Coffin Corner

ACCORD, the Catholic marriage care service, aims to promote a deeper understanding of Christian marriage. ACCORD offers couples the means to nourish marriage and family relationships. Click here for marriage prayer, audio reflections on love and a list of creative gift ideas for couples.

To coincide with Saint Valentine’s day 2011, ACCORD has announced a 6% increase in the number of couples booking their marriage preparation courses online for the first six weeks of the year. ACCORD has a new Facebook page to promote the Sacrament of Marriage. It is aimed at those preparing for marriage and also at married couples.  See below the ACCORD list of creative ideas for couples to express their love to one other.

Two reflections on Love from ACCORD

Take a moment to listen to these two short audio reflections on love and marriage which have been narrated by Stephen Cummins, Director of Marriage Education for ACCORD.

What is love?

The Key to Love

Gift ideas that don't cost the earth!

Saint Valentine’s Day ideas for gifts that don’t have to cost the earth!  As we approach Valentine’s Day and are surrounded by ‘gift ‘ideas and special offers, is it possible to have a meaningful Valentine’s Day without the big spend?  Why not share the following gifts:

Compliment each other

We can offer two types of compliment those that address a person’s outer appearance and those that address their inner character. We may be more used to saying :  “your hair looks great” than  “you’re an incredibly kind person” but both of these compliments cost you nothing.

Show you care

Find something that is important in your spouse’s schedule on Valentine’s Day (and other days too) a particular meeting, an important project, a doctor’s appointment and call, text, e-mail and ask how it went. This shows you care and creates an immediate loving bond with him/her.

Talk forward

Your spouse needs to know that they are special all the time and not just on Valentine’s Day, but why not use the occasion to make a thoughtful plan for the future. On Valentine’s Day, say “Let’s go to ... (ie a special location/occasion that your spouse enjoys, examples:) movies, shopping, visiting friends.”

Make an offer

Why not volunteer to do something for your spouse before he or she asks you to do it? Offer to pick something up at the shops, prepare dinner, and offer to put the children to bed (if you don’t usually!).  This says to your spouse that I care about you and I am putting you first.

Be memorable

Do and say memorable things this Valentine’s Day and all year round. Instead of dining out, have a candlelit dinner at home. Share the music your spouse enjoys. If you want to spend money buy a lasting plant instead of flowers. Contact them during the day to give a heartfelt comment like “I love you because ...”

All of the above will spark love and romance - the cost is minimal - but the gift of words is priceless.

A prayer for marriage from ACCORD

ACCORD, the Catholic Marriage Care Service, is an agency of the Irish Catholic Bishops’ Conference.  ACCORD has 60 locations in the 26 Dioceses of Ireland.  All volunteers undergo professional counselling training and/or facilitation training in advance of becoming members of ACCORD.  Every year ACCORD volunteers receive continuous professional developmental training and are in supervision.  For more information see www.accord.ie.

www.gettingmarried.ie, a 'one stop shop' for information on preparing  for marriage, provides a wedding booklet facility which allows couples to create their marriage booklet online, a task which many find challenging. There is also a frequently asked questions section and of particular interest are the essential steps in the marriage preparation journey which is available on the website in a timeline format.

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Guest Blog (Scott Stanley): A promising approach for strengthening disadvantaged families

by Kate | February 9th, 2011 | Posted in Social problems | Tagged with Building Strong Families, child poverty, Department of Human Services, Family Expectations, marriage promotion, Mathematica Policy Research, Oklahoma, Poverty | with 4 comments

Scott Stanley is a research professor at the University of Denver, co-Chair of Research Advisory Group for the Family Expectations Program, and co-developer of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) which forms part of the basis of the Becoming Parents Program that is one component of the services provided in Family Expectations.

Something incredible is happening in Oklahoma!  It’s the innovative Family Expectations (FE) program in Oklahoma City. A large, rigorous federal study has now demonstrated that services to strengthen families successfully improved the stability and quality of unmarried parents’ relationships around the time of the birth of a child.  Run by Public Strategies —and funded by the Oklahoma Department of Human Services and the Administration for Children and Families —Family Expectations stands to make a major difference in the lives of children who gain an increased chance of being raised in a healthy, stable home.

