Five Minutes for Marriage

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Five Minutes for Marriage

January 2012
A happy marriage is the world's best bargain.
 O.A. Battista
In This Issue:
Bulletin Insert
January Class List
Featured Video Clip
Local Events and News
Research Findings
Distress and Divorce / Restoration
Healthy Marriage
Blended Families
Youth Ministry / Parenting
Premarital Preparation
Resources For Pastors
Resources to Pass Along
Parting Words

for January  encourages couples make one or two joint New Year's resolutions and also offers local opportunities to nurture their relationship.
The January CLASS LIST
offers many opportunities for couples desiring to encourage their relationship. Will you be offering classes/seminars that should be included here? We would be pleased to add them.

Tom Dressel, Executive Director
of EMM, and his wife Liz
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Every Marriage Matters
1005 Woodlawn Ave
Oregon City, Oregon 97045


We believe this new format for Five Minutes will assist you to get to the information you need to nurture the marriages within your sphere of influence.

Please be patient as we work to improve. Let Tom Dressel know about the bugs you find, the features you like, those you would like to see added, and those things that could be dropped. Our sole reason in being is to help you help couples find Jesus through their marriages.



I STILL DO 2012 


Along with many of you, the  sponsors of the I Still Do and Pastor Breakfast events are feeling the effect of a contracting economy. These events are cancelled for 2012 with plans moving forward for 2013. We would appreciate your prayers for marriage ministries



The Art of Marriage brings together some of the most influential pastors and experts on marriage and family all in one setting. It is a fresh approach to a video event, weaving together engaging stories, real-life testimonies, man-on-the-street interviews and humorous vignettes. Your couples will experience God's design for marriage, details.

Art of Marriage would make a great Marriage Week (Feb 7-14) seminar. Every Marriage Matters has a copy of this 6 hour DVD series available for church loan, contact 
Tom Dressel.
This month at we take a humorous look at expectations through a computer program called iMarriage.
Project Marry Well Training seeks to help you build a biblically sound, evidence-based strategy for preparing teens and singles for successful marriages.Equip your youth ministry team and  parents. Northwest Family Services is seeking training locations, the following are presently scheduled: 
  Friday, Jan 20 at Northwest Family Services
  Saturday, Feb 25 at Living Hope Church, Oregon City

Art of Marriage Seminar This powerful DVD based seminar will be hosted by Abundant Life Church, Happy Valley, on January 27 and 28. 
A Dividend Wall Street Cannot Deliver The wealth of nations depends in no small part on the health of the family. From New Zealand publication 
Are Married Men Better Workers Than Single Ones? From Jim Daly's comment on the Focus on the Family blog

Can't Buy Love: Materialism Kills Marriages From ABC News.

Fewer marriages, fewer jobs, what's contributing to poverty? From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Holding Off On Having KidsThe bleak economic picture we're seeing today, with high unemployment and low pay is discouraging many families from having kids. From the Wall Street Journal

Number of long-lasting marriages in U.S. has risen Three in four couples who married after 1990 celebrated a 10-year anniversary. From the Washington Post.

Teen Parents in Foster Care: Risk Factors and Outcomes for Teens and Their Children From a Child Trends Report.

Want to build wealth? Get married It is arguably the single most important personal financial decision you will ever make. But few people see it that way. From the (Canadian) National Post.

Return to Top

Married couples at a record low More people are deciding to live together now and wed later. From the Washington Post.

The Ring Makes All the Difference Describes why marriage is better than cohabitation - for everyone. From Focus on the Family.

18 Shocking Statistics About Children and Divorce from Larry Bilotta's Marriage Success Secrets.
Getting Rid of the Green-Eyed Monster in Your Marriage From Dr Gary and Barbara Rosberg.
The Descendants movie "It's by far the best movie I've ever seen dealing with extramarital affairs. In fact, this movie is unique in that it doesn't depict the affair itself at all. The affair has already ended when the movie begins, so it focuses strictly on the aftermath." - Peggy  Vaughan, author of Beyond Affairs (
Second Chances: A Proposal to Reduce Unnecessary Divorces From the Institute for American Values. 

Allies Every Husband Needs Men do crazy things when other men are around. But they also achieve the impossible. An excerpt from a great new book from Brian Goin.

Reasons to Stay Married discusses several aspects of commitment. From author Joe Beam.

