Coffin Corner

An employer and I have been noticing that many of our employees are missing work and having to take time off to go to court because of marriage problems. I don't want to interfere in people's personal lives but at the same time it is costing the company money when these family problems occur. Do you think I should try to do anything about my employees' marriages?

D.C. Evansville

There are some things you can do as an employer to reach out to employees that need extra help in marriage and family situations. You could begin by displaying literature and brochures in the employee lounge. You could provide an array of information about healthy living, relationships and marriages. There are many nonprofit organizations in the community that would be willing to supply you with information.

Your Human Resources department might be another good point of contact for employees. One benefit you could offer to your employees would be to pay for all or part of the cost to attend a seminar or class pertaining to their situation. This business approach is not a new concept. Many businesses today implement Wellness Programs for employees. A marriage or relationship class could be included in that package.

A divorce hurts the couple and the community financially. The couple will have about a $19,000 loss and the community another $30,000 per divorce. According to Dr. John Curtis, author of "Happily Un-Married," an average employee making $20 per hour would cost the company more than $8,000. One survey, "The effect of marital dissolution on the labor supply of males and females," for the Journal of Socio-Economics (Mueller, 2005) found that employees lost an average of more than 168 hours of work time, equivalent to being fully absent for four weeks in one calendar year. Divorce does cost the company and the employee.

Businesses that work with employees to help strengthen marriages and families can reduce that. Your approach will be the key to the success of this venture. You would not want to single out employees, but offer a new program for all. A healthy marriage for employees will probably translate into a healthier employee for your business.

Research for "The Case for Marriage," by Maggie Gallagher and Linda Waite indicates that healthy marriages contribute to job satisfaction and productivity. An employee in a healthy marriage can concentrate on the job and not be distracted by problems at home.

Community Marriage Builders can help you and your company with workshops to help struggling couples and also be there for marriage preparation and marriage enrichment workshops as well.

John Phillips is executive director of Community Marriage Builders. He can be reached at john@makeitlast.org or (812) 477-2260.

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Divorce changing the face of rural American families

By Sabrina Tavernise and Robert Gebeloff / New York Times News Service

Published: March 25. 2011 4:00AM PST

SIOUX COUNTY, Iowa — In the 1970s, the divorce rate was so low in rural northwest Iowa that it resembled the rest of America in the 1910s. Most of its 28,000 residents were churchgoers, few of its women were in the work force, and divorce was simply not done.

So it is a bitter mark of modernity that even here, divorce has swept in, up nearly sevenfold since 1970, giving Sioux County the unwelcome distinction of being a standout in this category of census data.

Divorce is still less common here than the national average, but its sharp jump illustrates a fundamental change in the patterns of family life.

Forty years ago, divorced people were more concentrated in cities and suburbs. But geographic distinctions have all but vanished, and now, for the first time, rural Americans are just as likely to be divorced as city dwellers, according to an analysis of census data by The New York Times.

“Rural families are going through this incredible transformation,” said Daniel Lichter, a sociology professor at Cornell University.

The shifts that started in cities have spread to less populated regions — women going to work, gaining autonomy and rearranging the order of traditional families. Values have changed, too, easing the stigma of divorce.

“In the bottom ranks, men have lost ground and women have gained,” said June Carbone, a law professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and co-author of “Red Families v. Blue Families.”

“A blue-collar guy has less to offer today than he did in 1979,” Carbone added. Those shifting forces, she said, “create a mismatch between expectation and reality” that can result in women becoming frustrated and leaving, because now they can.

Since 1990, class has become an increasingly reliable predictor of family patterns, Carbone said. College-educated Americans are now more likely to get married and stay married than those with only a high school diploma, a change from 20 years ago, she said, when differences were much smaller.

That trend has been particularly important for rural areas, which have fallen further behind urban ones in education, according to census data. Just one in six rural residents has a college degree, far fewer than in cities, where one in three does. Nationally, there were about 121 million married adults and 26 million divorced people in 2009, compared with about 100 million married and 11 million divorced people in 1980. “There’s a perception here that you need to be perfect,” said the Rev. John Lee, a young pastor who has tried to encourage change in Sioux County by taking on taboo topics like divorce and mental illness in his sermons. “When you admit weakness, you invite shame.”

The reason can be traced to Sioux County’s roots. About 80 percent of residents, most of whom are descendants of Dutch immigrants, belong to a major denomination church, compared with 36 percent of all Americans.

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Patterson Outreach offers relationship enhancement classes for young couples and couples looking to strengthen their relationships. Couples are taught skills that will improve communication, increase their ability to solve problems, as well as confront financial issues. Patterson Outreach will use the Love’s Cradle Relationship Enhancement curriculum to provide proven techniques in areas of building strong families.

 

 

 

Objective

Participants will learn to:

o Show understanding towards their partner’s thoughts, feelings and concerns.

o Develop positive and effective expression skills.

o Engage in new ways to discuss pertinent issues.

o Find solutions that are beneficial to both partners.

o Use coaching skills to assist one another in needed making changes.

o Put skills into practice in order to build, strengthen and maintain lasting relationships

 

 

 

Learning Methods

Participants will learn through verbal instruction, live and video demonstrations, practices, as well as being coached. Couples are encouraged to be open to participate in group discussions, give feedback, and share thoughts and feelings on issues of their own choosing.

Patterson Outreach Relationship Enhancement

The Love’s Cradle curriculum is a 6 week program consisting of two, 2 hour classes per week.