Announcing the Coalition for Divorce Reform

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Chris Gersten <updates@divorcereform.info>
Date: Mon, May 23, 2011 at 3:07 PM
Subject: Announcing the Coalition for Divorce Reform
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


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Dear Bill, 

In 2010, America’s non-marital birth-rate topped 40% for the first time in our history. Our divorce rate is near 50%. Over 60% of our children spend some time with a single parent during their childhood.

Yet there has been no national campaign to reform our divorce laws since no-fault became the law of the land in the 1970s. Until now. The Coalition for Divorce Reform has recently been founded to lower unnecessary divorce for parents with minor children.

We have just launched our new website, www.divorcereform.info, with a dozen respected bloggers to help organize support for the Parental Divorce Reduction Act which is posted on the site. Below you will find the introductions to our first nine blogs.

The Huffington Post has announced our website and new organization. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beverly-willett/the-most-pioneering-divor_b_863024.html

Please go to the site to learn more about the legislation we are proposing. We have political leadership in a dozen states committed to working for passage of this new Act which would require “divorce reduction education” for all couples with minor children before they could file for divorce.

We are looking for additional bloggers so if you are interested in blogging regularly or occasionally, please contact me directly at chrisgersten@gmail.com.

Please help us by posting on your Facebook and Twitter sites and email your email contacts about this new, all volunteer effort. We also have a Facebook page and would appreciate your clicking the “Like” button and letting your Facebook friends know about this as well. Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Coalition-For-Divorce-Reform/175335009188866

Here are excerpts from a few of the blogs. You may take these blogs and repost them or use them in any way you wish to educate people about the devastating impact divorce has on children and the need to reform our divorce laws.

The Impossible Dream: My Fight to Save My Marriage   BEVERLY WILLETT
…….But I don’t want a divorce,” I cried.  “I love my husband.”  Twenty years wasn’t something I wanted to chuck overnight.  Made of strong Southern female stock, I grew up believing the words “until death do us part” were non-negotiable.  Family was paramount, and divorce virtually unheard of.  “I don’t think there’s anything in life that can’t be forgiven,” my aunt said when I asked for her advice.  To me, that pretty much covered the whole territory.

Why We Must Reduce Divorce: A Custody Lawyer Looks at the Big Picture Through the Fog of Battle   JOHN CROUCH
……..I'm a divorce lawyer in Northern Virginia. Here's a sample of what I do for a living. I meet with a young lady who tells me, "My husband and I have decided we want a divorce. It will be uncontested, we're very friendly with each other, and the last thing we want to do is fight."

I ask "Have you agreed on the children's custody and visitation?" "Custody? We haven't talked about that”

Confessions of an Unabashed Marriage Saver, Michele Weiner-Davis

I have a confession; I am a psychotherapist who is an unabashed marriage saver.  But it wasn’t always that way.  When I began doing marital therapy in the late Seventies, I was a newlywed, twenty-something therapist charged with helping couples who were usually older than me and grappling with issues I had yet to face in my own life.

Denial: The Price of Our Children’s Best Interest, Kevin Senich

For too many children divorce defines childhood in America. For too many it is an experience shaping a horrific vision of marriage and parenting. For too many it is a nightmare from which they cannot awaken and for which their cries in the darkness go unheeded by their very own parents, parents whose denial, despite their love, compels them to ignore the cries of their own children. As parents, denial will not let us answer those cries of our children. One of us is not there; the other is not to blame. This can no longer pass for good parenting; no longer truly serve the best interest of our children.

A Challenge to protect 25 Million Years of Life, Seth Eisenberg

“In the next five years, five million American children will experience the break-up of their parents. As a nation, we could lose the promise and potential of 25 million years of life. Not because of war or famine, disease or natural disasters, but because of our own decisions. It doesn’t have to be that way.

A New Reason to Think Twice About Divorce, Cathy Meyer

According to a new book, The Longevity Project by Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin a parent’s divorce is a strong predictor of early death in adulthood. Think about it, your divorce can play a role in how long your child will live. And, according to the book, whether or not the divorce is high conflict or not makes no difference.

Children who experienced the divorce of their parents in childhood died about five years earlier, on average, than children who grew up in intact families. I can’t think of a better argument for the need for divorce reform.