Sex is the Key to a Happy Retirement Pensioners with an active sex life are significantly more likely to enjoy a happy retirement. This Telegraph article reports from the United Kingdom.
Five Steps To Startup-Proof A Relationship Encouragement to entrepreneurs from Forbes Magazine.
Thanks For a Whole Lot of Nothings My gratitude for everyday actions improved our opinions of each other. From Marriage Partnership. 
The Generous Marriage Research from the National Marriage Project reported in the New York Times blog.

The Truth About Deception How manipulation sabotages marriage Sherry Van Zante.

The Parental Happiness Curve Why are parents with four-plus children happier, on average, than those with just a couple? Reported by

National Center for Family & Marriage Research News and Notes

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Resources by Topic


Resources by Topic

News and Notes

December 2011

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The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to News and Notes, our monthly electronic newsletter. News and Notes aims to keep you informed about the activities of the NCFMR. We will also announce funding and research opportunities, provide registration details for conferences and workshops, and keep you updated on current research findings.

What's New at the NCFMR...


The following updates may be viewed on the NCFMR website.



New Family Profiles Series Released On the Road Sign

On the Road to Adulthood 


The NCFMR recently released a third installment in a series of Family Profiles. On the Road to Adulthood profiles examine the family formation markers leading to early adulthood using recent data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY). 


View our other series of Family Profiles.


Dividing Line 


Just Released Data Resources


Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing and analyzing nationally representative data with the goal to provide the latest analysis of U.S. families.


Family Profiles Series

Family Profiles that focus on the latest NCFMR analyses of American families.

The Data Source

Documents describing newly released data sets used by the family research community.


Working Paper Series

A collection of working papers written by faculty affiliates, researchers, and advanced graduate students.  

  • Paula Fomby, Shannon Cavanagh, and Joshua Goode 


  Dividing Line


NCFMR in the News


Manning and Brown Discuss Family Formations in Early Adulthood


NCFMR Research Finds Half of Boomers Who Divorce are in Short-Term Marriages

The Berkeley Daily Planet  

Co-Directors Discuss Protective Effects of a College Degree Against Divorce


NCFMR Research Examines Pathways to Family Formation

The Dating Scene is Graying Notes Co-Director Susan Brown

Pittsburgh Tribune-Review



Undergraduate Research Assistant Julia Arroyo Finds Increase in Median Age at First Marriage 


Julia Arroyo, undergraduate research assistant, presented her research at the BGSU Presidential Inauguration Student Research Symposium on November 30. Arroyo's research finds a striking increase in the median age at first marriage during 2010. While men's median age at first marriage increased .5 years, women's increased .4 years.   


BGSU President Mazey and Julia Arroyo discuss Arroyo's research during the BGSU Presidential Inauguration
Student Research Symposium
President Mazey and Julia Arroyo



Upcoming Events



January 2012

Request for Proposals -- Stanford Center for the Study of Poverty & Inequality (CPI) New Scholars Grant Competition

Research on Monitoring Trends in Poverty and Inequality

Date Due: January 10 

Link to The Stanford Center 


Call for Papers -- American Sociological Association 2012 Annual Meeting

Real Utopias: Emancipatory Projects, Institutional Designs, Possible Futures

Date Due: January 11

Link to ASA 


Call for Applications -- National Poverty Center (NPC)

Postdoctoral Fellowship, 2012

Date Due: January 13

Link to NPC 


Call for Applications -- Population Council 

Fred H. Bixby Fellowship Program  

Date Due: January 15

Link to Population Council 


Request for Applications -- 2012 NIH Director's Early Independence Awards Program

Date Due: January 30

Link to The NIH Common Fund 


Invitation for Submissions -- ICPSR 2012 Research Paper Competition

Open to Undergraduates and Master's Students at Member Institutions

Date Due: January 31

Link to ICPSR 


Call for Proposals -- Center for Adolescent Research and Development Conference

The Mount Saint Mary College Center for Adolescent Research and Development (CARD)

Date Due: January 31

Link to Mount Saint Mary College 


February 2012

Call for Applications -- ICPSR Summer Undergraduate Internship Program

Annual Summer Internship Program

Date Due: February 13

Link to ICPSR 


Call for Applications -- Family Process Institute

2012 New Writers Fellowship

Date Due: February 15

Link to Family Process Org 

Link to Call for Family Process New Writers Fellows PDF  

Call for Applications -- Center for Population Research in LGBT Health

Pre-Doctoral Mentoring Program
Date Due: February 15
Link to ICPSR


Call for Applications -- The Population Research Center at the University of Texas at Austin

REU Program in Immigration, Geography, and Race/Ethnicity in the U.S.

