Coffin Corner

Is love sometimes a mystery to you?

What makes love last?

What makes love deepen over time?

What keeps love fresh and new?

Dedicate a weekend to learning the Skills of Love 

The 10 Relationship Enhancement® Skills can help you solve the mysteries of relationships.

Mastering the Mysteries of Love (MML) Workshops for Couples who are:

Dating     Engaged      Married      Remarried

Take a weekend for just the two of you to nurture your relationship. Concentrate on nothing else. Give it all you have.  It’s up to you to decide when to tend your relationship. It’s up to us to give you the skills to keep your love alive!

Learn the secret: Love isn’t magic, it’s skill!!

Day one you learn to fully express yourself, understand at a deep level, find and express positives, and change conflict patterns. Day two you build on the core skills, learn effective problem solving, replace nagging with reinforcement, stop patterns of conflict, and build affection activities.

Each Mastering the Mysteries of Love workshop is small (3-8 couples), and couple discussions are private.

Workshops are intended for couples who wish to increase overall relationship satisfaction and for couples who want to begin to open channels of caring and love in their relationship.

Skills for a Lifetime of Love

               2011 Schedule

 

January 22-23	R. Scuka, Ph.D.
February 19-20	C. Hansen, MSW
March 19-20	J. Liversidge, MFT
May 14-15	C. Hansen, MSW
June 11-12	J. Liversidge, MFT
July 23-24	C. Hansen, MSW
September 17-18	J. Liversidge, MFT
October 22-23	C. Hansen, MSW
November  19-20	R. Scuka, Ph.D.

To Register

Phone: 301-986-1479 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              301-986-1479      end_of_the_skype_highlighting begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              301-986-1479 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              301-986-1479      end_of_the_skype_highlighting      end_of_the_skype_highlighting or Fax: 301-680-3756 or e-mail niremd@nire.org or mail to NIRE-Administrative Office; 12500 Blake Road, Silver Spring, MD, 20904-2056

Location

Workshops are held at 4400 East-West Highway, Suite 28, Bethesda, Maryland, 20814

Time

Day One—9:00 am to 5:00 pm
Day Two—9:00 am to 4:00 pm

Cost

 $450  (includes two workbooks and snacks throughout the day)

The waiting game

Chastity before marriage may have its uses after all

Premarital sex

Jan 20th 2011 | from PRINT EDITION

• Tweet

WHEN is it the right time to do the deed? If priests had their way, it would be shortly after the wedding ceremony—but recent studies show such advice is rarely heeded. Roughly 85% of the American population, for example, approves of premarital sex. Faced with numbers like that, what hope do the Vatican and its ilk really have?

More than they did a week ago. Until now, the argument that couples should wait until they are married before they have sex has rested on mere assertion and anecdote. Dean Busby and his colleagues at Brigham Young University, in Utah, however, have gathered some data which support delay (conveniently for the university, which is owned by the famously abstinent Mormons).

Fabian tactics

Little is known about the influence of sexual timing on how relationships develop. Even so, opinions abound. Some argue that the sexual organs, both physical and mental (for, as the old saw has it, the most powerful erotic organ is the mind) need a test drive to make sure the chemistry between a couple means they will stay together both in sickness and in health. Others suggest that couples who delay or abstain from sexual intimacy early on allow communication to become the foundation of their attraction, and that this helps to ensure that companionship and partnership keep them together when the initial flames of lust die down.

To examine these suggestions more closely, Dr Busby and his colleagues recruited 2,035 married people ranging in age from 19 to 71, and in length of marriage from less than six months to more than 20 years. Their religious affiliations varied widely; many had none.

All were asked to complete an online questionnaire normally used to help couples understand their strengths and weaknesses. Among the nearly 300 questions, participants were asked when they first had sex with their partners, whether their sex lives were currently good, how they resolved conflicts, and how often they thought of ending their relationship. In addition, the questionnaire had 14 items that evaluated how good participants were at expressing empathy and understanding to their partners and how prone they were to be critical or defensive. All questions, apart from those about frequency of sex, were answered on a five-point scale, with one indicating strong disagreement and five indicating strong agreement.

Because religiosity delays sexual activity, Dr Busby and his colleagues also asked participants how often they attended church, how often they prayed and whether they felt spirituality was an important part of their lives. They used the answers to control for religiosity. They also controlled for income, education, race and length of relationship.

Their report, just published in the Journal of Family Psychology, suggests that people who delay having sex do indeed have better relationships, on four different measures (see table). That result applies to both men and women.

Unfortunately, Dr Busby’s method cannot distinguish the cause of this. It could be, as many moralists preach, that the delay itself is improving. It could, though, be that the sort of people who are happy to delay having sex are also better at relationships. Correlation, in other words, rather than causation. That is material for another study. If the result persists, though, even when personality is taken into account, it will provide useful ammunition for priests and marriage-guidance counsellors.

from PRINT EDITION | Science and Technology

« Suddenly, He’s a Dad?

Theology, History, and Children of Divorce »

The City of (Brotherly) Love Celebrates Thrift

Elizabeth Marquardt 01.20.2011, 10:34 AM

This week, Philadelphia has become the first city in the nation since 1966 to celebrate National Thrift Week. Read all about the new thrift at NewThrift.org, the site of our John Templeton Center for Thrift and Generosity. Thrift leaders at our Institute include Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, director of the center, Institute president David Blankenhorn, and our thrift week coordinator (and also FamilyScholars.org blogger!) Amber Lapp.

