The importance of dad

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Family Edge <family.edge@mercatornet.com>
Date: Sun, Sep 4, 2011 at 10:01 AM
Subject: The importance of dad
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


Family Edge
bringing you news of family issues from around the world
 

    2011-09-03 19:01:52-04


  Click below to read the full text of the latest posting on FamilyEdge

  http://www.mercatornet.com/family_edge/view/9625

  The importance of dad

2011-09-03 19:01:52-04

The importance of fathers in their children’s lives has been underscored by new Canadian research. Hands-on parenting by the dad tends to make kids smarter and better behaved. Read more...

 

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Courageous, The Movie

From: Keith Kilgore [mailto:keith@servingmarriages.ccsend.com] On Behalf Of Keith Kilgore
Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2011 5:30 AM
To: billandpatcoffin@verizon.net
Subject: Courageous, The Movie

Having trouble viewing this email? Click here

 

Serving Marriages, Inc.

IN THEATERS SEPTEMBER 30th

The Grace Card

Honor Begins at Home

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

 

While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they're quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark.

When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children?

 

Filled with action-packed police drama, COURAGEOUS is the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures, the moviemaking ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. Riveted moviegoers will once again find themselves laughing, crying, and cheering as they are challenged and inspired by everyday heroes who long to be the kinds of dads that make a lifelong impact on their children.

 

Protecting the streets is second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous.

 

COURAGEOUS Movie Trailer

COURAGEOUS Movie Trailer

  Find a Theater and Buy Tickets

INTENSIVE Opportunities

Eddy and M 

Is your marriage experiencing significant challenges?  Do you consider your marriage to be in crisis?  Do you think the passion is gone from your marriage?  Do you think you are living with a stranger?  Do you hear you say to yourself, "I've lost hope of this marriage ever getting better."?  Are you ready to give up?

There is help.  Great help.  Proven help.  Foundational help.  Help that specifically addresses those whose marriage is in crisis.

Below are three great "intensive" resources.  Find the one that fits your schedule and register.  In the meantime, stay the course, don't give up!

What:  Love and Respect Marriage Intensive

Where: The Cove, Asheville, NC

When: September 16-18, 2011

Click here for more info or email intensives@loveandrespect.com


What:
Marriage Intensive

Who: National Institute of Marriage (NIM) 

Where: WinShape Retreat, Rome, GA or Sunset Inn, Branson, MO

When: Ongoing dates, check dates and available by clicking here

Click here for more info or contact NIM at 866.875.2915

What: The ReGeneration Experience

Where:  Oak Haven Resort, Sevierville, TN

When: October 27-30, 2011

Contact FF at info@foreverfamilies.com or contact FF at 865.769.2611

 

Why are these programs proven to be successful?

  • Intensives are not confined to the time constraints of brief weekly counseling sessions
  • You get away from daily distractions and focus on your marriage
  • Work with a team of professional counselors
  • The counselors have the time to help couples identify core issues and uncover hidden obstacles
  • Couples acquire new understanding and skills to be successful in their marriage
  • The counselors are caring and passionate about helping your marriage. 

About Serving Marriages, Inc.

Serving Marriages exists to align couples with resources, training, and services, in a retreat environment, for spouses to rest and rejuvenate, learn truth, relate and build trust, whether a marriage is strong or struggling.

Foundational Principals

  • Giving - our first priority is to give of ourselves, our time, and our resources
  • Serving - we seek to serve rather than be served
  • Unifying - we desire ever increasing levels of unity, collaboration, and fellowship
  • Measuring - we desire accountability for measurable results  

Serving Marriages, Inc.

Keith Kilgore

Serving Marriages, Inc.

Nathan Vaughn

Serving Marriages, Inc. | 3168 Bay View Drive | Lake Spivey | GA | 30236-4140

Institute in the Public Square

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Institute for American Values <web@americanvalues.org>
Date: Wed, Aug 31, 2011 at 2:06 PM
Subject: Institute in the Public Square
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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  Institute in the Public Square
Institute for American Values.
Home Our Mission Who We Are Support Us Contact Us Email
Slate on Why Marriage Matters
August 25, 2011
(Skip to 10:17)
Slate on Why Marriage Matters, August 25, 2011

MARRIAGE AND FAMILIES

Marriage is much in the news this month, and our scholars are at the forefront of the discussion. On Monday's PBS NewsHour, Institute president David Blankenhorn addressed new Census findings about marriage and divorce.