Date Due: February 17

Link to UT Austin  


13th Annual National Fatherhood and Families Conference -- Fathers & Families Coalition of America

Dates: February 21-24

Link to Fathers & Families Coalition of America 


March 2012

Special Issue Call for Papers -- Journal of Family Theory & Review

Date Due: March 1 

Contact the following to discuss your ideas:

Link to Journal of Family Theory & Review Call for Papers  


Call for Proposals -- National Council on Family Relations
Families and Health
Date Due: March 1
Link to NCFR

Call for Applications -- Rand Summer Institute
Demography, Economics, Psychology, and Epidemiology of Aging
Date Due: March 9
Link to Rand Summer Institute

CFDR Spring Symposium
Parenthood and Well-Being
Date: March 26


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Grandparenting and Marriage

From: MarriageVine Ministries [] On Behalf Of MarriageVine Ministries
Sent: Tuesday, January 03, 2012 11:30 PM
Subject: Grandparenting and Marriage

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Marriage Focus by MarriageVine


Grandparenting and Marriage 

by Dr. Gary Chapman


How to Really Love Your Adult Child

If you have children and you live long enough, you're likely to become a grandparent. What does becoming a grandparent have to do with marriage? It creates another whole set of dynamics - things about which you and your spouse may agree or disagree. In short, it may create more conflict.

The very thought of becoming a grandparent sends some people into a tailspin. Some grandparents take the attitude, "I raised my kids, they can raise theirs." Others say, "Don't call me Grandma - I'm not that old!"
Research indicates that many children do not have a close relationship with their grandparents.

On the other hand, those grandparents who take their grandchildren seriously, usually have a strong influence on the children.

 If you don't yet have grandchildren, now's the time to talk about it. If the two of you get on the same page before the grandchildren are born, you're less likely to have conflicts after they arrive.

If you already have grandchildren and they're coming for a visit, share your concerns with each other before the grandchildren get there. Don't argue in front of them.  

Today's article is based on the book,  How To Really Love Your Adult ChildFor a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.

The Purpose of Your Marriage  

by C.J. Mahaney 


Paul reveals to us in Ephesians 5 the divine intention for marriage. It's to be an echo or reflection of the relationship that exists between Christ and the Church - always a very imperfect reflection, but a reflection nonetheless. Please don't think of this as merely a helpful illustration or an interesting perspective. It's much more than that. This is the essence of marriage. This is the divine purpose for your marriage.

This means that your marriage is meant to be, by the grace of God, the best echo, the most faithful reflection, of that relationship that you can possibly be. It's not about impressing people or drawing attention to ourselves. It's about being genuinely united in a strong, godly, intimate relationship that echoes the one between Christ and the Church.  

Has your marriage primarily been centered on you? On your wife? On your kids? On your responsibilities? On your goals? On your comforts? On your stuff? If so, you've been trying to live in a way you were never intended to.

The biblical purpose for marriage, you see, is not man-centered or needs-centered. It's God-centered. It's profoundly mysterious and profoundly significant.
Your marriage is meant to point to the truth of the crucified and risen Savior who will return for His Bride.

Unless we grasp this - unless there's a conviction that marriage is ultimately meant to bring glory to God by echoing the relationship between Christ and the Church - any benefit you get from this book will be superficial and temporary.


This article content is taken directly from Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by CJ Mahaney. Published by Crossway, copyright 2009. Used by permission.

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Links of Interest

Local Airports
There are three airports that serve the general Baltimore-Washington area. They are (with the distance from the hotel):

  • Baltimore-Washington International (BWI): 10 miles
  • Reagan Washington National Airport (DCA): 41 miles
  • Washington Dulles International Airport (IAD): 70 miles

Ground transportation 

  • The BWI Marshall Light Rail Station is located immediately outside the lower level of the terminal building, adjacent to Concourse E. 
  • One-way fare is $1.60.
  • Download the map and schedule for more information.
  • From DCA
    • From the airport, take the Metro to Union Station. 
    • Change to the MARC line, and exit at Baltimore-Camden Station.
    • One-way fare is $7.00.
    • For more information on schedule, visit

    Hotel Parking
    Hotel parking is available at $28/day for in-and-out privileges or $36/day for valet.

    For more information on getting to Baltimore, visit

    America's Marriage Rate Plunges - Ethics & Religion Col. #1,583

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    From: Michael J. McManus <>
    Date: Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 10:43 PM
    Subject: America's Marriage Rate Plunges - Ethics & Religion Col. #1,583

    December 28, 2011

    Column #1,583

    America’s Marriage Rate Plunges

    By Mike McManus


                Only 51 percent of Americans are currently married – a record low – down from 72 percent in 1960, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census data.


