Coffin Corner

Patterson Outreach offers relationship enhancement classes for young couples and couples looking to strengthen their relationships. Couples are taught skills that will improve communication, increase their ability to solve problems, as well as confront financial issues. Patterson Outreach will use the Love’s Cradle Relationship Enhancement curriculum to provide proven techniques in areas of building strong families.

 

 

 

Objective

Participants will learn to:

o Show understanding towards their partner’s thoughts, feelings and concerns.

o Develop positive and effective expression skills.

o Engage in new ways to discuss pertinent issues.

o Find solutions that are beneficial to both partners.

o Use coaching skills to assist one another in needed making changes.

o Put skills into practice in order to build, strengthen and maintain lasting relationships

 

 

 

Learning Methods

Participants will learn through verbal instruction, live and video demonstrations, practices, as well as being coached. Couples are encouraged to be open to participate in group discussions, give feedback, and share thoughts and feelings on issues of their own choosing.

Patterson Outreach Relationship Enhancement

The Love’s Cradle curriculum is a 6 week program consisting of two, 2 hour classes per week.

I remember saying, “I, Patty, take you, Marcus, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part.”

I didn’t know it then, but recently I learned that my wedding vows were missing something. I promised to love my husband, but didn’t mention anything about respect. When I heard that a man’s greatest need is respect, it was an “aha” moment.

Of course, respecting someone has a lot of the same rules as loving someone.

Committing to love someone means loving him no matter what. It means treating him with love whether I feel like it or not. It means treating him with love whether I think he deserves it or not.

The same holds true with respect. When I promise to respect someone, I should treat him with respect even if he’s not acting respectable. I should treat him with respect regardless of how I feel.

Easier said than done!

But both love and respect need to be unconditional and intentional. We need to make a choice to love and respect and do our best to follow through.

When we’re on the receiving end of unhoped-for behavior, we need to remember to look at the intent and offer grace when needed. Looking at their hearts, offering them the benefit of the doubt when appropriate, and keeping realistic expectations helps.

When a wife doesn’t feel loved, she still needs to respect her husband. And when a husband doesn’t feel respected, he still needs to love his wife. Otherwise, it’s a Catch 22 with a downward spiral. None of us wants that.

It’s easy to forget that how we treat others is more about us than it is about them. But isn’t that what we try to teach our children when we tell them not to blame someone else for their behavior?

This concept of love and respect is obvious when you look at healthy, long-lasting marriage relationships like my grandparents’ that persevered over 60 years.

Now that I know about my husband’s need for respect, I’m going to learn more about how to respect him and be more intentional about showing him respect. I want to follow in my grandparents’ footprints and enjoy a marriage that lasts a lifetime. How about you?

Hearts at Home is a Christ-centered organization designed to encourage, educate and equip moms. Hearts at Home, 1509 N. Clinton Blvd., Bloomington, IL 61701-1813; (309) 828-MOMS; www.hearts-at-home.org. Contact them at heartsnewspaper@hearts-at-home.org.

Even when people are sure of their love, the decision to enter into marriage is always a gamble — as is clear from the commonly quoted statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. An important question that naturally arises from this number is what are those who remain happy together doing right?

All marriages have their ups and downs; all people have their strengths and weaknesses; and all couples have areas of disagreement. But those who remain happy manage to view their relationship through a positive lens. They see the parts of their marriage that are most positive as the parts that are essential. However, most importantly, they are flexible about this. As the positive and negative aspects of their relationship shift with time, so does their judgment about what is essential — but they always focus on the most positive aspects in the moment.

Along with this positive perspective, they view their spouse’s problems, imperfections, or annoying habits in a way that neutralizes their impact. One approach they use is viewing these things in a benevolent way. For instance, a wife might understand her husband’s snapping as the result of a hard day instead of thinking of him as just being disrespectful. Such positive attributions help relationships to remain stable and supportive.

Another way partners remain happy together is by being aware of — and acknowledging — positives while allowing themselves to get upset about specific problems. In contrast, spouses who tend to be more blaming and less understanding create a negative environment at home.  For them, specific problems appear bigger and tend to snowball. It’s amazing how a toilet seat left in the upright position can ruin a couple’s whole day together!

Some people are inherently better at seeing the positive side of situations and understanding others from a more compassionate perspective. And they will certainly be happier for it. But for the rest of us, this is a skill that can be learned — when people are interested in developing it. For instance, couples can practice sharing what makes them feel loved and then practice doing those things.

Unfortunately, life sometimes makes it hard to be positive. We all have only a limited amount of time and energy. So when problems pile up (such as job stress, deaths of loved ones, illnesses, problems related to children), people’s inner resources become strained. Even the most charitable people can reach their limit, making it difficult to approach their marriage in positive ways. Because of this, it’s important for couples to nurture their relationship during the good times. This way they have more positive feelings to rely upon when life gets tough.

In the end, maintaining a happy marriage is, to a large extent, about how couples approach each other. The more they can see their marriage in a positive light and can be supportive and understanding of each other, the more successful their marriage will be.

If you would like to join a general discussion about this topic, visit the Relationships and Coping Community.