Make every day Valentine's Day- Tips from Relationship Skills Center

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Carolyn Rich Curtis <info@skills4us.org>
Date: Tue, Feb 12, 2013 at 12:03 PM
Subject: Make every day Valentine's Day- Tips from Relationship Skills Center
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


Valentine's Day is a one date event.  Showing your partner that you care is on-going.  Here are some small ideas from Diane Gottsman that will make your love soar.  - Carolyn
  1. Hold hands: locked hands, fingers intertwined, while sitting across the table or walking side by side.   
  2. Look her in the eyes and gently kiss her on the forehead: a simple sign of subtle passion, adoration or simple affection. 
  3. Smile when he walks through the door: rather than asking, "Do you know what time it is?" or, "Did you pick up the dry cleaning", try a smile and a six second hug instead.
  4. Pour her a glass of wine and don't let her in the kitchen until dinner is served: Come home early and surprise your wife with her favorite meal.   
  5. Pay attention to special holidays and anniversaries: don't assume he won't want a present or special card. Just because he always says, "I don't need anything" doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a sweet present from the one he loves.  
  6. Sit next to her, without complaining, while she watches her favorite show: okay, you can read or play "Words with Friends," but the fact that you are next to her is a significant plus.   
  7. Make a concerted effort to really listen: Nod and respond when she tells you about her day and the idiosyncrasies of her office mates whom you don't know. Ask questions and stay alert.   
  8. Leave a love note on his car: make sure and sign your name!  
  9. Bring her coffee (or juice) without being asked: every morning, forever, always and not just once. 
  10. Sit with her in the emergency room when your son has an allergy attack: this is different than saying, "Do you want to go, or do you want me to go?" Do it together and share the pain.   
  11. Paint her toes: you'll make a mess, but so what? A real man will do some pretty frilly stuff to show his wife that he loves her!   
  12. Surprise her by filling her tank with gas and get her car washed without her knowledge.
  13. Offer her a back rub without "benefits:" remember that this time it's about her, not you!   
  14. Warm the car up on a chilly day and have a "to go" cup with his favorite hot beverage waiting: buy him a special travel mug especially for the morning commute.  
  15. Get the kids ready for school and cook or take them to breakfast so she can sleep in: bring back her favorite breakfast food.   
  16. Have a tailgate party in the middle of your living room: serve his favorite foods and plan it around his favorite sporting event. Sit with him and laugh while he yells and curses at the television.   

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This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by info@skills4us.org |  
Relationship Skills Center | 9719 Lincoln Village Dr. | Suite 503 | Sacramento | CA | 95827

5 Ways to Pump Up Your Resiliency

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Carolyn Rich Curtis <info@skillscenter.org>
Date: Wed, Feb 6, 2013 at 12:02 PM
Subject: 5 Ways to Pump Up Your Resiliency
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


Wondering how you can become more resilient?  When times get tough, it can be challenging to bounce back.  
 

Rate yourself from 1 to 5 (1 = strongly disagree; 5 = strongly agree):

 

  • I'm usually optimistic. I see difficulties as temporary and expect to overcome them.
  • Feelings of anger, loss and discouragement don't last long.
  • I can tolerate high levels of ambiguity and uncertainty about situations.
  • I adapt quickly to new developments. I'm curious. I ask questions.
  • I'm playful. I find the humor in rough situations, and can laugh at myself.
  • I learn valuable lessons from my experiences and from the experiences of others.
  • I'm good at solving problems. I'm good at making things work well.
  • I'm strong and durable. I hold up well during tough times.
  • I've converted misfortune into good luck and found benefits in bad experiences.

Less than 20: Low Resilience - You may have trouble handling pressure or setbacks, and may feel deeply hurt by any criticism. When things don't go well, you may feel helpless and without hope. Consider seeking some professional counsel or support in developing your resiliency skills. Connect with others who share your developmental goals.

 

20-30: Some Resilience - You have some valuable pro-resiliency skills, but also plenty of room for improvement. Strive to strengthen the characteristics you already have and to cultivate the characteristics you lack. You may also wish to seek some outside coaching or support.

 

30-35: Adequate Resilience - You are a self-motivated learner who recovers well from most challenges. Learning more about resilience, and consciously building your resiliency skills, will empower you to find more joy in life, even in the face of adversity.