                There are three major factors behind these trends.


                First, the number of never-married Americans has nearly doubled from 15 to 28 percent from 1960-2010.  Pew said that many couples are cohabiting instead of marrying because “they fear divorce.”    Why? Many are adult children of divorce who do not want to live through such pain again.


                Second, the number of divorced and un-remarried people has grown from 5 to 14 percent of the population.


                Third, in the last 50 years the age at which people marry has jumped six years to 26 for women, and for men, to 29 years. Today only a fifth of adults aged 18-29 are married vs. three times as many in 1960, 59 percent.


                What’s troubling to me is not the later age at which people marry, which is generally wise, but the fact so many have never married.  Only 72 percent of today’s adults have ever married vs. 85 percent in 1960. 


                This is a big cultural change.  What is behind this shift? Another recent Pew survey reported that four in ten Americans (39 percent) think marriage is “becoming obsolete.” 


                What I find particularly interesting is that 47% of those who think marriage is becoming obsolete say they would like to marry – virtually the same share (45 percent) of unmarried adults who think marriage is not becoming obsolete, who say they want to wed.

                Those numbers suggest a strategy for churches, who perform nine of ten weddings: make a case for marriage from the pulpit.  True, there aren’t many cohabiting couples in church, but there are millions of church-going parents of adult children who do not know what to say to them.


                What are the best arguments that pastors might make about the value of marriage?


                I recommend that clergy read “The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2011,” by the Institute for American Values ( Its co-authors are W. Bradford Wilcox of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and Elizabeth Marquardt of IAV’s Center for Marriage and Families.


                Their report provides scientific evidence of what every pastor has long believed: “Couples who both agree that `God is at the center of our marriage’ are at least 26 percentage points more likely to report that they are `very happy.”  While 50 percent of both men and women report being very happy, of those who believe God is at the center of their marriage, 77 percent of women and 76 percent of men are very happy.


                These more religious couples are also more likely to report high levels of commitment and a pattern of generous behavior toward one another. “In other words, marital spirituality is linked to beliefs and behaviors that strengthen the marriage bond,” said the report.


                Similarly, mothers and fathers who see parenting as one of “life’s greatest joys,” are about twice as likely to reporting being very happy in their marriages. It is one of the “Top Five Predictors of Marital Success.”


                However, the report cautions that “parenthood is typically associated with lower levels of marital happiness.” Having a baby requires sacrifices such as a loss of sleep, less disposable income and often, less quality time with one another, resulting in less sex.


    And there is a sad paradox among young Americans.  While most would like to have two or three children, “a growing share of young women and men believe that a good marriage is personally unattainable, and more are raising children outside of marriage.”


                However the report, “When Baby Makes Three,” provides new evidence that both husbands and wives – but wives especially – are “more likely than their childless peers to feel their lives have a sense of meaning and purpose.”  And a substantial minority of married couples do not experience parenthood as an obstacle to marital happiness.


                What is their secret?  Two answers are shared housework chores and sexual satisfaction.  One surprise is that the happiest wives and husbands today “are those with no children and those with four or more children.” 


                Another important factor is education.  Americans without college degrees are three times as likely to divorce in the first ten years of marriage vs. those with college education.


                Most important, however, is a shared faith that endows marriage “with transcendent significance.” Attending services together is a top predictor of marital stability.


                Finally, “parenthood makes life meaningful and marriage makes parenthood bearable.” 

    Copyright © Michael J. McManus is President of Marriage Savers and a syndicated columnist.





    My new email address is

    Michael J. McManus
    syndicated columnist
    "Ethics & Religion"
    President & Co-Chair
    Marriage Savers
    9311 Harrington Dr.
    Potomac, MD 20854



    The Relationship Skills Center Creates Joy and Love

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    From: Carolyn Rich Curtis <>
    Date: Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 2:27 PM
    Subject: The Relationship Skills Center Creates Joy and Love

    Safiya and Damorio cropped 
    Dear Friend,

    On a bright Saturday in late November, the Relationship Skills Center's first annual Wedding Marathon, an occasion of much joy and celebration, took place.  Eight couples that graduated from relationship skills classes were married in ceremonies as unique as their stories.


    One such story is that of Damorio and Safiya.  Damorio proposed to his bride, Safiya, the morning after their first child, a daughter, was stillborn.  They now have another little girl.


    "After that tragedy, we were bonded and decided to make a life together," Safiya said. "And God blessed us with Baby Celeste."


    Safiya and Damorio, who are both 31, met at a marketing class at American River College in Sacramento. The bridegroom, a chef looking for work, and the bride, a homemaker, said they jumped at the chance to get married with the other couples.