Census Data Reveals New Geography of Marriage for Americans

Ray Suarez, PBS NewsHour, August 29, 2011

"David Blankenhorn, Institute for American Values: In our parents' and grandparents' generation, when you got married you were joining an institution that had authority, told you the rules. You were supposed to act in accord with its procedures. Now the shift is toward private ordering. Each individual couple defines the relationship for themselves. One way to think about it is, in an earlier day, the marriage vow defined the couple. And now it's really the couple defining the marriage vow."

Watch Here

Meanwhile, the new third edition of our report, Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences, released this month by a team of family scholars led by W. Bradford Wilcox of the University of Virginia, has garnered widespread media attention and stirred debate in the U.S. and abroad. In addition to pieces in the New York Times and National Public Radio and many other outlets the week of its release, recent stories include:

A Shaky Foundation for Families

W. Bradford Wilcox, New York Times, Room for Debate, August 30, 2011

"Why is cohabitation so risky to children? Compared with marriage, cohabitation furnishes less commitment, stability, sexual fidelity, and safety to romantic partners and their children. Consequently, cohabiting couples are more than twice as likely to break up and four times more likely to be unfaithful to one another, compared with married couples. All this has obvious implications for children in these homes."

Read the Article

Parents Choose Cohabiting Over Marriage

Lisa Belkin, New York Times Motherlode blog, August 17, 2011

"A twelvefold increase in the number of cohabiting households over the last four decades is of concern, the report's 18 authors say, because marriage is better for children."

Read the Article

The Double X Gabfest: Momentary Lapse of Judgment Edition

Jessica Grose, Kate Julian, and Hanna Rosin, Slate, August 25, 2011

"In this week's gabfest, DoubleX founding editor Hanna Rosin along with Slate senior editor Jessica Grose and editor Kate Julian discuss . . . a new report from the Institute for American Values about the rise of cohabitation."

Listen to the Discussion (Skip to 10:17) | And read a response at FamilyScholars.org and at MercatorNet.com

Before Kids, Put a Ring On It

Kathryn Jean Lopez, National Review, August 23, 2011

"More than 40 percent of children in the United States spend time in a cohabiting household. That's among the findings of the new 'Why Marriage Matters' study from the Institute for American Values and the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia."

Read the Article

The Cohabitation Revolution

Rich Lowry, National Review, August 26, 2011

"According to a new study by the Institute for American Values and the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, cohabitation has increased 14-fold since 1970."

Read the Article | And read at BernardGoldberg.com

Cohabitation, not divorce, now top marriage threat

David Blankenhorn, Sr., Jackson Clarion Ledger, August 26, 2011

"This third edition of Why Marriage Matters makes the case that many cohabiting Americans are starting an 'intimate' relationship rather than a 'committed' one."

Read the Article

Study: Cohabitation more harmful than divorce

Mark Pattison, National Catholic Reporter, August 25, 2011

"'Family instability continues to increase for the nation's children overall, mainly because more than 40 percent of American children will now spend time in a cohabiting household,' according to the study, 'Why Marriage Matters,' issued Aug. 16 by the Center for American Families at the Institute for American Values."

Read the Article | And read here at CathNews.com

First in Print: Cohabitaton--Largest Threat to Children

Mike McManus, The Daily Reporter, August 29, 2011

"The Institute for American Values issued a landmark report, 'Why Marriage Matters, Third Edition' which states: 'The rise of cohabitation is the largest unrecognized threat to the quality and stability of children's family lives.'"

Read the Article

In our work on the future of parenthood:

Barn är ingen mänsklig rättighet

Anna Lagerblad, Svenska Dagbladet (Sweden daily paper), August 29, 2011

"'To protect their own feelings, parents often turn a blind eye to the difficulties that donor children can experience,' says FamilyScholars.org blogger and AnonymousUs.org founder Alana S., whose story was featured on the front page of one of Sweden's major daily newspapers."

