Fwd: Tip of the Month - Right Versus Smart l September/October 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "The Family Institute at Northwestern University" <tips@family-institute.org>
Date: Oct 2, 2013 8:03 PM
Subject: Tip of the Month - Right Versus Smart l September/October 2013
To: <billcoffin68@gmail.com>
Cc:


SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2013

Right Versus Smart

 

You're waiting at the corner of Michigan and Huron, meeting your partner for lunch. Ten minutes have passed, fifteen ... twenty minutes and no call, no text -- nothing. She arrives after thirty minutes -- cool calm and collected. Seeing the vexed look on your face, she asks what's wrong. And within moments, you're locked in a debate over the original plans, back and forth in a verbal tug-of-war over what time you'd agreed to rendezvous. Each of you remembers it differently; each of you digs in your heels; each of you wants to Be Right.

It happens all the time with our partner: the wish to win the argument, to Be Right, without regard for collateral damage. But too often, my personal "win" becomes a "loss" for us. Despite my victory, we're feeling disconnected, no closer than when the argument began.

The alternative? Choosing to Be Smart instead of Right -- putting We above Me. Being Smart means keeping the welfare of the relationship in mind and asking myself, during an argument, what it might take to reach partnership harmony. (It's almost never the pursuit of winning.)

Couples research has found that relationships are stronger when partners commit more often to the relationship than to their own immediate needs.* We all like to Be Right, but pursuing that path often means abandoning the partnership, the two of us together, and turns what should be a team sport into an individual event.

(You may have a partner whose style isn't to push back and challenge you, which makes it easy to indulge the impulse to Be Right. But doing so may be just as harmful to the relationship -- and you just don't know it. Stay aware of those Being Right versus Being Smart moments even though you don't customarily find yourselves in a tug-of-war.)

Here are some ways to go about Being Smart:

  • Let go of the rope once you sense the tug-of-war taking hold. Remind yourself that it's an empty victory if you win the battle but lose the war.
  • Consider saying, "We see this differently, and let's be okay with that. Let's agree to disagree. How can we now move forward?"
  • If your partner feels injured (hurt, disappointed, upset) by something you said or did, tend that injury first by offering compassion, care, and understanding.
  • Listen for your partner's emotions. Reflect them back compassionately. ("You're frustrated and unhappy that I kept you waiting at this corner. I can understand that.")
  • Consider (or ask) what's needed to move forward together. If it's an apology, take the high road and offer one, regardless of who's at fault. ("I'm sorry I kept you waiting.")
  • Catch yourself being seduced by the desire to Be Right. It's just the tempting call of the ego at play. Resist it when you can.

Fwd: Are married or cohabiting couples happier?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Family Edge" <family.edge@mercatornet.com>
Date: Sep 30, 2013 1:50 PM
Subject: Are married or cohabiting couples happier?
To: <billcoffin68@gmail.com>
Cc:

FamilyEdge
MERCATORNET PROMOTING THE FAMILY
 

   September 30, 2013


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Are married or cohabiting couples happier?

by Nicole M. King

Married men and women enjoy better subjective well-being than do their cohabiting peers. Read More





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Fwd: Latest Scoops on Healthy Marriage Links and Clips

I'll be taking a break till early Oct. 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Scoop.it <noreply@postmaster.scoop.it>
Date: Tue, Sep 17, 2013 at 8:53 PM
Subject: Latest Scoops on Healthy Marriage Links and Clips
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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Fwd: MONTHLY MM's & PP's - OCTOBER, 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Susan Vogt <susanvogt1@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Sep 16, 2013 at 7:00 AM
Subject: MONTHLY MM's & PP's - OCTOBER, 2013
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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Marriage Moments & Parenting Pointers

OCTOBER- 2013

 

Family heart

 

I offer you these tidbits of wisdom as prayer prompts to remind you (and your constituents) of the sacredness of marriage vows and the value of every child. The commitment to love a spouse forever, and the generous gift of life parents offer a child are indeed spiritual under-takings and cannot be done alone. May the God of Love be with you and your work.


*
FOR MORE extended marriage and parenting articles, plus archived Marriage Moments and Parenting Pointers, go to: www.SusanVogt.net
 
*BLOG: Living Lightly.

*TWITTER:@Vogt_Susan

*EDUCATORS, LEADERS, & MINISTERS:
You are welcome to reprint these MM's and PP's in bulletins, newsletters, and on your website with proper credit, ("By Susan Vogt, www.SusanVogt.net")
When used on a website, please also link to my website: 

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Forward to a Friend 

Dear Bill ,
Below are your Marriage Moments and Parenting Pointers for October. 

