Study: Are Cohabiting Parents Bad For Kids?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kay Reed <>
Date: Tue, Aug 16, 2011 at 1:05 PM
Subject: Fwd: Study: Are Cohabiting Parents Bad For Kids?
To: Diane Sollee <>, Bill Coffin <>, Patty Howell <>

Friends - 

If you put this out to your networks, you might mention that Dibble programs, based on the Institute for American Values and National Marriage Project, address this topic with young people. Check out Why Buy the Cow (on the myths and facts of cohabitation) and What's Reel (a movie based approach to the myths and facts of marriage). 



Begin forwarded message:

From: Kay Reed <>
Date: August 16, 2011 8:01:17 AM PDT
Subject: Study: Are Cohabiting Parents Bad For Kids?

I found the following story on the NPR iPhone App:

Study: Are Cohabiting Parents Bad For Kids?
by Jennifer Ludden

- August 16, 2011

As more and more U.S. couples decide to have children without first getting married, a group of 18 family scholars is sounding an alarm about the impact this may have on those children.

In a new report out on Tuesday, they say research shows the children of cohabiting parents are at risk for a broad range of problems, from trouble in school to psychological stress, physical abuse and poverty.

The study is put out by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, groups whose missions include strengthening marriage and family life. It suggests a shift in focus is needed away from the children of divorce, which has long been a preoccupying concern for such scholars.

Brad Wilcox, a report co-author and head of the National Marriage Project, says divorce rates have steadily dropped since their peak in 1979-80, while rates of out-of-wedlock childbearing have soared. Forty-one percent of all births are now to unwed mothers, many of them living with — but not married to — the child's father.

Wilcox notes that the iconic 1979 movie of the divorce revolution, Kramer vs. Kramer, is no longer emblematic of the drama facing families today.

"It'd be Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Johnson and Nelson," he says with a small laugh. "We're moving into a pattern where we're seeing more instability, more adults moving in and out of the household in this relationship carousel."

Wilcox says the children of the divorce revolution grew up to be understandably gun-shy about marriage. Many are putting it off, even after they have kids. But research shows such couples are twice as likely to split.

"Ironically," he says, "they're likely to experience even more instability than they would [have] if they had taken the time and effort to move forward slowly and get married before starting a family."

In fact, another recent study finds that a quarter of American women with multiple children conceived them with more than one man. Psychologist John Gottman, a co-author of Tuesday's report, says that kind of instability can have a negative impact on kids in all kinds of ways.

"Both in externalizing disorders, more aggression," Gottman says, "and internalizing disorders, more depression. Children of cohabiting couples are at greater risk than children of married couples."

This is true, says marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, "but the question is why it's true."

Coontz teaches family studies at Evergreen State College in Washington state and is research director for the Council on Contemporary Families. She says people are more likely to get married if they have the things that make a union strong: mutual respect, problem-solving skills and — especially — economic security.

That's something many working-class men have lost as wages stagnated in recent decades. In fact, Coontz notes that a huge marriage gap has emerged, with lower-income Americans much less likely to wed.

"Cohabitation and out-of-wedlock childbearing is as much a symptom of the instability of children's lives as it is a cause of it," Coontz says. Coontz worries that too many Americans who break up with a partner rush into another relationship, thinking this will provide more stability for their children. As Tuesday's report notes, the appearance of a new caregiver can also be traumatic for children, many of whom appear to fare better with a loving single parent.

To be sure, not all marriages are good, and some cohabiting couples create perfectly healthy families. But psychologist Gottman says for whatever reason — and it's a mystery to researchers — cohabiting partners are not as stable in the U.S. as in some European countries, where family-building outside marriage is more of a norm.

For Americans, Gottman says the evidence for marriage is strong. The institution's wide-ranging benefits — better health, longevity, greater wealth — are not conferred on those who cohabit.

"Because," he says, "they're basically saying, 'If you get into trouble, baby, you're on your own; I'm not there for you.' I think that's the big problem."

Gottman's advice, even if you decide not to tie the knot: pick a partner carefully, then hang in there — for better, or worse. [Copyright 2011 National Public Radio]

To learn more about the NPR iPhone app, go to


Serving Marriages Retreat

From: Keith Kilgore

Date: Aug 7, 2011 3:25:25 PM

Subject: Serving Marriages Retreat



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Press Release

Serving Marriages, Inc.
For those who have not yet registered for the retreat, we are looking forward to an opportunity to serve you and your spouse for a weekend!  Might you be looking for an opportunity for a restful weekend, away from the bills, the laundary, the job, th yardwork, the kids...want a weekend break  At the same time, are you open to an opportunity for your marriage to go the next level?


