorce rates.


Last week a proposal was made for a “Second Chances Act,” based on research which reports that about 60% of divorces are by couples who are no more unhappy than those who remain married and have “low levels of conflict.”


Further, new research by University of Minnesota Prof. William Doherty surveyed 2,500 couples and found that 40% of those well into the divorce process, say that “one or both of them are interested in the possibility of reconciliation.”  That offers hope.


Therefore, Doherty and Leah Ward Sears, former Chief Justice of Georgia’s Supreme Court, proposed a “Second Chances Act” would set a one year “cooling off” period before a divorce can become final. It also encourages spouses to send their mates an “early notification and divorce prevention letter,” warning that a divorce was likely if problems were not resolved.


A year’s delay would be a big change for 25 states with no waiting period, or only 20-60 days. Of 10 states with the highest divorce rates, 9 had no waiting period. A year would allow time for much reconciliation.


Second Chances would require parents of minor children to attend divorce education classes, in person or on line, before they file for divorce. The course would offer information on the impact of divorce on children, and on the option of reconciliation, and its benefits to adults.


Divorce rates would drop, but the injustice of No Fault Divorce would remain. A man who left his family and ran off with a younger woman would still get half of family assets.


Another proposal, Responsible Spouse Guidelines, would give 50%-67% of child custody time and 60%-100% of family assets to the “Responsible Spouse” trying to preserve a marriage, with a judge deciding the exact split.  Neither a person who files for divorce nor an adulterous partner could be designated the Responsible Spouse. 


However, the Guidelines would give the other parent, at least one-third of child custody time, five overnights out of 14.  That would double the access of non-custodial parents to their children.  This proposal by Ronald Grignol and Dr. Michael Ross, was published this summer by FCS Quarterly.


How can cohabitation be reduced?  Ideally, a new President might ask Congress to pass a law encouraging couples living together to marry.  He might say, “If cohabiting parents marry, the government will not cut your Medicaid, food stamps, housing subsidies, etc. for two years, with benefits being tapered off over three more years.” 


If these reforms were enacted, divorce rates would fall and more children would grow up with married parents giving them a better future.  Taxpayers would also save billions in time.

Copyright © Michael J. McManus, President of Marriage Savers and a syndicated columnist.




My new email address is mike@marriagesavers.org

Michael J. McManus
syndicated columnist
"Ethics & Religion"
President & Co-Chair
Marriage Savers
9311 Harrington Dr.
Potomac, MD 20854



The Woman Who Saved Marriage/2nd Act/ 50th Tribute/ NARME Dates/ Alabama Grant - 10/25/11

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Smartmarriages <smartmarriages@lists101.his.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 26, 2011 at 12:16 AM
Subject: The Woman Who Saved Marriage/2nd Act/ 50th Tribute/ NARME Dates/ Alabama Grant - 10/25/11
To: List <smartmarriages@lists101.his.com>, Blogs <cmfce@smartmarriages.com>

- The Woman Who Saved Marriage
- 50th Wedding Anniversary Tribute
- Save the Dates: NARME 2012 CONFERENCE: BALTIMORE, JULY 20-25
- Grant brings big money to college

Dear Ones,

I’ve been away for 2+ weeks and returned to over a thousand emails one of which (posted below) perked me up – though not so sure we can say we’ve “saved marriage.” We shall see....  
In any case, my thanks to Susan Heitler for such a nice tribute and also to all of you who forwarded it to me and added your own quite fulsome praise.  I am also encouraged by the dozens of emails from folks looking for Marriage Education classes.  People visit the Smart Marriages website and read about the wonders of marriage education, and then, naturally, want to take a Marriage Education class.  That’s a good thing though the fact that many still mention that their marriage counselor has suggested they separate makes me nuts.  I’m also dismayed when I can’t direct those who are inquiring to classes in their cities – sometimes not even in their states.  If you’re teaching a class, please list it on the Directory.  Or, if you’re teaching online or by phone, many couples are in locations where we have no coverage and would appreciate an at-a-distance marriage education opportunity. Here’s the at-a-distance section:
Get thee listed. And, maybe I should also say, get your program online. - diane

- The Woman Who Saved Marriage
Diane Sollee launched marriage education and stopped the divorce epidemic.  
October 21, 2011 by Susan  Heitler, Ph.D
I’m told that the website I included in the post about the Second Act Divorce Reforem proposal for state legislation,  has no info about it.  Find that info here: http://americanvalues.org/secondchances

Also, you can get an audio, video or transcript of the Bill Doherty/Leah Sears Second Act event at Brookings here:

- 50th Wedding Anniversary Tribute
Part of my trip involved attending the 50th anniversary of my daughter-in-law’s parents.  Here are her remarks at their vow-renewal celebration.  You can see that she used the Smart Marriages’ quotes page, which anyone can do:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/marriage.quotes.html.  But she’s done the work and did a great job (there wasn’t a dry eye in the house) so I’lll share it as it might make it easier for the rest of you (IF you get so lucky as to host a 50th celebration!)   - diane