 

35-45: Highly Resilient - You bounce back well from life's setbacks and can thrive even under pressure. You could be of service to others who are trying to cope better with adversity.

 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

No. 1: Pump Up Your Positivity

Resilient people are characterized by an ability to experience both negative and positive emotions even in difficult or painful situations. They mourn losses and endure frustrations, but they also find redeeming potential or value in most challenges.  Resilient people tend to find some silver lining in even the worst of circumstances.

 

 

No 2: Live to Learn

The more you can leverage challenges as opportunities to grow and evolve, the more resilient you are likely to be. "Pain comes to all of us in life," says David Sabine, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Wichita Falls, Texas. "What I see resilient people do is immediately look at the problem and say, 'What's the solution to that? What is this trying to teach me?' Looking at pain as an opportunity to learn and problem-solve - and building the confidence and the habit of moving toward the pain instead of running from it - goes a long way in terms of building resiliency."

 

 

No. 3: Open Your Heart

Being of service to others is a powerful way of stoking resilience. Acts of kindness, and the serotonin boosts that accompany them, have a cumulative effect. "Once you've added these things to your life in a consistent way, the benefits become exponential, so that in times of difficulty you've got this well of resiliency to draw upon," says Sabine.  When adversity strikes, gratitude for the things that are going right in your life helps put tragedy in perspective. 

 

 

No. 4: Take Care of Yourself

Good health - and a regular routine of healthy habits - are foundational to both mental and emotional resilience. Daily habits count: When you're caught up on sleep, eating well and keeping stress levels low, you'll be less fragile and less likely to fall into unhealthy patterns. Mental breaks and relaxation also help keep stress chemicals at bay, reducing the likelihood of feeling, or becoming, overwhelmed and reactive. Two other key self-care factors that help nurture resilience: Spending time outdoors and surrounding yourself with people you enjoy.

 

 

No. 5: Hang on to Humor

Laughing in the face of adversity can be profoundly pain relieving, for both the body and mind.

"Playful humor enhances survival for many reasons," writes resiliency authority Al Siebert in The Survivor Personality (Perigee Books, 2010). For one thing, he notes, "Laughing reduces tension to more moderate levels." 

 

© Copyright 2005 Practical Psychology Press, adapted from Chapter 2 in The Resiliency Advantage (Berrett-Koehler) by Al Siebert, PhD.

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This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by info@skillscenter.org |  
Relationship Skills Center | 9719 Lincoln Village Dr. | Suite 503 | Sacramento | CA | 95827

National Healthy Marriage Resource Center - February 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: National Healthy Marriage Resource Center <info@healthymarriageinfo.org>
Date: Tue, Feb 5, 2013 at 11:04 AM
Subject: National Healthy Marriage Resource Center - February 2013
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


 

NHRMC logo 
  News Resource Alerts
 
Educators Research & Policy For The Media

NHMRC Named in GoodTherapy.org’s Top 10 List

One of the top therapist directories on the web, GoodTherapy.org, has named both healthymarriageinfo.org and Twoofus.org to their top 10 list of best resources on the web for 2012 related to marriage and couples counseling to help people better understand and cope with relationship issues. The criteria used to make the selection included: quality and depth of content, presentation, and functionality. Read more.

2013 Hispanic Healthy Marriage Webinar Series

Webinar resources from Andrew Behnke, Ph.D., webinar, Improving the Lives of Latino Families through Effective Practice and Research.

Recursos en Español

New Tip Sheet for Working with First Responders

First responders (an elite group including police officers/fire fighters/paramedics) are often regarded as “heroes” who are passionate about their public service roles, and who provide invaluable and life-saving services to the community. However, along with demanding work schedules, some of the core skills that make first responders successful in their job can also create challenges in maintaining a healthy relationship with partners and family members.

This tip sheet provides valuable tips for practitioners to successfully deliver MRE services to first responders.

Putting Youth Relationship Education on the Child Welfare Agenda: Findings from a Research and Evaluation Review

This document published by Child Trends provides a model of change and reviews the research and evaluation evidence on relationship education for foster care youth. In so doing it discusses the needs of disadvantaged young people around intimate partner relationships; summarizes research on the implications of relationships for child development; identifies common ground and also gaps in the research; and makes recommendations about opportunities to further improve relationship skills among these disadvantaged youth.