Let us serve you for a weekend!  Let us help you Stop the World for a weekend, get the rest you desire, and help you honor your spouse, your marraige, your legacy!! 


The retreat will soon be here, all of our prior retreats have sold out, and room availability has become limited.  Register now by clicking on the link below and we look forward to serving you.  And, please pass the word to your friends and family about the retreat.


What: Courageous Marriage RetreatMarch 08 Couple
                 Courage  --  Honor  --  Legacy
When:  September 30th - October 2nd, 2011
Who:  Forever Families' Jeff and Debby McElroy, Michael O'Brien, and the premier of Courageous!
Where:  WinShape Retreat, near Rome, GA
Why:  To renew, enrich, preserve, or even transform your marriage!  Need Rest? Care? Encouragement? Hope? Whether your marriage is strong or struggling?  Need to rejuvenate?  Build trust?  Need time away from the job?  From the kids?  From housework?  From Life?  Need to Stop The World?
Cost:  $399 per couple (includes lodging, meals, programming)
Download/print retreat brochure by clicking here

Register on-line by clicking here

For questions or to set up a payment plan, contact Keith at or Nathan at 


 Jeff and Debby will join us once again to lead us through the weekend.  Throughout the weekend, Jeff and Debby will use their award-winning dramas and comedies to allow you to see the teaching anchored in everyday life.  There will be time to share with your spouse, time for making memories, time to experience something you'll refer back to for years as a landmark weekend in your marriage. 

Serving Marriages is honored to have as our special guest, singer and songwriter Michael O'Brien!  Michael's testimony and music pay tribute to what our retreat is all about.



As an added bonus, Courageous, the next movie from the creators of FireProof, premiers nationwide September 30th.  Serving Marriages has received special permission to premier Courageous at WinShape!  See this great movie about how honor starts at home! 


COURAGEOUS Movie Trailer
COURAGEOUS Movie Trailer



Serving Marriages holds all of our retreats at WinShape Retreat.  WinShape is a safe haven for couples to rekindle passion, grow stronger, and be restored.  It's a place to put the world on hold.  A place to be transformed.  WinShape's setting is sequestered from the outside world for a season of focus, refreshment, and restoration. The Retreat's setting allows for meaningful communication, truth-based teaching, experiential learning (which for your marriage can be a time to be alone together walking, hiking, talking). Sitting atop 40 acres of unspoiled mountain wilderness, serenely nestled within a national wildlife refuge in beautiful Rome, Georgia, WinShape is renown for its distinguished grace-based hospitality. Take a brief video tour of WinShape by clicking HERE


About Serving Marriages, Inc.
Serving Marriages exists to align couples with resources, training, and services, in a retreat environment, for spouses to rest and rejuvenate, learn truth, relate and build trust, whether a marriage is strong or struggling.

Foundational Principals
  • Giving - our first priority is to give of ourselves, our time, and our resources
  • Serving - we seek to serve rather than be served
  • Unifying - we desire ever increasing levels of unity, collaboration, and fellowship
  • Measuring - we desire accountability for measurable results  
Investing in Serving Marriages

We invite you to partner with us to serve marriages, to allow for the preserving, renewing, enriching, and even transforming of marriages, so that both spouses experience the fullness of the institution of marriage as designed by God, and in turn, model their healthy marriage to their children, and in turn, influence society, all for the Glory of God.


Your financial partnership will indeed allow for the reaching of more marriages and to further the marriage movement!  The testimonies on our website provide a small insight into the personal effectiveness that your investment will have on spouses, their marriages, and their children!


We are pleased to let you know that all investment monies received go directly to help marriages. Serving Marriages is an all volunteer ministry; all administrative costs of the organization are borne by the ministry's stewards.