Hi – I’m Margie, and my sisters, Georgia and Jaime, and I want to welcome you all and thank you for coming today.  We realize there are two very important football games going on right now; and we are happy you chose to spend the afternoon with us to celebrate our parents 50th wedding anniversary.
I’ll start by stealing a quote from my mother-in-law, Diane Sollee, sitting right over there: “Any fool can have a trophy wife, but it takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.”  I think my dad lucked out and got both – a trophy wife and a trophy marriage. 50 years – holy cow.  That’s really hard to imagine.
Most of you probably don’t know that not only have my parents been married 50 years, but they have been together since they were 13 and 15 years old.  My mother has never had another boyfriend besides my dad.  When my sisters and I were younger, that fact really grossed us out – and we still find it a little suspect.  I mean “Mom, really? – No other boyfriend?”  I look at my son and daughter who are almost 16 and my niece who is 14, and I cannot imagine them pairing up for life. It’s even difficult to imagine for my 20-year-old nephew.  But, I suppose things were different then; and when you find the love of your life you stick with that person.  I guess we should all be that lucky.
Way back 50 years ago, everyone got married. It’s what you did.  No questions asked.  Today, not so much.  So you might ask, why do we get married?  What’s the use?  Because, we need a witness to our lives.  There are a billion people on this planet.  What does any one life really mean?  But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything.  The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things.  All of it.  All the time, every day.  You are saying, “Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.”
So how do you make it to 50 years? Well in our household the answer to that question was hunting and fishing.  Every weekend while we were growing up, our dad would leave on Saturday morning for a hunting or fishing trip.  The four girls would get up and watch Style with Elsa Klensch on CNN.  Then we would clean house, take showers and go shopping for the day – a little female bonding. On Sunday afternoon, dad would return, and the family would be whole again.  So, my tip to all you newly-marrieds is – find something you enjoy doing apart.  Do that thing, then come back together.  It certainly worked for my parents.

We often hear people say, “Is there anything more beautiful than a young couple clasping hands, in love on the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?”  And the answer is, "Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path.  Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant.  Their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. That thing is old love."
Let’s welcome my parents.


- Save the Dates: NARME 2012 CONFERENCE: BALTIMORE, JULY 20-25
For details, http://www.narme.org/portal2/
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- Grant brings big money to college
Anna Claire Conrad
The Auburn Plainsman
Oct 20, 2011

(Thought you might find it interesting to read about one of the Marriage Grant recipients in some detail and cheer them on for their progress.  Bravo to this team. - diane)
Auburn’s College of Human Sciences has been endowed with a three-year, $7.5 million grant to continue the promotion of the Alabama Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education Initiative.

“Since 2006, we had a five-year, $9.2 million grant,” said Roberta Jackel, project manager for the AHMREI. “When this grant transpired, we applied for and was appropriated this new, three-year federal grant through the Department of Health and Human Services.”

Jackel said this grant will be used to fund healthy relationship and marriage education programs throughout Alabama.

“We will host a series of classes that will be taught here in Lee County,” Jackel said. “Previously, through our last grant, these classes were only taught by 10 partners scattered around the state.”

Francesca Adler-Baeder, professor of human development and family studies and project director of the AHMREI, said these classes will be free because of the grant.

Adler-Baeder also emphasized these programs are an educational outreach resource at the community’s disposal to better their marriages and relationships, and they are in no way counseling sessions or interventions.

“We believe that healthy relationship skills can be taught and that people can learn better communication, conflict resolution and parenting skills through these educational workshops,” Jackel said.

Rachel Parham, recent Auburn graduate in human development and family studies, said the people who attend these classes thoroughly enjoy the program, and, based on past progress, Lee County will greatly benefit from this initiative.

“For these next three years we will be providing on-campus educational programs on maintaining healthy relationships,” Adler-Baeder said. “These classes will be made available through the continuing education program and, perhaps, on different locations throughout the University.”

Jackel said Alabama has historically had a high divorce rate.

Adler-Baeder said when this organization first began its educational initiative in 2006, Alabama was ranked as the state with the fifth-highest divorce rate.

“Since then, Alabama has dropped five places and is now ranked as the state with the 10th highest divorce rate,” Adler-Baider said. “It’s these results and the individual results we witness firsthand with our participants that motivates us to continue this initiative.”

Parham said conflict within a marriage affects the entire family dynamic.

“The children of the couples who attend these classes end up being happier and more well-behaved  because they see that the example their parents are setting for them,” Parham said.

Adler-Baeder said she looks forward to the Auburn community getting involved.

“We’ve seen through past programs with different junior high and high schools around the area that the peers-teaching-peers method has helped our clients immensely and that teens tend to learn better from a demographic they can relate to,” Parham said.  

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