Today, Carolyn Moynihan of MercatorNet in Australia writes about the new thrift movement in America and the social needs it responds to, including the decline of marriage among the broad middle of society, reported in our recent issue of The State of Our Unions. Moynihan writes:

…the household is the primary unit of society and marriage the fundamental economic partnership. But this is precisely this building block of freedom that is being eroded today for the “middling sort” of people for whom (Benjamin) Franklin mainly wrote. As the National Marriage Project recently reported, it is middle Americans, about 58 per cent of the population, who are increasingly divorcing or failing to marry — and so becoming impoverished.

See her whole article, here, for a good summary of the Institute’s thrift work.

And, you can learn more about this week’s activities in Philadelphia in our most recent issue of Institute in the Public Square (including a video from Amber Lapp) and at the Templeton Press Bring Back Thrift Week site. See news coverage at Philadelphia’s NBC10 television station (they are sharing a thrift tip of the day, every day this week, see here and here) and today’s Philadelphia Inquirer op-ed by Gerard P. Cuddy, president and CEO of Philadelphia’s Beneficial Bank.

And here’s your thrift tip of the day from FamilyScholars: Because divorce and family breakdown have huge costs, financial as well as emotional, do something sweet for your spouse or loved one today. It’s fun, and it’s thrifty!

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter More Sharing Options Print This Post facebook -->

Categories: Marriage and Money
Comments (0)

Follow Responses Follow Responses

Trackback Trackback

Civility Statement
Bloggers and commenters: be rigorous, be powerful, be funny, but don’t be mean. Inappropriate and off topic comments will be deleted. Repeat offenders of the policy will be banned from comments.

Leave a Reply

Click here to cancel reply.

Why Premarital Education/Counseling Matters

Currently, divorce rates hover around 50%. It’s not a pretty figure. But the good news is that marriage and relationship education (MRE) or premarital counseling can help. In fact, premarital counseling can help reduce your likelihood of divorce by 30%. Studies have found that premarital education can increase communication and lower conflict. Despite these compelling statistics, most people continue to be blasé—or downright resistant—toward marriage and relationship education (MRE) or premarital counseling. Why are we so wary of activities with so much potential to enhance our marriage and overall happiness?

Before we explore the reasons behind this resistance, let’s define the terms. Most people are already familiar with premarital counseling. Most people are not as familiar, however, with the idea of marriage and relationship education (MRE). In short, MRE teaches skills, attitudes and behaviors to help individuals and couples achieve long-lasting, successful marriages and intimate partner relationships. Most MRE programs are conducted in structured group formats, using widely tested curricula. Unlike counseling, MRE is not defined as a clinical practice and emphasizes the prevention of relationship problems rather than their “treatment.”

Tackling Premarital Phobias 

Wedding-Myopia 
During the chaos of planning a wedding, it can be hard to find the time or energy for MRE or premarital counseling. Weddings are expensive, lavish and complicated—they can easily consume all your attention. But while the longing for a beautiful wedding is understandable, a beautiful marriage should be even more coveted. Couples who participate in premarital education or counseling generally enjoy happier marriages. Don’t let the pursuit of the “perfect” wedding distract you from your ultimate goal: a loving and lasting marriage.

The Invincibility Myth
Engagement is a stressful, but often euphoric time. Despite the very real possibility of divorce, enraptured couples often persist with an “it will never happen to us” mentality. Perhaps it won’t, but MRE or premarital counseling are among your best defenses against divorce. Don’t just think your marriage is indestructible; help to make it so.

Overcoming Male Resistance
Men may be especially resistant to premarital counseling, at least initially. They may be hesitant to discuss their inmost feelings and relationship struggles with a stranger. For such men, marriage and relationship education may be a less threatening alternative to premarital counseling. MRE workshops are generally held in group settings and focus on building core relationship skills such as communication and conflict resolution. MRE’s skill-based, solution-oriented approach may be more appealing to men who perceive counseling as too “touchy feely” or too personal.

Alternatives to the Dreaded ‘Counseling’ Word
Women can also be put off by the term “counseling.” To some, this term implies there is something fundamentally wrong in their relationship, which is not necessarily the case. But for those who are bothered by the term—or who want to try a different approach—marriage and relationship education (MRE) can be a great solution. MRE is focused on building the core skills that facilitate healthy relationships.

Not Knowing Where to Turn
Many people simply don’t know where to turn to find good MRE or premarital counseling. Most couples typically receive premarital counseling from a religious advisor. Some religious institutions, such as the Roman Catholic Church, even require it. However, premarital counseling is also available from non-religious sources as well. Research available MRE or premarital counseling services in your area or review the list of relationship resources, sorted by state, featured on our website.

Lack of Funds
Many churches and community organizations offer free or low-cost premarital services. Admittedly, not everyone across the country has access to free premarital counseling or education. Still, when you compare the relatively minor costs of premarital preparation to the costs of divorce, MRE or premarital counseling is a much better bet. A little money up front can potentially save you a lot of money later on. If you truly can’t afford it, consider asking for an unconventional wedding gift from your closest friends or family: MRE or premarital counseling. Many people will jump at the chance to give a wedding present with the potential to last considerably longer than those bath towels.

Benefits of Premarital Preparation

MRE or premarital counseling will give you the chance to enhance your core relationship skills. Additionally, premarital preparation may provide you and your partner the opportunity to: 

• Assess potential conflict areas stemming from different views on money, sex, parenting, religion, etc. (Many MRE classes provide inventories/assessments to help identify and address these differences)
• Better understand how personality and family history can influence your relationship 
• Strengthen your communication and conflict resolution skills
• Openly discuss your respective views on love, infidelity and divorce 
• Define and discuss expectations for marriage, finances, work and children
• Potentially get a discount on your marriage license—many states provide this incentive for couples who complete a designated number of premarital preparation hours

Too often, those considering premarital education or counseling view it as a chore, rather than a privilege. But premarital preparation is one of the most powerful tools for ensuring the love you and your currently partner feel continues throughout a lifetime.