Why does this matter? While many children raised by single parents or step-parents thrive, decades of research show consistent advantages for children raised by both of their parents within a low-conflict household.  Based on much of this research, Family Expectations engages financially vulnerable couples, both unmarried and married, in a wide range of services, including educational classes where they learn skills and principles to nurture and protect their relationship and parenting information about infant care and development. They also work one-on-one with family support coordinators who help these new parents to apply what they learn and to access other community services.

Family Expectations is actually part of two large, multi-site, federally funded studies commissioned by the Administration for Children and Families.  The Building Strong Families (BSF) study, led by Mathematica Policy Research, is examining the impacts of such programs on low income, unmarried couples, while another study is examining the impacts on low income, married couples.  In each study, half of the couples were randomly assigned to receive services similar to Family Expectations (intervention group) and half received only the services they might otherwise find in the community (control group).

The federal government recently released the results on outcomes at 15 months for the BSF study.  While the national results across sites were disappointing, the findings were so different in Oklahoma that the evaluators drew special attention to the results for Family Expectations (report available here). To start with, compared to most other sites, Family Expectations was able to get more couples through a much greater portion of the intended services.  Likely due in part to the newness of this program model, in some other sites, as few as 40 percent of the intervention group couples ever attended a single educational class together. While many other sites struggled to get and keep couples involved, FE excelled at doing so.  And when it came to making a difference in the lives of couples, those randomly assigned to FE showed a consistent pattern of positive outcomes, including a greater likelihood of remaining together and positive benefits for relationship happiness, emotional support, sexual fidelity, the ability to handle conflict effectively, co-parenting, and father involvement —including a greater proportion of fathers both living with their children and contributing to the cost of providing for their children.  Also of note, the positive impacts were strongest among participating African American couples.

In this type of policy research, it is difficult to demonstrate impacts in community-based, real-world settings. That makes these findings from Oklahoma’s Family Expectations particularly noteworthy. Better still, I believe that the kind of results Oklahoma demonstrated can be achieved elsewhere.  I come to this opinion based on my 25 years of research in this area as well as discussions with the evaluators and with the program’s nationally respected research advisory group. Throughout, FE used procedures that are detailed, methodical, and inventive. That means the procedures could be adopted and used elsewhere.  Family Expectations created a warm environment for the couples that is infused with a commitment to “customer service,” backed by active and strong management, all while relying on existing research that highlights proven strategies for success.

Those interested in improving the lives of the nation’s most vulnerable, young families, can find great encouragement from the impressive set of findings in Oklahoma, especially since success was demonstrated with families that have many other disadvantages working against them as they strive to reach their aspirations in family life. And the citizens of Oklahoma can be proud that their state is leading the nation, once again, as it helps others see they can truly make a difference in the lives of low-income children.

The opinions stated above are not necessarily those of OK Policy, its staff, or its board. This blog is a venue to help promote the discussion of ideas from various points of view and we invite your comments and contributions. To see our guidelines for blog submissions, click here.

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4 Responses to 'Guest Blog (Scott Stanley): A promising approach for strengthening disadvantaged families'

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1. [...] A promising approach for strengthening disadvantaged families [...]

   Snow Day Reading Material « BrittanyNovotny.com

   9 Feb 11 at 12:48 pm

2. Thanks for this post about this program helping children & families…it is refreshing to see an initiative geared towards family preservation versus money going towards marketing to make more babies available for the adoption industry.

   Samantha Franklin

   9 Feb 11 at 4:04 pm

3. [...] Read more from the OK Policy Blog at http://okpolicy.org/blog/social-problems/guest-blog-scott-stanley-a-promising.... [...]

   In The Know: Feb 10, 2011 | OK Policy Blog

   10 Feb 11 at 9:19 am

4. [...] also: Guest Blog (Scott Stanley): A promising approach for strengthening disadvantaged families on the OK Policy [...]

   In The Know: Feb 11, 2011 | OK Policy Blog

   11 Feb 11 at 10:27 am

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CSTS Newest Developments:

New Resources for Military Health

Four fact sheets for providers and military families have been developed to address communication around the impact of war injuries, physical and psychological, on intimacy. They are: Intimacy and Health: The Impact of PTSD and Other Invisible Injuries on Returning Service Members, Reintegration and Intimacy: The Impact of PTSD and Other Visible Injuries; Physical Injury and Intimacy: Helping Wounded Warriors and their Loved Ones Manage Relationship Challenges and Changes, Physical Injury and Intimacy: Managing Relationship Challenges and Changes.

Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage and Choosing a Marriage Partner: Helpful Facts for Young Adults

Source: The National Marriage Project

1. Marrying as a teenager is the highest known risk factor for divorce. People who marry in their teens are two to three times more likely to divorce than people who marry in their twenties or older.

2. The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends or acquaintances. Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost 60 percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.

3. The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds and life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful marriage. Opposites may attract but they may not live together harmoniously as married couples. People who share common backgrounds and similar social networks are better suited as marriage partners than people who are very different in their backgrounds and networks.

4. Women have a significantly better chance of marrying if they do not become single parents before marrying. Having a child out of wedlock reduces the chance of ever marrying. Despite the increasing numbers of potential marriage partners with children, one study noted, "having children is still one of the least desirable characteristics a potential marriage partner can possess." The only partner characteristic men and women rank as even less desirable than having children is the inability to hold a steady job.

5. Both women and men who are college educated are more likely to marry, and less likely to divorce, than people with lower levels of education. Despite occasional news stories predicting lifelong singlehood for college-educated women, these predictions have proven false. Though the first generation of college-educated women (those who earned baccalaureate degrees in the 1920s) married less frequently than their less-educated peers, the reverse is true today. College-educated women's chances of marrying are better than less well-educated women. However, the growing gender gap in college education may make it more difficult for college women to find similarly well-educated men in the future. This is already a problem for African-American female college graduates, who greatly outnumber African-American male college graduates.

6. Living together before marriage has not proved useful as a "trial marriage." People who have multiple cohabiting relationships before marriage are more likely to experience marital conflict, marital unhappiness and eventual divorce than people who do not cohabit before marriage. Researchers attribute some but not all of these differences to the differing characteristics of people who cohabit—the so-called "selection effect"—rather than to the experience of cohabiting itself. It has been hypothesized that the negative effects of cohabitation on future marital success may diminish as living together becomes a common experience among today's young adults. However, according to one recent study of couples who were married between 1981 and 1997, the negative effects persist among younger cohorts, supporting the view that the cohabitation experience itself contributes to problems in marriage.

7. Marriage helps people to generate income and wealth. Compared to those who merely live together, people who marry become economically better off. Men become more productive after marriage; they earn between 10 and 40 percent more than do single men with similar education and job histories. Marital social norms that encourage healthy, productive behavior and wealth accumulation play a role. Some of the greater wealth of married couples results from their more efficient specialization and pooling of resources, and because they save more. Married people also receive more money from family members than the unmarried (including cohabiting couples), probably because families consider marriage more permanent and more binding than a living-together union.

8. People who are married are more likely to have emotionally and physically satisfying sex lives than single people or those who just live together. Contrary to the popular belief that married sex is boring and infrequent, married people report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than both sexually active singles and cohabiting couples, according to the most comprehensive and recent survey of sexuality. Forty-two percent of wives said they found sex extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to just 31 percent of single women who had a sex partner. And 48 percent of husbands said sex was extremely satisfying emotionally, compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men. The higher level of commitment in marriage is probably the reason for the high level of reported sexual satisfaction; marital commitment contributes to a greater sense of trust and security, less drug and alcohol-infused sex, and more mutual communication between the couple.

9. People who grow up in a family broken by divorce are slightly less likely to marry, and much more likely to divorce when they do marry. According to one study, the divorce risk nearly triples if one marries someone who also comes from a broken home. The increased risk is much lower, however, if the marital partner is someone who grew up in a happy, in-tact family.

10. For large segments of the population, the risk of divorce is far below 50 percent. Although the overall divorce rate in America remains close to 50 percent of all marriages, it has been dropping gradually over the past two decades. Also, the risk of divorce is far below 50 percent for educated people going into their first marriage, and lower still for people who wait to marry at least until their mid-twenties, haven't lived with many different partners prior to marriage, or are strongly religious and marry someone of the same faith.