Read the Article | And read a note about the article by Alana S. at FamilyScholars.org

Tell kids early, says report on sperm donation

Michael Cook, BioEdge, August 12, 2011

"A well-publicised report last year from the Institute for American Values found that 'young adults conceived through sperm donation are hurting more.'"

Read the Article

Other media attention to our marriage and family work includes:

Divorce reform could save billions in government aid

Cheryl Wetzstein, Washington Times, August 15, 2011

"Even a 'modest reduction' in the U.S. divorce rate likely would benefit 400,000 children and save taxpayers significant sums, wrote retired Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice [and Institute board member and senior fellow] Leah Ward Sears and University of Minnesota professor [and Institute partner] William J. Doherty, proponents of a new 'Second Chances' divorce reform."

Read the Article

Yount: A call to save marriage in America

David Yount, The Republic, July 27, 2011

"Last December, the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values noted that marriage is disappearing among middle-class Americans. A majority (60 percent) of first marriages happen after couples first live together. Three of every five unmarried couples have children."

Read the Article

Money, Education, and Marriage: The New Relationship

Voice of America, August 14, 2011

"[Institute senior fellow] Brad Wilcox is a sociology professor at the University of Virginia and head of a pro-marriage group, the National Marriage Project."

Read the Article

THRIFT AND GENEROSITY

Family Happiness and the Overbooked Child

Alina Tugend, New York Times, August 12, 2011

"'Parents can say no to material things, but it's very hard to do that for what we call [enrichment] opportunities,' said Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, director of the John Templeton Center for Thrift and Generosity at the nonprofit Institute for American Values. . . 'Kids have to understand there are limits to what a parent can do for them, but it's very, very difficult to say, "I'm sorry, we can't afford it,"' she added."

Read the Article | And read at the Gainesville Sun and the Times of India

Government push to expand gambling is a bad bet for Americans

iStockAnalyst.com, August 1, 2011

"The new website, www.GetGovernmentOutofGambling.org, launched by the Institute for American Values, sheds light on the numerousand significant social ills caused by the partnership of governments with legalized gambling. Contrary to what elected officials would have citizens believe, state-sponsored gambling is bad public policy that costs all taxpayers."

Read the Article

Starved Budgets Inspire New Look at Web Gambling

Matt Richtel, New York Times, August 13, 2011

"'It's a business model built on addiction and indebtedness,' said Les Bernal, [Institute partner and] executive director of the Stop Predatory Gambling Foundation."

Read the Article | And read at Herald Tribune and CompatiblePoker.com

Congress may OK online gambling

Josh Kosman, New York Post, August 16, 2011

"Les Bernal, [Institute partner and] executive director of Stop Predatory Gambling, said, 'This is a government policy that shrinks the middle class and pushes people in deeper debt at a time the government should be encouraging people to save more money.'"

Read the Article

Gambling projections for Massachusetts no sure bet

Stephanie Ebbert and Casey Ross, Boston Globe, August 27, 2011

"'No matter where you look across America, the government policy to expand gambling has failed to deliver on its revenue promises and its job promises,' said Les Bernal, [Institute partner and] executive director of the national group Stop Predatory Gambling."

Read the Article

Gov. Patrick OK's racing simulcast bill

Boston Herald, July 29, 2011

"Les Bernal of the Stop Predatory Gambling Foundation [and Institute partner] is trying to direct viewers to a 60 Minutes segment set to re-air Sunday night on industry efforts to ensure slots are addictive products."

Read the Article

Business Digest for Aug. 2

Daily News staff, Milford Daily News, August 2, 2011

"The Davlin Philanthropic Fund, the first mutual fund to allow investors to direct charitable contributions from advisory fees, has announced that philanthropic author and historian [and Institute senior fellow] Claire Gaudiani of New York has been elected a board director of The Davlin Foundation in Wayland. Gaudiani is currently adjunct professor of philanthropy at the Wagner School of Public Service of New York University and chairwoman of Gaudiani Associates."

Read the Article

Ben Franklin's advice in 1782 about America revealing

David Blankenhorn, Sr., Jackson Clarion Ledger, August 12, 2011

"Franklin's 1782 advice to those who want to succeed was sound in 1782, and is so in 2011."

