Coffin Corner

Loving Non-Verbally

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Smart Relationships <info@smartrelationships.org>
Date: Thu, Nov 8, 2012 at 4:05 PM
Subject: Loving Non-Verbally
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>

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Many of the skills we teach have to do with communication. While speaking, listening, and negotiating are important skills, the science of communication tells us that most of what is communicated is non-verbal.

Have you ever had a fight that consisted of re-hashing a fight? During the course of that conversation, someone is likely to use the phrase, "All I said was...." The same words that caused such emotion earlier are repeated verbatim. What is vastly different is the emotional energy behind them. In the end, it's altruism or lack of generosity that creates our experience of the relationship.

To put it simply, a thriving relationship is more a matter of good will than great skill. Much of that good will is communicated non-verbally.

When you focus on your partner's faults, you begin to see more and more examples.

Issues do need to be aired and addressed. Habitual avoidance of conflict is the number one predictor of divorce.

But your underlying attitude toward your spouse is felt and expressed non-verbally. To invest in a strong marriage, make a choice to focus what is best about your mate.

Then add the verbal by telling him or her what you see often.

Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like? Could you define one if someone asked?

Our eCourse will help you answer "Yes" with confidence. Click here to see a sample lesson.

These actions will build connection between you. But you don't need someon'e else's list. When you take responsibility for the quality of the emotional energy you are putting into the relationship, you will naturally find creative ways to express your love.

Commit to intentionally building the positive connection between you.

Paradox #2 from our upcoming eBook, Journey through Paradox.

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Our mailing address is: 1496 Bellevue Street, Suite 502, Green Bay, WI 54311	Copyright © 2012 \| Smart Relationships All rights reserved.
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The Challenge is to build the best mobile app, one that will encourage healthy relationships.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Liz Swanson <lswanson@tangogroup.com>
Date: Tue, Nov 6, 2012 at 6:02 PM
Subject: an interview
To: Bill Coffin <billcoffin68@gmail.com>

Hello Bill!

You did an interview with me over a year ago. Thank you again. I also met you at a conference but I am sure you have met many people.
I wanted to make sure you got this invitation. We sent it out to lots of people, but I have been looking over the list and there are a few of you I wanted to make sure got it. (Those of you who tend to be innovative.) Anyway, if you have any ideas, or know anyone you think might help you make a great app, read the following:

The Challenge is to build the best mobile app, one that will encourage healthy relationships. You can take your ideas and create an app that will be available to use on iphones, ipads and Android phones.

The Challenge will take part in two rounds. There is an idea round followed by a production round, with up to $100,000 worth of prizes being given away including a top prize of $25,000. The Challenge has just begun. Get your ideas in early, so you can get feedback and revise them before the idea round's scheduled close on November 15, 2012.

The Challenge is to build the best mobile app, one that will encourage healthy relationships.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Liz Swanson <lswanson@tangogroup.com>
Date: Tue, Nov 6, 2012 at 6:02 PM
Subject: an interview
To: Bill Coffin <billcoffin68@gmail.com>

Hello Bill!

You did an interview with me over a year ago. Thank you again. I also met you at a conference but I am sure you have met many people.
I wanted to make sure you got this invitation. We sent it out to lots of people, but I have been looking over the list and there are a few of you I wanted to make sure got it. (Those of you who tend to be innovative.) Anyway, if you have any ideas, or know anyone you think might help you make a great app, read the following:

The Challenge is to build the best mobile app, one that will encourage healthy relationships. You can take your ideas and create an app that will be available to use on iphones, ipads and Android phones.

The Challenge will take part in two rounds. There is an idea round followed by a production round, with up to $100,000 worth of prizes being given away including a top prize of $25,000. The Challenge has just begun. Get your ideas in early, so you can get feedback and revise them before the idea round's scheduled close on November 15, 2012.