The State of our Unions 2012: The President's Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent

This joint annual publication of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values includes the essay, Marriage and Relationship Education: A promising strategy for strengthening low-income, vulnerable families.

By Theodora Ooms, National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, and Alan J. Hawkins, Brigham Young University.

2013 Tax Credit Outreach Community Tool Kit

Your efforts to inform low- and moderate- income working families about the Earned Income Credit (EIC) are vital to ensuring that millions of such families do not miss out on this valuable federal tax credit during these difficult economic conditions. Many low-wage tax filers in 2013 may be eligible for an EIC worth up to $5,891. The boost provided by the EIC and other valuable federal tax credits provide many working families the opportunity to pay their household bills and meet their children’s needs even through salary cutbacks or periods of unemployment. www.eitcoutreach.org.

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Resources in Espanol

HealthyMarriageInfo.org/
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Healthy Marriage Game Idea

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Aaron Larson via LinkedIn <member@linkedin.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 5, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Subject: Healthy Marriage Game Idea
To: Bill Coffin <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


LinkedIn

Aaron Larson has sent you a message.

Date: 2/05/2013

Subject: Healthy Marriage Game Idea

Could you send this announcement to anyone who might be able to help us with this project. Thanks!!!, Aaron

The National Healthy Marriage Institute is looking for someone to narrate the audio version of an online game you can play in real life. The object of the game is to increase the flames of passion and desire in a couples marriage by leading them on expeditions into the forest of emotional and physical intimacy. The game is called OurLoveFire.com

You can watch a short video that describes the game and includes brief clips from the game itself at http://ourlovefire.blogspot.com/p/overview-of-game_28.html Or if you are looking for something fun to do tonight with your spouse you can download the first hour of the game at the same website for free.

If you are interested in getting paid to help narrate the game you can find details about how they are conducting the search for a new voice at http://lovechallengegame.blogspot.com/

The game is based on the booklet they developed, Increase That Lovin' Feelin': A Make It Happen Workbook. They also created some entertaining music videos that teach the principles from the booklet. You can watch the videos at http://www.healthymarriagetips.com/music.htm

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This email was intended for Bill Coffin (Links and Clips has a new home http://www.scoop.it/t/healthy-marriage-links-and-clips). Learn why we included this. © 2013, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA
 

Week of February 1st Insights for Intimacy

From: National Institute of Marriage [mailto:enews=nationalmarriage.com@mail36.us2.mcsv.net] On Behalf Of National Institute of Marriage
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2013 5:05 AM
To: billandpatcoffin@verizon.net
Subject: Week of February 1st Insights for Intimacy

Insights for Intimacy are a weekly insight to help you on your marriage journey.

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National Institute of Marriage

Weekly Insight for Intimacy

Understanding and applying the tenets of personal responsibility is essential to the experience of a safe adult relationship.  The three tenets are the following:  

1.  I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors and beliefs.  

2.  I am not responsible for my spouse’s thoughts, feelings, behaviors and beliefs. 

3.  In relationship we (spouses) influence but do not determine each other’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs.  

Given the above tenets, how are you showing up in marriage?  Is it in line with your understanding of personal integrity?

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Boletín de Febrero de 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: USCCB - Por Tu Matrimonio <portumatrimonio@gmail.com>
Date: 2013/2/1
Subject: Boletín de Febrero de 2013
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


Problemas viendo este correo? Haga clic aquí

1 de febrero de 2013

Queridos Amigas y Amigos:

  

¡Por Tu Matrimonio celebra su III Aniversario en este mes del amor y la amistad! Reafirmamos nuestro compromiso con ustedes de acompañar a matrimonios y parejas en su caminar con mensajes inspiradores, consejos y recursos valiosos.

 

Todos sabemos que el 14 de Febrero es el día del amor y la amistad. Sin embargo, pocos saben que el 10 de Febrero también celebramos el Día Mundial del Matrimonio. No es una coincidencia que la amistad, el amor y el matrimonio se celebren en fechas tan cercanas. Después de todo, un matrimonio sano y feliz siempre nace y se alimenta del amor, y lleva a los esposos a desarrollar una amistad muy profunda.

 

¡Deja que Por Tu Matrimonio te ayude a lograr estos propósitos!

 

  

Este mes nos recuerda que los esposos no sólo debemos ser compañeros de vida, amantes y aliados en la paternidad, sino que también debemos ser verdaderos amigos.