Read the Article

Parx officials tell state of child-abandonment deterrents

Suzette Parmley, Philadelphia Inquirer, August 18, 2011

"'Child neglect is a classic symptom of gambling addiction,' said Philadelphia attorney Paul Boni, a board member of the national [and Institute partner] Stop Predatory Gambling."

Read the Article

Gaming board gives Parx an earful about unsupervised kids

Suzette Parmley, Philadelphia Inquirer, August 19, 2011

"According to the national group [and Institute partner] Stop Predatory Gambling, outside Pennsylvania there have been five cases nationally since 2000 in which parents in Rhode Island, Oregon, Georgia, and Minnesota were arrested for leaving children in vehicles while the adults gambled."

Read the Article

GLOBAL ENGAGEMENT

September 30, 2011, "Three Views of Oman," St. Antony's College, Oxford, England

Please join us for the opening of a photography exhibit about society and religion in Oman, 1945-2006. The exhibit is curated by Institute Executive Vice President Raina Sacks Blankenhorn. Photographs are by Wilfred Thesinger, Charles Butt, and Edward Grazda.

View the Details

PUBLIC CONVERSATION

Upcoming conversations at our Center for Public Conversation:

September 22, 2011, "Our Call to Civil Society" New York, NY

A Conversation with Jean Bethke Elshtain, Laura Spellman Rockefeller Professor of Social and Political Ethics, Divinity School, University of Chicago, hosted by David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values. Please join us for a wide-ranging and riveting discussion on the state of American political life and culture with Professor Elshtain, one of the nation's most prominent public intellectuals and whose body of critical thought has shaped elite opinion for a quarter of a century.

View the Details

September 26, 2011, "Is Marriage for White People? How the Decline of African American Marriage Affects Everyone" New York, NY

A Conversation with Ralph Richard Banks, Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School and Author, Is Marriage for White People? How the Decline of African American Marriage Affects Everyone, hosted by Leah Ward Sears, Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice (retired). Based on his social science research, Professor Banks looks at the intimate lives of African American women and examines why they are not getting married and are the least likely to marry of any segment of the American population.

View the Details

See the most recent conversation held at our Center for Public Conversation:

Why Marriage Matters: An Argument for the Goods of Marriage

A Conversation with Elizabeth Marquardt, director of the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values; Amy L. Wax, Robert Mundheim Professor of Law, University of Pennsylvania Law School; and W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, University of Virginia and chair of the team of scholars that authored the third edition of Why Marriage Matters; hosted by Jonathan Rauch, guest scholar at the Brookings Institution.

Watch Here

OTHER EVENTS:

September 26, 2011, "The Ring Makes the Difference" Poughkeepsie, New York

Elizabeth Marquardt, director Center for Marriage and Families; Institute senior fellow and National Marriage Project director W. Bradford Wilcox; New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan; and Bruderhof Church Community senior pastor Johann Christoph Arnold discuss family and marriage.

View the Details

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News and Notes from National Center for Family & Marriage Research

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <ncfmr@bgsu.edu>
Date: Wed, Aug 31, 2011 at 9:50 AM
Subject: News and Notes
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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News and Notes

August 2011

Twitter LogoFacebook Logo 

 

 

Welcome

The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to News and Notes, our monthly electronic newsletter. News and Notes aims to keep you informed about the activities of the NCFMR. We will also announce funding and research opportunities, provide registration details for conferences and workshops, and keep you updated on current research findings.


 

What's New at the NCFMR...

 

Wendy Manning_Susan BrownASA Honors Co-Directors Brown and Manning with the Inaugural Article of the Year Award 

American Sociological Association Section on the Sociology of the Family

 

NCFMR Co-Directors Susan L. Brown (right) and Wendy D. Manning were awarded for the best journal article published in the past three years during the American Sociological Association's (ASA) 106th Annual Meeting on August 21. Brown and Manning received the inaugural award for their publication "Family Boundary Ambiguity and the Measurement of Family Structure: The Significance of Cohabitation" published in Demography. Their research examines family boundary ambiguity in adolescent and mother reports of family structure using data from the first wave of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Add Health).  

 

More than 5,000 people attended this year's annual meeting and award's program Social Conflict: Multiple Dimensions and Arenas in Las Vegas. Brown and Manning accepted the award at the ASA Section on Sociology of the Family reception. Congratulations to Susan and Wendy on receiving this prestigious first-time award!