Five Minutes for Marriage

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Every Marriage Matters <everymarriagematters@comcast.net>
Date: Mon, Nov 5, 2012 at 3:05 PM
Subject: Five Minutes for Marriage: Great Resource on Extramarital Affairs
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

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Five Minutes for Marriage

November2012

Divorce is where two adults take everything that matters to a child - the child's home, family, security, and sense of being loved and protected - and they smash it all up, leave it in ruins on the floor, then walk out and leave the child to clean up the mess.

Michael Reagan

(adopted son of Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyman) discussing his parents' divorce

In This Issue:

Bulletin Insert

Class List

Marriages on Cruise Control

Featured Video Clip

Marital Research

Cohabitation

Marriage Encouragement

Hurdles in Marriage

Resources to Pass Along

Marriage Preparation

Military Marriage

Parenting/Youth Ministry

Parting Words

The BULLETIN INSERT for November encourages couples to seek and give forgiveness as well as listing several marriage nurturing opportunities.

Return to Top

The CLASS LIST for November offers many opportunities for couples desiring to encourage their relationship. Will you be offering classes/seminars that should be included here? We would like to add them.

Return to Top

Your prayers and financial help to strengthen marriage
are greatly appreciated

Patty Chambers, Secretary/Treasurer for Every Marriage Matters, and husband Bob

Every Marriage Matters

1005 Woodlawn Ave

Oregon City, Oregon 97045

tomdressel@comcast.net

(503) 655-1489

A RESOURCE FOR COUNSELORS

Help for Therapists and Their Clients in Dealing With Affairs Based on the responses from people whose spouses had affairs. By Peggy Vaughan, internationally recognized expert in the area of extramarital affairs. (Dear Peggy.com, Report Summary , or Free e-book )

MARRIAGES ON CRUISE CONTROL

Love Lessons From the Boomers As divorce rate soars for the over-50 set, some lessons for keeping a marriage intact, whatever age you are. (By Heidi Stevens, Imperial Valley (El Centro, CA) Press)

Return to top

NOVEMBER FEATURED VIDEO

The Marriage of Your Dreams Book Trailer A delightfully humorous introduction to the book by Rick Johnson, local author and Executive Director of Better Dads

Return to top

MARITAL RESEARCH

95 Social Science Reasons for Religious Worship and Practice U.S. federal data repeatedly make clear that the practice of religion is a great public and private good. (Pat Fagan, Marriage and Religion Research Institute)

What do couple relationships have to do with infant mental health and secure attachment? What is "attachment" and why does it matter? (The Tavistock Centere for Couple Relationships)

Return to top

COHABITATION AND AFFAIRS

Should You Be Shacking Up? Before moving in together, consider the pros and cons of living with your guy. (By Pamela Hanson, Woman's Health Magazine)

Couples and Infidelity Three basic patterns in the way couples reorganize themselves after an infidelity are identified. (Esther Perel (Author of Mating in Captivity), Council for Relationships)

Return to top

MARRIAGE ENCOURAGEMENT

Christian Living: Getting Spouses on Board You have the opportunity to impact your marriage in a vastly positive way, but you have to do it. (Dave Ramsey, CrossWalk.com)

Date Night Explosion You're challenged to put Date Night back on the calendar. (First Things First, (Chattanooga))

How to Build a Strong Marriage in the Real World It's definitely realistic to build a strong marriage in the real world - and God will help you and your spouse do so when you rely on Him to empower you. (Whitney Hopler, Crosswalk.com)

Return to Top

HURDLES IN MARRIAGE

Interracial and One in Christ Because of the gospel, our differences bring us together. (Trillia Newbell, Today's Christian Woman)

The Athlete Mixed Marriage John and I are an athlete mixed marriage. He is one - and how - and I'm not - at all. (Pamela Haag, Huffington Post blog)

Return to top

RESOURCES TO PASS ALONG

Dads Should Lead on Thanksgiving With a little effort, dads can lead the way to recovering the original intent of the holiday. (Daniel Darling, CrossWalk.com)

Return to Top

MARRIAGE PREPARATION

New reasons to say "I don't" Premarital doubts often result in early divorce. Before calling off any weddings, couples might simply try a little raw honesty. (By Kevin Charles Redmon, Pacific Standard Magazine)