Oct.PTM

¿Cómo sé si lo que siento es amor?

Toda relación de pareja pasa por distintas etapas hasta conquistar, algunas veces, el amor verdadero.

 

PTM.3.12.3

Convertirse en compañeros para siempre

El Matrimonio requiere de un compromiso que debe ser renovado y nutrido por la fuente misma del Amor: Dios.

 

PTMAug.1

Alimentando la pasión y el amor 

Fomentar la intimidad es crear un ámbito de convivencia donde cada cual pueda ser uno mismo y expresar sus sentimientos.

 

 

ptm.feb2

Elementos para un matrimonio feliz

Las encuestas y la doctrina de la Iglesia demuestran que el amor matrimonial se basa en la fe y compromiso que un cónyuge profesa por el otro.

 

 

NOTICIAS y ARTICULOS

  

La relación entre fe y matrimonio

El Papa Benedicto XVI sostuvo ante el Tribunal de la Rota Romana que "la fe hace crecer y fructificar el amor de los esposos, dando espacio a la presencia del Dios Trino y haciendo que la misma vida conyugal sea 'alegre noticia' ante mundo".

BLOG

 

Lo que si perdura siempre es el envolvimiento de ambos miembros de la pareja en la relación matrimonial.

PRESENTACIÓN:  La pareja feliz 

¿Cómo sabes si estas escogiendo bien a tu pareja? 

¡Descubre los secretos de una pareja feliz!

Find us on Facebook

 Visita nuestra página de Facebook  

Sigue en contacto con nosotros en Facebook para formar matrimonios sanos y felices, ¡Matrimonios que inspiren!

www.portumatrimonio.org  

 

Sugerencias: Por favor envíen sus comentarios y sugerencias a portumatrimonio@gmail.com 

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Fwd:National Center for Family & Marriage Research News and Notes - January 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <ncfmr@bgsu.edu>
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2013 at 10:25 AM
Subject: News and Notes - January 2013
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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Twitter Logo
NCFMR Logo
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News and Notes

January 2013 

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Welcome

 

The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to our monthly electronic newsletter News and Notes. 

 

News and Notes aims to inform you about the activities of the NCFMR. We will update you on current research findings, announce research opportunities, and provide registration details for upcoming conferences and workshops.


Unintended Births Highest Among Single Mothers 

 

Intendedness of births varies by the union status of mothers. Births to married mothers are most likely to be reported as wanted (76%) compared with births to cohabiting (49%) and single mothers (30%).

  • Seriously mistimed births are more prevalent among unmarried mothers with 21% of births to cohabiting and 34% of births to single women versus 6% among married mothers.
  • Unwanted births are less common, ranging from 8% among married mothers to 28% among single mothers. 

Intendedness by Union Status of Mother, 2000-2010

Birth Intentions

Source: NSFG 2006-10 Pregnancy Data Files

What's New at the NCFMR...

 

Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing and analyzing nationally representative data with the goal to provide the latest analysis of U.S. families.    

  

Working Paper Series
    

A series of working papers written by faculty affiliates, researchers, and advanced graduate students examining family structure topics of interest to family scholars, policy makers, and practitioners.

 
  • Kristin Turney & Christopher Wildeman 
  • Originally published as 
  • Redefining Relationships: Countervailing Consequences of Paternal Incarceration for Parenting
    (WP-12-06) 

The Data Source

Documents describing newly released data sets of interest to the family research community.
 

   

NCFMR in the News
Bloomberg Just Married SIgn For a full list of NCFMR in the News items and for media links to each item, visit the NCFMR in the News webpage.

  • Sociologists Halpern-Meekin, Manning, Giordano, and Longmore Examine 'Relationship Churning'
  • Manning, Smock, and Porter on Money and Marriage
  • Brown and Lin Discuss Boomers with Host Steve Kendall
  • Kei Nomaguchi on "The Almost Perfect Mom"
  • Peggy Giordano Comments on Teen Dating Violence 
    • See us on Today and in The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and CNN, to name a few! 
     