To invest in marriages and families, click here!
Serving Marriages, Inc.
Keith Kilgore
Serving Marriages, Inc.
Nathan Vaughn
Serving Marriages, Inc. | 3168 Bay View Drive | Lake Spivey | GA | 30236-4140

Coaching Newsletter: July/August 2011

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <>
Date: Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM
Subject: Coaching Newsletter: July/August 2011

1270 Main Street

Green Bay, WI 54203





- Coaching 101
- Got an hour? Try a Webinar!
- The Three Ways to Avoid any Argument
- The Power of Active Listening.
- Start with an Attitude Adjustment

The Three Ways to Avoid any Argument
August 18, 2011
7:00 p.m. CST/ 8:00 p.m. EST


The Six Parts of Intimacy
August 23, 2011

Noon CST/ 1:00 p.m. EST


Smart Relationship Principles
September 7, 2011
9:00 a.m. EST/ 10:00 a.m. EST


The Three Ways to Avoid any Argument
September 22, 2011
7:00 p.m. CST/ 8:00 p.m. EST


The Power of Listening
September 27, 2011
7:00 p.m. CST/ 8:00 p.m. EST

Want to get a jumpstart on your relationship education?

Start with an
Attitude Adjustment

- Make a commitment to grow both as individuals and as a couple.

- Remember, when one wins and one loses, both lose.

- The goal of conflict resolution is not to win, but to reach a mutually agreeable solution.

- Take the time to identify a specific issue you want to resolve.

- Focus only on one issue at a time.

- Be honest. Say “yes” when you mean yes.  Say “no” when you mean no.

- Stay in the present. Look toward the future. The past is past.

- Take a ‘Time Out' if things are getting heated.

- Try to keep a sense of humor.

- Respect and value both yourself and your partner.


“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” —William James

We often overlook the impact of having strong, healthy relationships. When your relationships are solid and supportive, the challenges of life are easier to handle. And the joys are that much more enjoyable!

Most of us understand that great relationships usually do not just happen. We know that marriages and parenting, for example, take real work and dedication. And yet we are rarely taught the essential skills that are the foundation of truly successful personal relationships.

Which is where coaching comes in. An experienced coach begins with a broader, objective vision to help you see where you are and where you want to take your relationship. Your coach will then help you develop the skills, tools and strategies to get there.

Coaching is action-oriented. thinkmarriage coaching is strength-focused and skill-based. What does that mean?  It means that with your own personal coach, you will have a support system for change that can help you overcome even the most long-standing challenges. And with proven research-based skills and a clear direction, you can make profound shifts allowing you to develop, enrich and maintain successful and rewarding relationships.
Coaching provides greater focus, awareness, choice, support and accountability to get you where you want to go…both as an individual, and as a couple.

Try it on for size! Whether you are Married, Engaged, or Single, contact us for a FREE 30-minute consultation to see if Relationship Coaching is a good fit for you.

 Got an an hour?

Try a webinar


FINALLY! A convenient and affordable way to improve your relationship skills from the comfort and privacy of your own home or office….in just one hour!

A webinar is a web seminar directed by a certified relationship educator or coach.  Each webinar covers a single topic of interest and provides you with the proven take-away skills and strategies that you can begin using immediately.  A great way to jump-start on your skill-based relationship education!

To attend a webinar all that you need is a computer with an Internet connection. Once you have registered, you will receive a link via email.  By clicking on that link you can enter the webinar room and attend the seminar at the specified date and time.

Please see the sidebar for some of our upcoming webinars on our most requested topics.

Or visit our website calendar for a complete listing of scheduled events. Any questions? Our Coaching Director, Debra Bosacki will be more than happy to help. Email her at:

If you would like to be included in future webinar updates, send your request to:

Three Ways to Avoid any Argument

 "Love is saying 'I feel differently, instead of 'You're wrong.'"

Are you tired of arguing with your spouse over the same issues all of the time? Do you seem to never be able to find a resolution to these arguments?  

There are three very effective and useful skills that will help to avoid these arguments in the first place and/or solve them before they escalate. By learning how to speak specifically and assertively and to listen for the real issue, you can put an end to the “tug-of-war” forever!

Join us for this transforming webinar and learn:

  • How to find an effective resolution when disagreements arise.
  • How to stop the “tug-of-war” and find mutually satisfying solutions
  • How to get what you both want and need!

Coach Julie Duffy will be happy to answer any questions you may have.  You may contact her at (920) 750-0838 or


The Power of Active Listening

RULE #1: "The first duty of love is to listen" – Paul Tillich

Are you tuning each other out? Do you feel like you are talking and no one is listening?

How many times have you said: “But that’s not what I meant!”