Return to Top

MILITARY MARRIAGE

Ralph Lynn Remarried His Best Friend Though I may always stumble, I have the courage of a soldier to ask for any help I may need to better myself, my life, my marriage and my family. (By Fatherhood Channel)

Return to top

PARENTING / YOUTH MINISTRY

Remarriage, the second divorce and the relationship tangle The good of the children is not always uppermost in the minds of adults contemplating remarriage; it really should be. (Carolyn Moynihan, Mercator.net)

Sexting Linked to Increased Sexual Activity in Teens Of the teens who used cellphones, fifteen percent reported sexting -- sending and receiving sexually explicit text messages. (By Julielynn Wong, M.D., ABC News Medical Unit)

Teen oral sex rates reflect a 'hierarchical reordering' Two-thirds of teens and young adults have had oral sex -- about as many as have had vaginal intercourse. (By Karen Weintraub, USA Today)

Return to top

PARTING WORDS

Confessions of a Young Widow: The Little Things I Miss About Being Married Look for the good in your spouse-you cannot expect perfection, no matter who you are married to. (by Sabrina Beasley, FamilyLife)

The Truth About Love David and Teresa Ferguson found that the heart of a marriage lies in the heart of the gospel. (Caryn D. Rivadeneira, Today's Christian Woman)

Wisdom from e-Mail If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she'll never turn into an old nag.

Return to top

You are awesome!

It's great to be on His team together.

Respectfully,

Tom Dressel

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Week of November 2nd Insights for Intimacy

From: National Institute of Marriage [mailto:enews=nationalmarriage.com@mail70.us2.mcsv.net] On Behalf Of National Institute of Marriage
Sent: Friday, November 02, 2012 11:03 AM
To: billandpatcoffin@verizon.net
Subject: Week of November 2nd Insights for Intimacy

Insights for Intimacy are a weekly insight to help you on your marriage journey.

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Weekly Insight for Intimacy

In a heart talk, are you a listener or a speaker in waiting? As a “speaker in waiting” your focus is more on a rebuttal than on your spouse’s feelings. If you want to be an effective listener, think about what makes a great listener. Empathy is often cited as a key listening skill. To do this, it will require you to suspend your agenda until it is time for you to be the speaker. Next, begin to imagine what it might feel like to be your spouse given the topic at hand. Lastly, you have a chance to summarize and validate.

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Google Alert - "healthy marriage"

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Google Alerts <googlealerts-noreply@google.com>
Date: Thu, Nov 1, 2012 at 6:15 PM
Subject: Google Alert - "healthy marriage"
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

News

1 new result for "healthy marriage"

Marriage and the New York Times' Fear of Democracy
National Review Online
Because it uniquely fosters children's development, a healthy marriage culture is in the state's interest. But once the state gets involved, ...

Tip: Use a minus sign (-) in front of terms in your query that you want to exclude. Learn more.

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Resilience

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Smart Relationships <info@smartrelationships.org>
Date: Thu, Nov 1, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Subject: Resilience
To: Bill <billcoffin68@gmail.com>

You are receiving this email because you provided your email address to thinkmarriage.org or Smart Relationships (same people, new name). If you don't want to be on our list, please unsubscribe by going to the bottom of the email. Please don't mark us as spam. We can be prevented from sending any emails to the subscribers who want to hear from us.

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Resilience can be defined as the ability to bounce back from stress and hardship. According to Viktor Frankl, it was a key to surviving in the terrible death camps of the Nazis.

In his book, Man's Search for Meaning, he wrote,

"Sensitive people who were used to a rich

intellectual life may have suffered much pain

(they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage

to their inner selves was less. They were able to retreat from

their terrible surroundings to a life of inner riches and

spiritual freedom. Only in this way can one explain the

apparent paradox that some prisoners of a less hardy make

up often seemed to survive camp life better than did those

of a robust nature."

Even in less dire circumstances, resilience is one aspect of emotional intelligence that supports success and happiness.

Part of resilience is the ability to keep your problems in perspective.