    Just Released

    • American Community Survey Briefs
  • Child Trends Release
  • Mathematica Policy Research Final Report  
  • National Center for Children in Poverty (NCCP) Fact Sheet 
  • National Marriage Project together with the Center for Marriage and Families 2012 Report
  • Russell Sage Foundation
  • Springer Father Son
    • Abbie E. Goldberg (Author) 
  • LGBT-Parent Families 
    • Abbie E. Goldberg & Katherine R. Allen (Eds.) 
  • Stanford Center on Poverty and Inequality 
  • Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Online Registry (SAMHSA)
  • The Williams Institute Article

  • Upcoming Events 

     


    February 2013

     

    Call for Papers -- Ohio Association of Gerontology and Education (OAGE) 

    Navigating Life's Changes

    Date Due: February 1

     

    Call for Applications -- Population Reference Bureau (PRB)

    2013-2014 Policy Communication Fellows Board

    Date Due: February 6 

    Link to PRB 

     

    Duvall Family Studies Conference -- University of South Florida (USF) 

    Supporting Family Development

    Dates: February 14-16 

    Link to USF   

     

    Call for Proposals -- Illinois Council on Family Relations (ILCFR) 

    Family Well-being

    Date: February 15

     

    3rd Annual Southeastern Council on Family Relations (SECFR) Conference

    Making a Difference for Families in the Southeast

    Dates: February 21-23

    Link to SECFR 

     

     

    March 2013

     

    Request for Proposals -- The Society for the Study of Human Development (SSHD) 

    Rethinking Developmental Science across the Life-span/Life-course: Theory, Methods, and Applications

    Date Due: March 1

     

    Request for Proposals -- Russell Sage Foundation (RSF)

    The Politics of Inequality

    Date Due: March 1
    Link to RSF

     

    Call for Papers -- The School of Human Sciences at Mississippi State University (MSS)

    Journal of Human Sciences and Extension

    Date Due: March 1

     

    Request for Proposals -- National Council on Family Relations (NCFR) Annual Conference 

    Well-being of Children and Youth in Families and Communities

    Date Due: March 1

    Link to NCFR   

     

    Linking Gerontology and Geriatrics Conference -- Oklahoma State University    

    Dates: March 7-8

    Link to Oklahoma State University  

     

    CFDR Logo Center for Family and Demographic Research (CFDR) Spring Symposium

    Faith and Families: Relational Spirituality & Cutting Edge Science

    Date: March 12

    Link to CFDR  

     

    Call for Proposals -- Theory Construction and Research Methodology (TCRM)

    Date Due: March 15

     

    Call for Applications -- RAND Summer Institute

    Demography, Economics, Psychology, and Epidemiology of Aging

    Date Due: March 22 

     

    2013 Seminar of the International Sociological Association (ISA) Research Committee on Family Research 

    Demographic and Institutional Change in Global Families

    Dates: March 28-30 

    Link to ISA  

     

     

    April 2013

     

    "The State of Our Unions - 2012" - Ethics & Religion Col. #1,640

    January 31, 2013

    Column #1,640

    “The State of Our Unions: 2012”

    (first of a two-part series)

    By Mike McManus

     

                “As recently as the 1980s, only 13 percent of the children of moderately educated mothers were born outside of marriage.  By the late 2000s, this figure rose to a striking 44 percent,” asserts the new annual report, “The State of Our Unions: 2012.”

     

                “The disappearance of marriage in Middle America is tracking with the disappearance of the middle class in some communities, a change that strikes at the heart of the American Dream.”

     

                Yet what we are hearing “even from political and social leaders who think marriage is important is silence, tentativeness, or worse, despair. Even those who believe marriage matters seem to think that nothing can be done.”

     

                Fortunately the authors – W. Bradford Wilcox and Elizabeth Marquardt, who co-direct The National Marriage Project” – “beg to differ.” In fact, they developed 10 recommendations which they boldly call “The President’s Marriage Agenda.” 

     

                “We invite our president and our nation’s leaders to confront the challenge facing marriage in Middle America,”  which they define as the nearly 60 percent of Americans aged 25 to 60 who have a high school, but not a four year college degree, for whom “Marriage is rapidly slipping away.”

     

                Some data on the scale of the problem: Among women under age 30, an alarming 53% of all births “occur outside of marriage.” College-educated women have only a 6% unwed birth rate.  But for high school graduates it’s 44% –  close to 54% for high school dropouts, “with all the attendant problems of economic stress, partner conflict, single parenting and troubled children,” writes Wilcox.