Effective communication is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. And active listening is the cornerstone of communication. Unlike hearing, attentive listening is a skill. Thankfully, it is a very learnable skill.

In the “The Power of Listening” coach-led webinar, you will discover how to connect with a new found clarity that leads to openness, authenticity and intimacy by learning:

  • How “active” listening removes the barriers that often lead to misunderstanding.
  • Learn how active listening can make conflict disappear.
  • How our individual perceptions and assumptions can filter what we hear.
  • How to ensure that that what you mean to say is both heard and understood.

Join us on Facebook and Twitter

We'd love to hear what you have to say!  Become a friend or fan;  follow us, tweet or blog.


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Fulfill your CE Ethics requirement with this new, exciting workshop on Empathy and Ethical Dilemmas, 8/17


From: Rob Scuka <>

Subject: Fulfill your CE Ethics requirement with this new, exciting workshop on Empathy and Ethical Dilemmas

Date: August 1, 2011 4:29:00 PM EDT


Please forward this announcement to any list serves you may be on.

NIRE is excited to offer this new ethics workshop by Mary Ortwein, MS, LMFT

Empathy and Ethical Dilemmas: Honing A Therapist's Basic Tool

Wednesday, August 17, 2011, 9:00 a.m. - 12:15 p.m.

Location: NIRE, 4400 East-West Highway #28, Bethesda, MD 2814

CE Credit: 3 CE Credit hours

Recently The Networker conducted a survey to identify the most influential therapist of the 20th century.  Carl Rogers was chosen.  Surprised?  You don't find many strictly Client-Centered CE Workshops or programs of study in graduate schools. He's not the talk around therapist gatherings that EFT or CBT or Mindfulness is. But Rogers' empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard remain as core characteristics of the successful therapist. How does a therapist's empathy potentially create or complicate ethical dilemmas?  How might it help resolve them?  How might a therapist use empathy to work through counter-transference issues?

The workshop will be a combination of lecture, discussion, and skills training.  After a brief review of empathy as concept and therapist skill, participants will examine situations where therapist empathy, if unexamined, can create slippery slope situations where boundary violations may occur.  Then participants will learn, observe, and practice two skills based on empathy, to resolve such situations.  Troubleshooting uses empathy combined with effective self-expression of the therapist to maintain boundaries in troublesome situations.  Empathic Role-Taking enables a therapist to self-examine (and possibly work through) once counter-transference issues surface with a client.

This workshop is for psychologists, marriage and family therapists, social workers, professional counselors, pastoral counselors, or other mental health providers will explore how therapist empathy can create, complicate, and help resolve potential ethical dilemmas. Whether you work with individual adults, with children, with families, or with couples, this workshop will provide you with interesting information and take-home skills.

At the conclusion of the workshop, participants will be able to:

1.  Identify how unexamined empathy can create potential ethical boundary violations, and how examined empathy can help resolve them.
2.  Use Troubleshooting, a specific method of therapist empathy within the Relationship Enhancement Model, to resolve slippery slope situations without bending ethical principles.
3.  Use empathic role taking for self-examination when a therapist identifies counter-transference issues with a client.

Mary Ortwein, MS, LMFT, is Executive Director of IDEALS of Kentucky. A frequent national presenter of workshops on marriage and family therapy, the Relationship Enhancement and Filial models, and ethics, Mary combines information, practice, and processing to create interesting and thought-provoking CE workshops. Mary is co-author with Bernard Guerney, Jr., of the Mastering the Mysteries of Love Relationship Enhancement series of materials and author of Mastering the Magic of Play. She regularly sees and helps people work through ethical dilemmas.

CE Information

IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists.  IDEALS maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the Association for Play Therapy to offer continuing education programs specific to play therapy. APT Approved Provider 95-009.

IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the National Board of Certified Counselors to offer continuing education for National Certified Counselors. NBCC provider #5560.

IDEALS/NIRE is approved by the Maryland State Board of Social Work Examiners to offer Category I continuing education programs for social workers.

IDEALS/NIRE maintains responsibility for the program and adhering to the appropriate guidelines required by the respective organizations.

Participants receive 3 CE credits for completing this workshop.

Registration Information

Cost: $65 for the 3 hour workshop

To register, please call NIRE at 301-986-1479, send your Registration Form (below) by fax to 301-680-3756, or mail your Registration Form and check to:
IDEALS/NIRE, Administrative Office, 12500 Blake Road, Silver Spring, MD 20904-2056.