Did you know that the brain clusters memory by emotions? When you're sad, all you can remember is other sad memories. When you're angry, other angry memories. When you're happy, other happy memories. This explains why arguments can so easily descend into a long list of past offenses.

Teach your children and teens this concept. Let them know that when it seems like the end of the world, it's only the brain being unable to access memories from a different emotional state. If they wait a while and keep perspective, they will bounce back into a happier place again.

Paradox #1 from our upcoming eBook, "Journey through Paradox". Coming soon!

Factors that foster resilience include:

Relationships that offer care, support, and encouragement
Relationships that create love and trust
Self-confidence
Positive self image
Communication skills
The ability to manage strong feelings and impulses

This is the essence of resilience.

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Our mailing address is: 1496 Bellevue Street, Suite 502, Green Bay, WI 54311	Copyright © 2012 \| Smart Relationships All rights reserved.
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Don't Redefine Marriage. Vote AGAINST Question 6.

From: Maryland Catholic Conference [mailto:kdempsey@mdcathcon.org]
Sent: Thursday, November 01, 2012 2:22 PM
To: Patricia Coffin
Subject: Don't Redefine Marriage. Vote AGAINST Question 6.

Don't Redefine Marriage. Vote AGAINST Question 6.	More Info


To View Alert on Our Webpage, Click Here November 6, Election Day, is only a few days away. Due to Hurricane Sandy, Governor O'Malley has extended early voting for Marylanders. You may now vote early today (November 1) and tomorrow (November 2) from 8:00 am - 9:00 pm. For more details, visit the State Board of Elections. To the hundreds if not thousands of you who have volunteered to uphold marriage and defeat Question 6 - getting signatures during the petition drive, making phone calls at a phone bank or signing up to work at a poll on Election Day - thank you. To all: Please don't redefine marriage. Vote AGAINST Question 6. Why? It is not necessary to redefine marriage in order to provide rights and benefits to other couples. Many of the rights and benefits sought by those who want to redefine marriage are already available to domestic partners in Maryland, such as: Hospital visitation Health care decision making Exemption from state inheritance taxes and from recordation taxes Health insurance coverage and life insurance coverage End-of-life decisions Organ donation priority Nursing home room sharing Funeral arrangements Government employee health benefits And more If is not discrimination to believe that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. We all know and love family members, friends and colleagues who are gay, but reserving marriage for one man and one woman recognizes the uniqueness of that relationship above all other relationships. Marriage between one man and one woman has been recognized by both government and religion throughout time and across cultures because it is the only relationship capable of bringing children into the world and providing them with the love of a mother and a father. Don't be fooled into thinking we can redefine marriage and protect religious freedom. We've seen it too many times already - if marriage is redefined, churches, religiously affiliated institutions, private businesses and individuals will be exposed to lawsuits and harassment just for expressing their religious beliefs about marriage. And don't take the Question 6 ballot language at face value. What the new law redefining marriage pretends to offer as religious protections, it then takes away in language that has not been included in what you will read at the polls. According to the actual legislation, religious organizations that accept state or federal funds are excluded from certain religious liberty protections if they partner with the government to provide services to the community. For more information and to view videos against redefining marriage, please visit our marriage page. Again, thank you for all you have done and for your prayers. Please get out and vote Tuesday - and vote AGAINST Question 6. ********** Stay connected: Follow the MCC on Twitter or LIKE us on Facebook. To ensure that you continue to receive alerts, please add kdempsey@mdcathcon.org to your approved senders' list.

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The Maryland Catholic Conference
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410.269.1790 (fax)
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Job Opening: Utah TANF Director

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Melanie Reese <MREESE@utah.gov>
Date: Wed, Oct 31, 2012 at 1:27 PM
Subject: Job Opening: Utah TANF Director
To: Melanie Reese <MREESE@utah.gov>

Our state TANF program manager is retiring in December. The position is open. Please share with your networks or those who might be interested.