 

NOTE: As Halloween approaches, why not share my October Enrichment Activity, Marriage & Masks, with your married couples.  
MARRIAGE MOMENTS*

 

541. Oct. 7: "Bear your share of hardship for the gospel." (2 Timothy 1:8) Married couples might substitute "for your beloved" since there are always hardships entwined in any marriage. What was the last hardship your spouse bore for you?

 

542. Oct. 14: "Do you love me?" "Of course!" says the loving spouse. But that's not usually a very satisfying response. Try coming up with a new, fresh reason today besides, "You're pretty/handsome, smart/funny." It can be silly. Mostly it needs to be uniquely personal.

 

543. Oct. 21: "Aaron and Hur supported [Moses'] hands" so that Israel would be victorious. (Exodus 17:12) Support for your beloved can be financial, emotional, physical, sentimental, inspirational, favors, doing chores... Which kind of support is easiest for you? Hardest?

 

544. Oct. 27: "Two people went up to the temple area to pray." (Luke 18: 10) Which of you is the better prayer? Be careful about claiming to be better or worse than your spouse lest it be pride or false humility. To play it safe, say a quiet prayer for the good of your beloved right now.

  
*Marriage Moments go out to individuals on Mondays. For Sunday bulletins use the Sunday immediately before the above date. 

PARENTING POINTERS*

 

540. Oct. 4: Toddlers can be cute, full of energy, entertaining, creative...and tiring. If you're the parent of a toddler relish this phase as it will pass all too soon (or not soon enough depending on the day). If your children are older, reminisce about one delightful thing they did as a toddler.

 

541. Oct. 11: It should be natural and human to respect all human life, but sometimes it gets difficult when someone is nasty or unappealing like modern day lepers (the poor, criminals, people with annoying personalities). Whose life do you find it hardest to respect? Look for the good. Pray for the unlikable, unwashed, unwanted people in our society today.

 

542. Oct. 18: "Remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it. (2 Timothy 3:14) Parenting is hard. We talk with other parents, we read, we follow our instincts; AND we are subtly influenced by how we have been parented ourselves. What's the best / worst parenting practice you learned from your own parents?

 

543. Oct. 25: Halloween is a time when we all get to pretend we are someone prettier, scarier, or different than our usual self. Enjoy the fun of dressing your kids up or becoming someone different for a night yourself. But remember, God loves our true self - warts and all.

  

Parenting Pointers go out to individuals on Fridays. For Sunday bulletins, use the closest Friday.
© 2013 Susan Vogt
MAIL: 523 E. Southern Ave., Covington, KY 41015 
WEBSITE: www.SusanVogt.net
This email was sent to billcoffin68@gmail.com by susanvogt1@gmail.com |  
Susan Vogt | 523 E. Southern Ave | Covington | KY | 41015

Fwd: Countdown to IMC 18 – Ignite the Passion

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Pastor Molly Godzich <info@nameonline.net>
Date: Thu, Sep 12, 2013 at 9:04 AM
Subject: Countdown to IMC 18 – Ignite the Passion
To: Bill Coffin <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


imc18-cvent banner
 

11 DAYS FROM EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT DEADLINE

 

Dear Bill,

We are so excited about this year’s marriage conference.  In fact so are SO MANY other couples.  REGISTRATIONS ARE WAY UP!! 

We are now only 4 weeks away from the Ignite the Passion, 18th annual International Marriage Conference! We don’t want you to miss the countdown to the Early Bird Discount which expires on Sept. 23rd, 2012. Registering by this date will save you money (even though it’s the lowest cost, best value conference without compare anywhere!). Click View Event Summary to go to the conference info.

With the finest lineup of marriage speakers anywhere, so many have already registered. Remember to watch for the deadlines on the hotel discount dates as well. Check the hotel info on the registration site – there’s a room in every price range, but the discounts only apply to the cutoff date determined by each hotel. Get all the couples who are coming from your church or community to stay at the same hotel for some fun and memorable times.

And, oh, the cost page on the conference website will tell you how to save the most by the Early Bird registration date - bring a group! So you still have time to pull a group together of 5 more couple so that you can save on registrations.  It would be crazy to miss the discounts to Ignite the Passion (IMC 18).  We look forward to seeing you there!!  

 
View Event Summary
 
View Event Agenda
 
To register, click on the View Event Summary and click on Register. 

 

The NAME Staff

 
The National Association of Marriage Enhancement
PO Box 71100
Phoenix, AZ  85050


Note: Remember group rate & early-bird rate expires on 9/23/13
 
 
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Fwd: FW: About Marriage: What is Love?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: bill and/or pat coffin <billandpatcoffin@verizon.net>
Date: Thu, Sep 12, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Subject: FW: About Marriage: What is Love?
To: Bill Coffin <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


 

 

From: Sheri & Bob Stritof - About.com Marriage Guide [mailto:newsletters@about.com]
Sent: Thursday, September 12, 2013 8:24 AM
To: billandpatcoffin@VERIZON.NET
Subject: About Marriage: What is Love?