     

                “Why should we care?  Marriage is not merely a private arrangement; it is also a complex social institution. Marriage helps to unite the needs and desires of couples and the children they produce,” which is the best environment for “children to thrive.”  It is also helps adults to succeed and to weather the bad times.

     

                The disappearance of marriage is what lies behind the drop of middle-income households from 61 percent in 1971 to only 51 percent now.  During those years, the percentage of middle-income households headed by married couples dropped “dramatically from 74 to 55 percent.”

     

                The report documents “most children born outside of marriage are born to cohabiting couples,” who are much more likely to break up than married couples. While two out of three couples who marry are cohabiting, of the 7.6 million who were living together in 2011, only 1.5 million married.

     

                Therefore, the report, asks the President “as a cultural leader who can inspire citizens, especially young people” to address marriage restoration. How?

     

    First. “End Marriage Penalties.” Low income people who choose to marry can lose up to 20% of their income, such as Medicaid and food stamps. For example, the report suggest giving low-income couples tax credits for the exact amount of their marriage penalty, measured by a “Marriage Calculator” at the Urban Institute.

     

    Second, “Help Young Men Become Marriageable Men.” Offer apprenticeships so young men can gain work experience and credentials. Teach marriage skills to those in the military and those coming out of prison.

     

    Third, “End  Anonymous Fatherhood.”  If a woman is pregnant from a one-night stand, the father will pay child support. But if she has a sperm donor, he gets off with no obligations.  Britain and Sweden have banned anonymity in sperm donors.  We should too.

     

    Fourth, “Enact the Second Chances Act to Reduce Unnecessary Divorce,” advocated by UMN Professor William Doherty to extend the waiting period for divorce to a year (while 25 states have zero waiting). Require couples with children to take a course on the impact of divorce on kids before filing, plus education about the option of reconciliation that 40% desire.

     

    Fifth, “Encourage state and federal government to invest in and evaluate marriage and relationship education programs.” The Bush Administration provided $100 million a year for Healthy Marriage Initiatives, renewed in 2011 at $75 million.  The report urges 1% or 2% of welfare funds to help at-risk couples to “form and sustain healthy marriages and relationships.” That is reasonable, though initial results are mixed and small.

     

    Sixth, “Engage Hollywood,” urges Obama to launch “a conversation with Hollywood “about marriage and family formation, including constructive critiques and positive ideas for change in media depictions of marriage and fatherhood.” Wilcox says, “Hollywood has a much bigger influence on contemporary families than any public initiative.”

     

      Pat Fagan of the Family Research Council, admires the report, but says “All the government can give is money and justice. it can’t generate love between human beings. The place to go for that is churches and they are failing.”

    Copyright © Michael J. McManus is President of Marriage Savers and a syndicated columnist.

               

     

     

    My new email address is mike@marriagesavers.org

    Michael J. McManus
    syndicated columnist
    "Ethics & Religion"
    President & Co-Chair
    Marriage Savers
    9311 Harrington Dr.
    Potomac, MD 20854
    www.marriagesavers.org
    301-469-5873

    [New post] NYT: ‘From Fighting Same-Sex Marriage to Forging a Pro-Marriage Coalition for All’

    ---------- Forwarded message ----------
    From: Family Scholars <donotreply@wordpress.com>
    Date: Tue, Jan 29, 2013 at 1:10 PM
    Subject: [New post] NYT: ‘From Fighting Same-Sex Marriage to Forging a Pro-Marriage Coalition for All’
    To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


    Elizabeth Marquardt posted: "At the New York Times, Mark Oppenheimer has just published a piece, "From Fighting Same-Sex Marriage to Forging a Pro-Marriage Coalition for All," about the release today of "A Call to a New Conversation on Marriage." The full text of the Call and the lis"

    New post on Family Scholars

    NYT: ‘From Fighting Same-Sex Marriage to Forging a Pro-Marriage Coalition for All’

    by Elizabeth Marquardt

    At the New York Times, Mark Oppenheimer has just published a piece, "From Fighting Same-Sex Marriage to Forging a Pro-Marriage Coalition for All," about the release today of "A Call to a New Conversation on Marriage." The full text of the Call and the list of more than 70 American leaders who are signatories is available at our homepage, AmericanValues.org.