Registration Form

Name: ____________________________________________________________________

Highest Degree: ____________ Field/Credentials: _________________________________

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Or, please charge my: __ VISA  __ MasterCard $_______________.

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CAUTION: Do not send credit card information by email.

News and Notes from NCFMR












---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <>
Date: Fri, Jul 29, 2011 at 11:05 AM
Subject: News and Notes

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News and Notes

July 2011

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The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to News and Notes, our monthly electronic newsletter. News and Notes aims to keep you informed about the activities of the NCFMR. We will also announce funding and research opportunities, provide registration details for conferences and workshops, and keep you updated on current research findings.



What's New at the NCFMR...


NCFMR Counting Couples, Counting Families 2011 Research Conference Attracts National Audience


The NCFMR convened their annual
Gathering in atrium at conference

Conference attendees view research posters during poster session.

research conference on July 19 and 20 in Washington, DC with more than 115 nationally-recognized scholars, researchers, data providers, and policy experts in attendance. The group gathered for a two-day conference to discuss cutting-edge topics in family measurement. Building on the foundation established by the previous Counting Couples conferences, presenters discussed the availability and quality of existing family measures in federal data and assessed how these measures might be modified or expanded in future data collection efforts.

Dividing Line


Cabrera and Fagan Receive NCFMR External Grants Award 

Fathers and Fathering


The NCFMR recently funded the research proposal of Natasha J. Cabrera, University of Maryland, and Jay Fagan, Temple University, titled Parenting and Coparenting. This is the fifth Fathers and Fathering external grant awarded this year. The proposals support innovative research that contributes to theoretical, conceptual, or methodological developments about fathers and fathering. 

Dividing Line 


The following updates may be viewed on the NCFMR website.


Just Released Data Resources


Data Points

Tables and figures integrating family statistics from leading published studies.


Measures Snapshots on Incarceration  

We recently added bibliographies to our detailed summaries of incarceration measures available in large national data sets.


Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing the latest statistics on U.S. Families.

Conference Posters

Posters written and designed by NCFMR staff, faculty, affiliates, and students for conferences, symposia, and annual meetings.


Counting Couples, Counting Families 2011 Research Conference  


To view a poster, click on the teal highlighted name.


  Dividing Line


NCFMR in the News


Co-Director Brown Finds Living Apart for Marrieds Over 50 is Likely to Increase

AARP Bulletin



NCFMR Research Finds Many Seniors are Single and Available






Payne Research Finds Women Leaving the Parental Home More Likely to "Boomerang" than Men 


Leaving the parental home is an important marker of adulthood. Research generated by NCFMR Social Science Data Analyst Krista K. Payne finds similar percentages of young men and young women (47% and 46%, respectively) leave the parental home and do not return by age 24. While women are more likely to" boomerang" (move out and return) (46% vs. 41%), men are more likely to have not yet moved out (12% vs. 9%). For more information on residential transitions during young adulthood (ages 18-24), view the latest NCFMR Family Profile, On the Road to Adulthood: Leaving the Parental Home.  


Residential Transitions in Young Adulthood (18-24) by Gender 

Bar Graph

Source: National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1997 (NLSY97), rounds 7-19: 2003-2009 (weighted). U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics, NCFMR analyses of valid cases.



Upcoming Events




August 2011

NCFMR Pilot Data Conference

Married and Cohabiting Couples

Date: August 3-4

View Awardees 


Grants Available from Administration for Children and Families (ACF)

Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood

Date Due: August 28

Link to ACF Funding Opportunity Announcements 



September 2011

Call for Proposed Supplemental Modules

2012 National Health and Aging Trends Study (NHATS)

Date Due: September 15

For details, contact:



Call for Submissions -- NCFR Report

Winter 2011: LGBT Families

Date Due: September 21

Contact the editor to obtain submission guidelines 



October 2011

Call for Manuscripts -- Special Family Science Review Issue

Teaching about Families: Current Reflections on Our Journeys in Family Science Educators

Date Due: October 1

For more information, visit: 


Call for Submissions -- Family Relations

Multi-Ethnicity and Multi-Ethnic Families

Date Due: October 1

Link to the NCFR Submit to FR webpage  


Call for Papers -- Eastern Sociological Society

Storied Lives: Culture, Structure, and Narrative

Date Due: October 15

Link to Eastern Sociological Society  




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