Here's the announcement:

http://statejobspostings.utah.gov/dws-manager-iii/job/3509453

Melanie Reese, Coordinator
StrongerMarriage.org
DWS Office of Work & Family Life
801-468-0043 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 801-468-0043 end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 801-468-0043 end_of_the_skype_highlighting

National Center for Family & Marriage Research News and Notes - October 2012

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: National Center for Family & Marriage Research <ncfmr@bgsu.edu>
Date: Wed, Oct 31, 2012 at 11:26 AM
Subject: News and Notes - October 2012
To: billcoffin68@gmail.com

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News and Notes

October 2012

Welcome

The National Center for Family & Marriage Research (NCFMR), established in 2007 at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), welcomes you to our monthly electronic newsletter News and Notes.

News and Notes aims to inform you about the activities of the NCFMR. We will update you on current research findings, announce research opportunities, and provide registration details for upcoming conferences and workshops.

Women's Employment Rates Highest
Among the Divorced

Over half (53%) of women in the U.S. are currently employed. Rates differ only slightly by marital status. Divorced women have the highest percentage employed at 61% followed closely by currently married and never married women at 57% and 56%, respectively. Only 17% of widowed women are employed.

Employment Rate for Women Aged 16 and Older
by Marital Status, 2010

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey,
1-Year Estimates, 2010.

Women's Employment Rate, 2010 (FP-12-20)

What's New at the NCFMR...

Family Profiles

Original reports summarizing and analyzing nationally representative data with the goal to provide the latest analysis of U.S. families.

Working Paper Series

A series of working papers written by faculty affiliates, researchers, and advanced graduate students examining family structure topics of interest to family scholars, policy makers, and practitioners.

Brian Powell, Lala Carr Steelman, and Oren Pizmony-Levy

Transformation or Continuity in Americans' Definition of Family: A Research Note (WP-12-12)

J. Bart Stykes, Wendy D. Manning, and Susan L. Brown

Estimating Nonresident Fatherhood: Evidence from the CPS, NSFG, and SIPP (WP-12-11)

Amanda Geller and Irwin Garfinkel

Paternal Incarceration and Father Involvement in Fragile Families (WP-12-10)

Laura Tach

Family Complexity, Childbearing, and Parenting Stress: A Comparison of Mothers' and Fathers' Experiences (WP-12-09)

NCFMR in the News

For a full list of NCFMR in the News items and for media links to each item, visit the NCFMR in the News webpage.

Unmarried Boomers More Vulnerable

Chicago Tribune

Divorce in Later Life

The New York Times

Same-Sex Household Dynamics

Bowling Green State University Marketing and Communications

Just Released

Census Bureau 2009-2011 American Community Survey Estimates

2009-2011 American Community Survey

National Health Statistics Reports

Current Contraceptive Use in the United States, 2006-2010, and Changes in Patterns of Use Since 1995

National Vital Statistics Reports

Births: Preliminary Data for 2011

Princeton-Brookings Future of Children 2012 Fall Journal

Literacy Challenges for the Twenty-First Century

RAND Report on Military Deployments and Divorce

Home Front: Post-Deployment Mental Health and Divorces

The Society for Research in Child Development (SRCD)

Social Policy Report Brief: Using Research in Policy and Practice

Upcoming Events

November 2012

Theory Construction and Research Methodology (TCRM) Workshop

Dates: November 1-2

Link to NCFR

Call for Proposals -- The Foundation for Child Development: Changing Faces of America's Children Young Scholars Program

Date Due: November 1

Link to Foundation for Child Development

Call for Papers -- The Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences
Widows and Bereavement
Date Due: November 1

Link to NCFR

Call for Abstracts -- Centre for Research on Families and Relationships (CRFR)
Innovations in Methods, Theory and Policy Relevance
Due Date: November 2

Link to CRFR

Eighth Biennial Meeting -- Society for the Study of Human Development (SSHD)

Rethinking Developmental Science Across the Lifespan/Life Course: Theory, Methods, and Applications

Dates: November 3-5

Link to SSHD Meeting Information

Call for Proposals -- Annual Welfare Research and Evaluation Conference

Date Due: November 9

Link to WREC 2013

Postdoctoral Fellowships -- Harvard Center for Population Studies

Date Due: November 30