 

If you can't see this email, click here

 

 

About

 

 

Marriage

Getting Married

Staying Married

Love & Sex

 

 

From Sheri & Bob Stritof, your Guide to Marriage

A friend of ours asked us this question, What is love, this week. Our answers:

·  Mature Love

·  Romantic Love


What is Love?

How would you define love? Read what our readers have to say about love and share your own thoughts.

Search Related Topics:  stages of marriage  real love  soul mates

TV in the Bedroom

Should you have a television set in your bedroom? Read the reasons couple give for having one and the pros and cons of having a TV in your bedroom.

Search Related Topics:  intimacy  television viewing  bedrooms

Tip of the Week -- Things to Talk About

Are you tired of conversations just about the news, weather, and your kids? Having more topics to talk about can help the two of you know one another more deeply. These discussion starters are a good place to begin.

Quote of the Week -- Technology Ban

Daniel Craig: "There's nothing technological allowed in the bedroom. "If the iPad goes to bed, I mean, unless you're watching porn on the internet, it's a killer. We have a ban on it." Source: Rosa Silverman. "Rachel Weisz and I ban technology from our bedroom, says Daniel Craig." Telegraph.co.uk. 9/09/2013.

Search Related Topics:  daniel craig  rachel weisz  james bond

 

 

 

 

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Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples

 

 

 

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Fwd: Your Thriving Marriage Newsletter - September 2013

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Thriving Marriages <kayce.coffman@publicstrategies.com>
Date: Thu, Sep 12, 2013 at 10:11 AM
Subject: Your Thriving Marriage Newsletter - September 2013
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


 

Thriving Logo

Your Thriving Marriage September 2013

The Thriving Marriages retreats are now wrapped up for 2013, and we want to thank everyone who has been a part of the process! A big "Thank You!" goes out to all the presenters and staff who made every retreat a success, and to all of the couples who attended and prioritized their marriage and family. We've had so much fun this year, and we're already looking forward to 2014 – stay tuned for upcoming retreat dates which will be announced soon!

Since each retreat offers different presentations, we wanted to share information on some of our breakout sessions so that everyone can learn about helpful resources. Below you'll find a brief overview of six presentations that were offered at various retreats throughout the year. We hope these resources, as well as the skills learned during the Thriving Marriages retreats, help your family and inspire your marriage!

Parenting Curricula – Active Parenting for Stepfamilies, Parenting with Love and Logic

Subject Matter Expert, Lauren Alvarez took our couples in stepfamilies through part of the evidence-based Active Parenting curriculum, which covers a variety of topics including parenting, stepparenting, divorce, school success, and character education. Active Parenting offers online parenting classes and information about finding classes in your area. . For more information, visit www.ActiveParenting.com.

 

Master Trainer Scott Roby shared innovative parenting techniques from the Parenting with Love and Logic curriculum. Simple, practical techniques were presented to help parents raise responsible kids, have more fun in their parenting role, and easily and immediately change their child's behavior. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. For more information, visit www.LoveAndLogic.com.

Bonus resource: Take this quiz to discover your parenting style!
http://www.activeparenting.com/Parents-Parenting_Style_Quiz#anchor2145

Family Finances – Consumer Credit Counseling Services of Central Oklahoma

Cristy Cash (yes, that's her real name!) from Consumer Credit Counseling Services of Central Oklahoma (CCCS) presented on Family Finances at several of our retreats. This is a highly requested topic, and Cristy's presentations are always popular. Cristy has shared with us information about how to create an "Insta-Budget", debt management, emergency savings plans, investing, and even finding your "Moolah Personality"!

CCCS is a United Way partner non-profit agency and has been serving Oklahomans since 1967. You can find more information about CCCS as well as many of the tools mentioned here on their website, http://cccsok.org.

Oklahoma's Job Match

Programs Manager, Jon Eller shared information about Oklahoma's Job Match site at two of the retreats this year. OKJobMatch.com is a service of the Oklahoma Department of Commerce and provides Oklahomans with a free job-matching tool. The site allows job seekers to post their resume and search for jobs, and employers are able to post jobs and search for candidates. Once both the job and job seeker are registered, OKJobMatch.com matches employers with jobs seekers based on a number of criteria, including experience, education, skills, certifications and licenses. To explore Oklahoma's Job Match yourself and upload your resume, visit https://okjobmatch.com.

