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January 21, 2013
Recapturing That "New Love" Feeling
by Barbara Rainey
Marriages begin in what I call the "new love" season of a relationship. Couples in this season are often so focused on pleasing each other that they devise ingenious means of capturing each other's attention and create endless ways to say "I love you." Their courtship is marked with creative notes and gifts, interesting dates, surprise parties, and much more. But at some point complacency sets in to a relationship, and creativity often goes out the window--or is refocused toward the children.
In an article titled "God Is Not Boring," John Piper suggests that using our God-given imagination is a Christian duty. He writes, "Jesus said, 'Whatever you wish that others would do to you do also to them' (Matthew 7:12). We must imagine ourselves in their place and imagine what we would like done to us. Compassionate, sympathetic, helpful love hangs much on the imagination of the lover."
The application for rekindling romance in marriage is this: Express your love to him in the same way you want him to express it to you. Small actions of creativity can include phone calls, e-mails, and little notes that express your gratitude and praise for who he is and what he does. Whisper in his ear, telling him you enjoyed your most recent lovemaking; that will make him proud to be your man. Thank him verbally for his manly qualities that you love--his strength, his work, his leadership, his faithfulness, his way of serving you and your children.
Then, there are those medium-level creative touches that contribute more directly to a romantic rendezvous. Buy candles and romantic music for your bedroom. Replace your worn-out panties and bras with something new and interesting. Demonstrate greater affection for him by giving him a back rub or more passionate kisses or some other affectionate means of extra attention.
Ultimately the best creativity is your imaginative new ways to give yourself to your husband sexually. Depending on your background and your husband's level of interest in trying new things, this could require a great amount of risk for you. The only guidelines for your creativity are that it be pleasing to your husband, not offensive to either of you, and within the boundaries of Scripture. Plan a special love feast for his birthday; find different places to enjoy love; dream up different things to wear ... or not wear.
In the end, renewing romance in your marriage means taking the time to work on your relationship by being willing to "love your neighbor as yourself"--and your nearest neighbor in this case just happens to be your husband.
With Valentine's Day coming up, we're gathering feedback from readers on "My Best Ideas for Valentine's Day Romance." What creative things have you done for your spouse on Valentine's Day? What has your spouse done for you? Click here to e-mail your ideas, and we'll use them in an upcoming edition of Marriage Memo.
Excerpted from Rekindling the Romance. Copyright ©2004 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Uses by permission of Thomas Nelson Publishers. All rights reserved.
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