    "It was the only way we could do this," Safiya said. "Our savings went toward our first daughter's funeral. The second time we had savings, Celeste came along."


    Couples in the Sacramento area, like Safiya and Damorio, want to love and support one another and create healthy, strong, and safe families.  Over 200 families have turned to the Relationship Skills Center for assistance in making this happen.  In the news, we are continually reminded that healthy families are the key to creating a healthy society.


    Though a great deal has been accomplished, much work still needs to be done and we need your support.   Will you consider sending us a donation? $10 will purchase a workbook for a young person, $50 will provide a relationship class to a couple which will change their lives forever, and $200 will sponsor an entire relationship class at a middle or high school.


    The work we do changes relationships for good.  Thank you for your dedication to and support of Sacramento area families!


    Sending you and your family health and happiness in the New Year,


    Carolyn Rich Curtis, Ph.D.

    Executive Director

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    Relationship Skills Center | 9719 Lincoln Village Dr. | Suite 503 | Sacramento | CA | 95827

    U.S. Families in 2010 Family Profiles Released by NCFMR

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    From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <>
    Date: Wed, Dec 21, 2011 at 2:25 PM
    Subject: U.S. Families in 2010 Family Profiles Released by NCFMR

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    NCFMR Releases New Series of

    -- U.S. Families in 2010 -- 

    US Families 2010     


    The NCFMR is pleased to announce the release of a series of Family Profiles that provide up-to-date analysis of marriage and divorce patterns in America.  



    Family Profiles

    Original reports summarizing and analyzing nationally representative data with the goal to provide the latest analysis on U.S. families. These profiles examine topics related to the NCFMR's core research themes.


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    CALL FOR PRESENTERS - NARME Champions for Children Conference 2012

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    Date: Wed, Dec 21, 2011 at 11:25 AM
    Subject: CALL FOR PRESENTERS - NARME Champions for Children Conference 2012

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    NARME’s 2012 “Champions for Children” Conference
    Baltimore, Maryland
    July 20-25, 2012

    Presenters Wanted!

    The National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education (NARME) is currently seeking qualified, professional speakers – experts in their field - to present at the 2nd annual conference.  This conference will offer an array of topics around the goal of promoting “Champions for Children."  In preparing for a successful event, we realize that our sessions are only as effective as our presenters.

    Staying in line with the mission of NARME, it is our desire to establish a conference that will foster education for healthy marriages, responsible fathers, and strong families.  We are seeking presenters and speakers that will join us in this endeavor to deliver quality sessions as well as enhance the overall conference experience.  As we begin to select speakers for this upcoming conference, we hope that this will become a lifelong partnership as we team up to become “Champions for Children”. 

    All seminars should tie into the theme of the conference.  Presenters are expected to provide insightful information that will enhance the abilities of organizations, practitioners, and/or individuals to provide services to couples, fathers, families, and youth and single adults from diverse backgrounds for the benefit of raising healthy children, thus “Champions for Children.”  We are looking for presenters to provide information on effective programs for marriages, fatherhood and families, children and youth, best practices, tools and resources, and research.    

    One, two, or three day training programs will start as follows: 3-day trainings begin on Friday, July 20th and run 3 days, 2-day trainings begin on Saturday, July 21st and run 2 days, 1-day trainings will be on Sunday, July 22nd.

    Each workshop session will be approximately 90 minutes in length and should be able to provide hands-on tools for the participants.  It is highly recommended that the session be interactive.  Workshops will be scheduled on any of the dates between Monday, July 23rd – Wednesday, July 25th, 2012.  PRESENTERS SHOULD PLAN ON BEING AT THE

    If you are interested in presenting, please visit to complete
    a Presenter Application.  Submit one proposal for each workshop that you
    desire to present.  Proposals must be received no later than 5:00 pm on Monday, January 16, 2012.  Do not submit any physical paperwork or payment until notified to do so. 

    Before submitting an application, please read the Presenter Agreement ( found on page 8
    of the application
    ).  Proposal
    selections will be made by Friday, January 20, 2012, and presenters will be notified via e-mail.  The presenters that are selected will be given right of first refusal for an exhibit booth.        

    Thank you in advance for your consideration.  We hope to see you at NARME’s “Champions for Children” 2012 Conference in Baltimore!

    Best Regards,

    Maggie Russell & Rob Harrison
    NARME 2012 Conference Co-Chairs

    Strengthening Marriages and Families

    P.O. Box 14946 | Tallahassee, FL 32317 US

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