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A very happy new year all!
Twenty years. Dozens of research papers. Hundreds of media appearances. Thousands of couples. And all my work comes down to this ....
On 20 January, Kate and I launch our new book 'What Mums Want (and Dads Need To Know)'. Everything we've learnt and experienced along the way is in here!
Let's get the bad news out of the way first.
- Just under half of all our teenagers are not living with both natural parents.
- Two out of three couples who had just split up had also said they were happy and not arguing much one year earlier.
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Half of all intact parents say they are 'happy' now, but not 'very happy'.
So here's the good news. Can we do a whole lot better than this? Of course we can.
There's a common denominator among happy families that is absent among unhappy families and families that split up.
It is the friendship between mum and dad.
More specifically, it is the presence of a dad who is mum-oriented, who is interested in mum and the children, and who is kind.
There's lots of research that shows happy mum makes a happy family. Happy wife, happy life. It's not surprising that mum is the centre of gravity of the family. Nine months of pregnancy automatically hardwires mum to be child-oriented.
So what makes a happy mum? A dad who is mum-oriented. That's what our book is all about.
Embrace this simple but radical idea and we think we could see a lot more happy families and a lot less family breakdown.
Having come back from the brink of divorce ourselves, our own experience mirrors this.
The big change was the realisation that I needed to make our marriage work for Kate. Not for me. Not for the kids. For Kate. I needed to be kind and attentive to Kate. The mental shift was tiny. But the effects were seismic.
We can teach couples a whole load of relationship skills, and I have run hundreds of courses. We can promote and encourage marriage, which is what Marriage Foundation is all about.
But if we can encourage men to take responsibility for their marriage or relationship, all of these things should happen naturally.
In other words, husbands, love your wives ... and they will love you right back.
You can read more of our story in the book and in some of the surrounding media coverage that we expect will come out this month.
The book is aimed primarily at helping all those other Harrys and Kates avoid getting in the mess we did.
It's for you if
- You want to keep your marriage strong
- You want things to be better than they are now
- You want to help friends who are struggling
- You want to know what makes marriage work
You can pre-order the book here on Amazon, and follow us on Twitter and Facebook.
Wishing you a very happy new year. Enjoy our book and may your own marriage and those around you flourish!
Harry Benson, Marriage Foundation
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Anne Gagliano