Sibshops

Lori Wathen is the Oklahoma County Sooner Success Coordinator, and she joined us at the January retreats for couples caring for a child with Autism or Down syndrome. Lori shared about an exciting program called Sibshops, which provides opportunities for brothers and sisters of children with special health and developmental needs to access peer support and education while having fun! Sibshops are designed for school-age children and intersperse information and discussion activities with new games, cooking activities and special guests.

To find a Sibshop near you, go to http://soonersuccess.ouhsc.edu/Sibshops.asp.

Fostering Hope Clinic

Dr. Deb Shropshire spoke to our foster couples retreat about her experiences as a pediatrician at the OU Medical Center in Oklahoma City. Her heart was captivated when, as a medical student, she encountered the complex world of foster children. That experience changed her career direction, and she now provides direct health care service to children at a local shelter and through the Fostering Hope Clinic and serves as a resource for child welfare workers, CASA volunteers, courts, families, and anyone else who encounters the foster system. There are two Fostering Hope Clinics operating in Oklahoma—one in Oklahoma City and one in Tulsa.

Oklahoma City: OU Children's Physicians Pediatric Care Center, 1200 Children's Ave, Suite 6100, OKC 73104. For more details and to make an appointment, call (405)271-6827.

Tulsa: OU-Tulsa Schusterman Clinic, 4444 E. 41st Street, Tulsa 74135. For more information call (918)619-4384.

 



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Fwd: Parenting for Emotional Intelligence

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Smart Relationships <info@smartrelationships.org>
Date: Thu, Sep 12, 2013 at 7:00 AM
Subject: Parenting for Emotional Intelligence
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>


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Parenting for Emotional Intelligence

In most areas of the United States, children are either preparing to go back to school in a week or so, or they have already started again. Do you remember what that was like? Or, perhaps you are currently a student. What do you feel about going back to school?
 

We have been discussing Smart Relationships and Emotional Intelligence, and we believe it is possible to teach your children emotional intelligence. You can equip them to deal with the everyday challenges, fears, and hurdles of growing up.  In fact, it might be easier to teach this stuff to a child than a “set-in-their-ways” adult. Bad relational habits get cemented over time, making it harder and harder to turn them around. A child doesn’t have the same baggage. Children are much more emotionally flexible.
 

But, how do you teach emotional intelligence to your kids, when you are not so sure you get it yourself? Here are a few, solid, foundational tools to give to your child that will help him/her navigate the minefield that is school:

 

1. Stop and BreatheKids are much more comfortable expressing emotion, but that means there is also a greater danger in young people of losing control. Equip them before they face moments of intense emotion to stop themselves from reacting. They should focus on their heart, slow down their breathing – imagining that the breath is entering and leaving the heart area, and remember a time when s/he felt good inside, attempting to recapture that feeling. We call this the Quick Coherence Technique, and it works in any time and place!


2. Behaviors are Symptoms, not CharacterOur behaviors do not define us. They are an outflow of what is truly happening under the surface. So, most bullies are not actually evil. They simply do not have the tools to deal appropriately with the tumultuous emotional stuff that is swirling around within themselves. Teaching your child to remember this will help him/her not only become more aware of what is going on internally, but it will also help them learn to truly empathize with others. Your kids will be gifted at seeing the good in other people.


3. DinnerFood always works. Try an experiment. When talking around the dinner table, instead of only asking your children what they did or what happened during the school day, during each accounting of the days events, ask an “Emotion Question”.  How did you feel after Joe said that to you?” ”What did it feel like to be affirmed by your teacher in front of the class?” These kind of questions get to the heart of your child’s experience, show the child that you are truly invested in their well-being, and build an intimate connection for open communication between you. Plus, you will learn quite a bit about yourself in the process!


Try out some of these tips, or all of them, right away this school year.  In so doing, you can help your children feel like they have, in you, an advocate and partner in the adventure of growing up!

 

 

Building Your Love


There are still a few spots open for out "Building Your Love" workshop and couples getaway at St. Norbert Abbey, Sept. 27-28, in De Pere, WI, for more info, click above and remember: OUR EARLY BIRD SPECIAL ENDS THIS FRIDAY, SEPT. 13!!

Blessing in the Lesson


It’s when you’re able to view a painful LESSON as a BLESSING.
 

In other words… a BLESSON is what happens when you see the BLESSING in the LESSON that your challenge taught you.
 

~ Karen Salmansohn

Coaching

Most of us understand that great relationships do not just happen. We know that marriages and parenting take real work and dedication. We understand that family and friends require our investment. We know that strong business relationships are the key to success. Yet we are rarely taught the essential skills that are the foundation of truly successful relationships. This is where coaching comes in. Learn more here.
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Fwd: Would you like to see your children improve their social skills?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mom Enough <momenough@momenough.com>
Date: Wed, Sep 11, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Subject: Would you like to see your children improve their social skills?
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com


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