    The document is signed by 74 well-known activists, writers and scholars, on the left and the right, including the conservative John Podhoretz, editor of Commentary magazine; John Corvino, a gay philosopher; Robert N. Bellah, a sociologist; Caitlin Flanagan, a feminism skeptic; and Glenn C. Loury, an economist — once conservative, now less so.

    “While the nation’s attention is riveted by a debate about whether a small proportion of our fellow citizens (gays and lesbians) should be allowed to marry,” the statement reads, “marriage is rapidly dividing along class lines, splitting the country that it used to unite.”

    The signatories are an extraordinary group of people and there's room for many, many more. Join us. Read the Call. Tell your friends. Sign on.

    As the Call concludes:

    ...The conventional wisdom seems to be that marriage – except possibly for gay marriage – is something that can’t be fixed. It’s about personal choices. People are voting with their feet. Nothing can be done to stop or reverse the trend. The only thing we can do is ignore the problem, change the subject, or passively wring our hands in sadness.

    The new conversation rejects this premise entirely. This is an American conversation. Like our forebears, we assume that what happens in the future will be the result of our ideas and choices today. No trend in our society, including the marriage trend, is preordained, or immune from human decision-making, and no problem we face – this is America, after all – is so large that we must become passive and servile in its face.

    The current conversation is at a dead end.

    But the new conversation is just getting started.

    To this new conversation, we pledge our time, money, and best ideas. We are eager to face the challenge. We invite you to join us.

    Elizabeth Marquardt | January 29, 2013 at 12:46 pm | Categories: Marriage | URL: http://wp.me/p2TTtN-3Ca

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    Marriage Memo: 5 Lessons I've Already Learned as a New Husband

    From: FamilyLife [mailto:flannounce@familylife.com]
    Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 12:58 PM
    To: billandpatcoffin@verizon.net
    Subject: Marriage Memo: 5 Lessons I've Already Learned as a New Husband

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    Marriage Memo from FamilyLife

    Marriage Memo from FamilyLife

    January 28, 2013

    5 Lessons I've Already Learned as a New Husband

    by James Lepine

    Just over six months ago, I married the woman I'd been dating off and on since I was 16. I feel like I've learned a lot already, and over the past few months I've jotted down five lessons on what it means to be a good leader and husband to my beautiful wife.

    I hope these lessons will be helpful to you as you seek to represent Jesus to your wife. Here they are, in no particular order:

    1. Be proactive, not reactive.

    What it means: Take the lead. Don't wait for your wife to guide the relationship. Don't react to what she wants--provide a vision for the relationship.

    What it looks like: My wife is a planner. I am a "go with the flow" type of guy. However, part of leading and loving well means that I am proactive about planning the upcoming day and the week with my wife.

    Just this morning, as I was showering before work, I asked EA (Elizabeth Ann) to come into the bathroom. We talked about each night this week--what we had going on and when we would make time to spend together. Six months ago, I would have kept all of that stuff in my head, or maybe I would not have even thought about it (until it was actually happening). Now that I know my wife better, I do my best to be proactive about planning the days and weeks with her.

    2. Talk less, act more.

    What it means: Don't talk about something until you've already done it. The more you talk about something, the less likely it is to happen. Talking about it gives you the illusion of progress.

    What it looks like: Guys like to brag about things. They like to talk about things they either did in the "glory days" or things they will do "some day" when they "finally get the time." Enough. Women don't need more men with big mouths. Just shut up and do it.

    Here's an example: I've made it a goal of mine to always make sure that my wife has gas in her car. And I'm always asking her, "Hey, do you need gas?" or saying, "Let's take your car tonight, so I can put gas in it."

    I am really bad about keeping my wife's car gassed up.

    Here's how I could fix that: When I get home from work, grab her keys, say, "I'll be right back," and then go put gas in her car. Maybe she doesn't need it. Maybe I'll only end up putting two dollars worth in. But you know what? I did it. And I have a feeling that the more I do it, the more it will become a pattern, and the less I will end up talking or even having to think about it. It'll be second nature.

    What are some things that you'd like to do for your wife that you need to just start doing?

    3. Engage, not escape.

    What it means: Engage in meaningful conflict. Seek the good of your wife. Stay focused on the end goal of the argument.