Dividing Line

 

Married and Cohabiting Couples

Pilot Data Released for Public Use 

 

Data from the Married and Cohabiting Couples pilot data projects are now available for public use via the Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research (ICPSR). The data are composed of a nationally representative sample of United States married (752) and cohabiting (323) couples 18-64 years of age. Both members of the couple provided information on a range of topics including union history, work and family stress, marital disillusionment, and health-care preferences.

 

Research teams from around the country presented their preliminary findings on August 4 at Bowling Green State University and will submit working papers to the NCFMR Working Paper Series. Additionally, team members will present their findings at future national conferences and workshops.     

Dividing Line

 

New Students Join the NCFMR

 

The NCFMR welcomes the following new and returning students:

 

New Students  

  • Katie Kusner, Graduate Research Fellow
  • Emily Padgett, Graduate Research Fellow
  • Nicole Shoenberger, Graduate Research Assistant

 

Returning Students 

  • Julia Arroyo, Undergraduate Research Assistant
  • Larry Gibbs, Graduate Research Assistant 
  • Bart Stykes, Graduate Research Assistant
  • Britani Williams, Project Assistant
  • Erin Ziegelmeyer, Undergraduate Research Assistant

 

Graduate research fellows are pursuing dissertation research on topics consistent with the Center's research themes under the direction of a BGSU Faculty Research Affiliate. Graduate research assistants help the NCFMR staff build NCFMR's Data Resources, while undergraduate students and project research assistants, working under the close supervision of staff members, assist with the production of data resources. 

 

Dividing Line 

 

The following updates may be viewed on the NCFMR website.

 

Newly Released Data Resources

 

Original Data

Original data sponsored and coordinated by the NCFMR.

 

The Data Source

Descriptions of newly released data sets of interest to family researchers.

 

Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing the latest statistics on U.S. families.Family Profiles

   

 

 
 

 

NCFMR Graduate Research Assistant Examines Couples' Relationship Satisfaction Using New Pilot Data 

 

A new data set, Married and Cohabiting Couples, collected by the NCFMR in 2010 and recently released to the public through ICPSR, allows for couple-level assessments of spouse/partner agreement about relationship quality. Research generated by NCFMR Graduate Research Assistant Sarah Burgoyne shows married and cohabiting couples are similarly likely to agree in their reports of relationship satisfaction. However, married couples are more likely to both report they are very satisfied with their marriage (57% of married versus 36% of cohabiting couples), whereas cohabiting couples are especially likely to both report that they are not very satisfied (37% of cohabiting versus 19% of married couples). Similar proportions of married (24%) and cohabiting (27%) couples provide discordant reports about the quality of their relationship.  

 

 

Couple Relationship Quality by Union Type 

 Bar Chart Comparing Relationship Satisfaction

  

Source: National Center for Family & Marriage Research Pilot Data 2010: Married and Cohabiting Couples. Couples were asked, "Taking all things together, how satisfied are you with your relationship with your spouse or partner?" Response categories ranged from very dissatisfied to very satisfied. The sample includes 724 married couples and 316 cohabiting couples.  

 

 
 
 

Upcoming Events

 

 
 

 

September 2011

Call for Proposals -- American Educational Research Grants Program (AERA)

Dissertation Grants and Research Grants

Date Due: September 1

Link to AERA Grants Program webpage 

 

Call for Submissions -- NCFR Report

Winter 2011: LGBT Families

Date Due: September 21

Contact the editor to obtain submission guidelines nancygonzalez@ncfr.org 

 

Call for Papers -- Population Association of America

PAA 2012

Date Due: September 23

Link to PAA Call for Papers webpage

 

Call for Papers -- 5th Annual BGSU/OSU Sociology Graduate Student Conference

Date Due: September 23

For more information and to submit your papers, contact... 