Chris Gersten
Chairman
Coalition for Divorce Reform 

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Coalition for Divorce Reform

Parental Divorce Reduction Act

Overview of Parental Divorce Reduction Act
      • The Parental Divorce Reduction Act is a new proposal to reduce unnecessary divorce.
      • A broad consensus of studies finds that divorce has serious negative lifelong psychological consequences for children, and costs taxpayers billions of dollars annually. A significant number of these divorces are unnecessary. The goal of this Act is to reduce "unnecessary" divorces where minor children are involved.
      • Before filing for divorce, parents of minor children will be required to participate in four to eight hours of face-to-face divorce education classes. The classes will provide information on the effects of divorce on children and adults and teach research-based communication and other relationship skills that help strengthen marriages.
      • After completing the classes, parents will need to wait an additional eight months before they may file for divorce, a period that may serve as an opportunity for reflection and reconciliation.
      • Exceptions are made for a spouse who is physically abused, abandoned for eighteen months, married to a partner who is incarcerated for five years, or married to someone addicted to alcohol or drugs who refuses to seek treatment and rehabilitation.
      • The legislation is budget neutral, requiring the divorcing parties to pay for the cost of the divorce education. TANF funds, when available, may be used to help defray the divorce education fees for the indigent. The cost to the couple should be modest and not exceed $100-200.
      • Online divorce education modules will be made available for persons in rural areas or elsewhere who do not have access to face to face divorce education.
      This approach is based on recent studies that find that about one-third of divorcing couples report an interest in reconciliation, and the promising results from evaluation of marriage education programs which have now been launched in all 50 states.

      Read the full story

      via divorcereform.info

      What Makes for a Happy and Lasting Marriage?; For Your Marriage

      All couples want their marriages to succeed. But what makes for a happy and lasting marriage? Is it just luck—a matter of finding the right spouse? Is each marriage unique, or do happy marriages have certain elements in common? Perhaps most important, what can spouses do to improve their chances of marital success?

      Social science research offers some helpful answers. It reminds us, for example, that couples build “multiple marriages” over the course of a marriage. Common transitions such as the birth of a child, relocation, and the empty nest require couples to adjust their behaviors and expectations. Transitions can threaten marital stability, but they can also provide an opportunity for growth.

      Here are several key findings from the social sciences that can help couples to navigate these transitions and build a lasting marriage.

      –Couples who know what to expect during common transitional periods in a marriage are less likely to be blindsided when changes occur. Couples can acquire proactive resources to prepare for relationship shifts. See Stages of Marriage.

      –The three most common reasons given for divorce are “lack of commitment,” “too much conflict and arguing,” and “infidelity.” (With This Ring: A National Survey on Marriage in America, 2005)

      –In contrast, the most common reasons couples give for long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They speak of hard work and dedication, both to each other and to the idea of marriage itself. (The Top Ten Myths of Marriage)

      –Qualities that a couple can acquire and/or strengthen in order to save or improve their marriage include: positive communication styles, realistic expectations, common attitudes concerning important issues and beliefs, and a high degree of personal commitment. (Scott Stanley, “What Factors are Associated with Divorce and/or Marital Unhappiness?”)

      –Married couples make a dual commitment. The first, of course, is to each other. The second is to the institution of marriage. This includes support for marital childbearing, openness to children, and a belief that marriage is for life. Such commitment results in high levels of intimacy and marital happiness. (Brad Wilcox, Seeking a Soulmate: A Social Scientific View of the Relationship between Commitment and Authentic Intimacy)

      –Couples who stay married and happy have the same levels and types of disagreements as those who divorce. The difference stems from how they handle disagreements. The good news is that communication and conflict resolution skills can be learned.

      via foryourmarriage.org

      About This Research; The Couple Conflict Consultant

      The Couple Conflict Consultant is offered free of charge because it is a part of a research study being conducted by Dr. Keith Sanford at Baylor University. When you use the Couple Conflict Consultant, you are not only doing something to build strong communication skills in your own relationship, but you are also helping Dr. Sanford in an important research study. The main purpose of this study is to test the Couple Conflict Consultant to see how well it works and to discover which parts of the program are most helpful for couples. The results of this study will be used to improve the program and to discover the best ways to help more and more couples build strong relationships.

      To help out with this research study, the only thing you need to do is to use the Couple Conflict Consultant. When you use this program, your information will be added to a large database. Dr. Sanford and his research assistants will then analyze this database and use it to answer important research questions. Notably, this database will be used only by Dr. Sanford and his research assistants, and it will be used only to answer important research questions. The database will not be sold or given to any other person or company. Most importantly, every time you use the Couple Conflict Consultant, you make an important contribution to a research study that could, in the end, help countless more couples build strong relationships.

      via pairbuilder.com