    What it looks like: My wife is an external processor. I am an internal processor. Translation: She likes to talk through things; I like to go away and think for a while, then come back and talk once I've got it all figured out. Just a few months ago, whenever EA and I would get in a disagreement, my tendency would be to shut down and completely lock up emotionally. This would send my wife even further into a tailspin. It was pretty ugly.

    But here's the thing about being married: You have to resolve conflict. You're stuck together. So you've got to figure out how to have conflict. Meaningful conflict. Conflict that benefits your relationship, instead of tearing it apart.

    Now when I get frustrated, instead of locking up, I gently and lovingly express what I'm thinking and feeling to EA and we go from there.

    A big key here is to ask clarifying questions. Make sure you're hearing each other correctly. Really listen to each other. Remember that you're on the same team, and that Satan wants to tear you apart. Be radically committed to keeping him from making that happen.

    4. Create, not complain.

    What it means: If you don't like something, change it. Don't complain about it unless you're willing to do something about it. Create solutions instead of talking about problems.

    What it looks like: Anybody can complain. Anybody can criticize. Anybody can cut something down. The courage lies with the creator.

    Genesis 1:1 says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." The very first verse of the Bible shows God as a creator. We were made in God's image. What does that say about us? Be strong and courageous. Step out on a limb and create something new, rather than "sitting in the seat of mockers" (Psalm 1).

    How does this apply to your marriage? One obvious scenario is when you don't like what your wife has made for dinner.

    Yes, I'm really suggesting this ... why don't you cook dinner for once? Why don't you try your hand in the kitchen? Create a meal. Then sit under your wife's scrutinizing taste buds.

    EA and I generally make brunch together every Saturday. All I'm doing is frying eggs and bacon, but we have a blast (and it's always delicious).

    Why not give it a try?

    5. Be confident ... and humble.

    What it means: Don't be so overtaken by humility that you lack the gumption to lead. And don't be so overtaken with confidence that you become an arrogant jerk. Find the balance and live there.

    What it looks like: Some guys are all humility. They slink back into the shadows and defer to others and never take any credit for the work they do. They're "nice guys." They're tender and kind and loving and smart. Whenever people mention them in a group setting, everyone says, "Aw, what a nice guy he is."

    Other guys are all confidence. They're macho men who eat barbecue, pizza, and burgers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They watch football, go hunting, and carry around boulders on their backs for fun. They're tough and manly and have Sherwood Forest growing on their chests (and backs).

    In a video interview from FamilyLife's new Stepping Up® video series, Pastor Mark Driscoll describes these type of men as the "Tender Man" vs. the "Tough Man." It's essential that you learn to cultivate both sides: the tough and the tender. Stu Weber calls this being a "tender warrior." Strong, but gentle. Tough, but kind. Protector, and lover. Not one or the other, but both!

    How does this apply to your marriage? Mostly in conflict. Men like to fix things. But usually that's not what a woman needs. She needs you to be tender and loving, to hold her and tell her you love her (yes, even if all you want to do is say, "If you would just do it this way everything would work out fine").

    EA and I learned this lesson on Christmas Eve, when I used the word "nagging" to refer to her in a joking context. She didn't think it was funny.

    We talked, and I tried to explain that I didn't mean it the way she had perceived. I was steadfast and adamant about making sure everything was clear.

    But she didn't care about that. She wanted to know that I heard her and loved her, and she wanted me to hold her. And I couldn't get that through my thick brain.

    There's room for both, men. Meet you wife where she is, and then take the opportunity to clear things up, learn from it, and move on.

    First Corinthians 16:13-14 tells us, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." Why don't you write that verse on a piece of paper and tape it to your bathroom mirror? Read it every day for the next week. Pray that God will continue to mold you into a man after His own heart.

    Whether you're six months or 60 years into your marriage, God can and will continue to teach you about how to become the man He wants you to be ... in your marriage and in every other aspect of life.

    Interested in making a comment? Click here for the online version of this article and tell us what you think in the comments section.

    James Lepine is a mobile strategy leader for FamilyLife and gloo. Want more info on growing as a godly man? Download the gloo app, and check out some of the Stepping Up content available in the app. 

    Check It Out Section of this email


    All new from Barbara Rainey, the Messiah Mystery Lent Kit helps you and your family discover the true meaning of Lent in a fun, interactive way. Purchase.

    Men, it's time to step up. Don't go it alone. Stepping Up opportunities include a one-day video event and a 10-week video series. Learn more.

     

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