Holly Fee - Family Demography

Rhiannon Kroeger - Population Health

Larry Gibbs - Neighborhoods, Crime, and Well-Being

 

Call for Submissions -- Work and Family Researchers Network (WFRN) 

Date Due: September 30

Link to WFRN webpage for submission instructions 

 

 

October 2011

Call for Manuscripts -- Special Family Science Review Issue

Teaching about Families: Current Reflections on Our Journeys in Family Science Educators

Date Due: October 1

For more information, visit: http://www.ncfr.org/news/call-manuscripts-special-family-science-review-issue 

 

Call for Submissions -- Family Relations

Multi-Ethnicity and Multi-Ethnic Families

Date Due: October 1

Link to the NCFR Submit to FR webpage  

 

Call for Papers -- Eastern Sociological Society

Storied Lives: Culture, Structure, and Narrative

Date Due: October 15

Link to Eastern Sociological Society  


 

 

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Is Marriage for White People?

From: Institute for American Values [mailto:info@americanvalues.org]
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2011 12:06 PM
To: billandpatcoffin@verizon.net
Subject: Is Marriage for White People?

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Institute for American Values

The Institute for American Values

CORDIALLY INVITES YOU TO JOIN

A CONVERSATION WITH

RALPH RICHARD BANKS

Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School
and Author, Is Marriage for White People?
How the Decline of African American Marriage Affects Everyone

HOSTED BY

LEAH WARD SEARS

Georgia Supreme Court Chief Justice (retired)

MONDAY,
September 26th, 2011
5:30
P.M. - 7:30 P.M.
Refreshments served

AT THE

Center for Public Conversation
1841 Broadway, Second Floor
New York, New York 10023
www.americanvalues.org

Is Marriage for White People?

Please join us to discuss the issues raised in Professor Banks' provocatively titled book: Is Marriage for White People? Based on his social science research, Banks looks at the intimate lives of African American women and examines why they are not getting married and are the least likely to marry of any segment of the American population.

Signed copies will be available for purchase.

SEATING IS LIMITED. To reserve a seat, please RSVP to info@americanvalues.org OR 212-246-3942. Program will begin promptly at 6:00 p.m. RESERVATIONS REQUIRED.

About the Panelist:

Ralph Richard Banks is the Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School, where he Ralph Richard Bankshas taught since 1998. He teaches and writes about family law, race and inequality. Professor Banks has previously authored dozens of commentary articles in the popular press, including the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, and The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Professor Banks received Bachelors and Masters degrees from Stanford University in 1987 and his law degree from Harvard Law School in 1994. Prior to joining the Stanford Law School faculty in 1998, professor Banks served as a judicial clerk for the Honorable Barrington D. Parker, Jr., then of the U.S. District Court, Southern District of New York; was a Reginald F. Lewis Fellow at Harvard Law School; and worked as an associate in the San Francisco office of the law firm O'Melveny & Myers.

About the Host:

Chief Justice Leah Ward Sears (retired) is the first woman and the youngest person ever to serve Chief Justice Leah Ward Searson the Georgia Supreme Court. Retiring from the court in July 2009, after 24 years of distinguished service in the state's judiciary, Justice Sears reentered private practice where she currently leads the National Appellate Team at Schiff Hardin, LLP. In retaining her position on the Georgia Supreme Court, Justice Sears became the first woman to win a contested statewide election in Georgia. During her tenure on the Supreme Court, Justice Sears spearheaded innovative programs such as the Georgia Supreme Court's Commission on Children, Marriage and Family Law, as well as The Access to Justice Project. Justice Sears contributes her talents to academia as well, having taught at both Emory University and The University of Georgia. Currently she serves on the Board of Trustees for Emory University, The Carter Center, the Advisory Board for the Georgia Institute of Technology and the Cornell University Council. At the Institute for American Values, Chief Justice Sears presently serves as a board member and is the William Thomas Sears Distinguished Fellow in Family Law.

1841 Broadway Suite 211 | New York, NY 10023 US


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Marriage and Relationship

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what
I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each
other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to
our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that
she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten
years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted
time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I
loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was
what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be
firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at
the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep
very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life
as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's
time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall
how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just
to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face
the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting
room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She
closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside

the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't
looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young
any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our
marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done
to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her
as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have
grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the
reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part
of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind
at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom,
through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly
and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in
my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her
tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want
the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value
the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now
I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll
carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run
up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to
even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from
the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the
divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It
is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create
an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little
things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were
to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined
together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6